"What do you think of the new car I bought you darling?"

"It drives well but the police keep asking me to pullover."

09/03/22 12:00:29

Members only

22/02/22 8:00:18

"Can someone scrub my Bach please?"

14/02/22 8:31:46

"He just found out I turned his brother into a handbag."

"I'm trying to console him."

12/02/22 12:00:11

clever

Meals on wheels

05/02/22 12:00:07

"So Dave, is dating a cannibal what you expected?"

01/02/22 8:00:13

clever

Wedding ring

29/01/22 14:23:54

"It's a lovely community. We all know each other's faeces."

25/01/22 20:00:18

Some of these puns are treadful.

25/12/21 21:08:46

Buddy Trolley

24/12/21 12:27:39

"Sorry darling, did I drool on my pillow again last night?"

"Don't worry David, I've got an idea to stop you doing it again."

11/12/21 8:00:50

Tutancanine

11/11/21 20:03:00

♪ Don't stand so close to me ♪

24/10/21 19:00:06

"Yes I know it seems a bit early but there might be a shortage of delivery drivers and he just wants to make sure we get to his true love on time. Now follow the partridge, turtle doves, French hens and calling birds. Those of you who are a-laying stay in the middle and keep warm."

24/10/21 11:00:14

lol

Meals on wheels

10/10/21 11:00:07

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR KITCHEN?!!!!!!!"

"Sorry darling, making petrol from sugar isn't as easy as I thought."

29/09/21 7:00:10

"Where's this white mouse I was promised?"

24/09/21 19:00:08

"Rook 2 D2."

12/09/21 19:14:13

"Can I return it when it becomes a teenager?"

13/08/21 7:27:52

He's had a Lidl accident.

07/08/21 19:01:09

Collie flowers

31/07/21 11:43:11

"What position?"

"Missionary of course."

26/07/21 19:21:12

"Maisy I hope you were wearing your dark glasses when you watched the solar eclipse."

07/07/21 8:17:51

I hate it when bananas go bad.

20/06/21 19:00:06

Prostate examinations company launches an investigation into why reviews from its clients are so variable.

15/06/21 9:33:34

"If you think that's impressive wait 'til you see what's up my other sleeve."

24/05/21 19:05:02

"Madam you're busted."

10/05/21 19:00:09

"I'm not sure Fukushima was the best place for a fishing holiday."

03/05/21 19:04:35

What do you call a fairy who farts to make children laugh?

Stinkerbell.

03/05/21 7:13:27

"I like my eggs pooched."

02/04/21 11:23:59

"I'm ten minutes late and you gave my meal to a MOUSE?"

30/03/21 19:11:58

"Now I know why Mummy calls this the naughty step."

03/03/21 20:14:47

"I married him for his package and he married me for my box."

07/02/21 12:00:42

clever

Grout Expectations

06/02/21 16:52:06

Romancing the Stone

20/01/21 20:11:07

"6 days getting ready for the postman. The pit has been dug. Just one more stake to sharpen..."

20/01/21 8:29:46

President erect

07/01/21 20:37:11

March 2021: I'm really not enjoying this Tier 9 lockdown.

29/10/20 20:00:26

The Big Apple

06/10/20 11:00:05

The howl and the pussy cat

08/09/20 11:14:11

"What time's Kirk off?"

03/09/20 7:00:13

When your best friend superglues you to a tree so they can eat all the grass.

18/08/20 12:50:52

The Sprite of the Bumblebee

16/07/20 19:00:04

Money Borrower

07/07/20 19:00:10

Dog Dye Afternoon

05/07/20 7:00:05

Dave hadn't seen Belinda for 9 months"¦ "This is our child and don't give me that 'mannequins can't get pregnant' crap!"

27/06/20 7:08:24

*SMASH BANG WALLABY*

06/06/20 11:01:51

"When I became a secretary I never thought I'd have to massage the boss's haemorrhoids."

08/05/20 19:13:51

Flush Gordon

06/05/20 19:43:47

"I think you're marbleous."

21/04/20 7:11:07

Controlling pin

17/04/20 19:39:20

I prefer bread wi' meowt taken out.

13/04/20 19:14:24

Pussy willow

31/03/20 7:00:06

Thank you Boris for ending tupperware parties.

25/03/20 12:02:04

Photo-tommed

22/03/20 20:00:05

"Get a tomb!"

29/02/20 20:00:06

Santa's little yelper

12/02/20 8:26:35

The King and I

27/01/20 8:08:19

It's not easy captioning with your left hand...

06/01/20 9:12:22

Government showcases affordable housing for post-Brexit Britain.

17/12/19 8:50:22

The Pink Panzer

12/11/19 20:00:03

clever

Buck naked

29/10/19 12:05:01

In a town like this you get to know everyone's faeces.

21/10/19 7:00:32

When marriage counselling fails you can rely on superglue.

15/10/19 7:01:03

🎵 Nick nack paddy whack, give a dog a cone

08/10/19 7:21:07

I need to stop doing these bloody captions, they're eating up all my spore time.

07/10/19 7:28:13

"All my apples have gone missing. Police suspect fowl play."

25/09/19 19:11:01

Tom and Jersey

11/08/19 7:00:39

"Darling, I think your Dad's taken the baby for a walk in the park again."

25/07/19 7:00:11

Planet of the Vapes

09/07/19 7:00:10

The Pink Panter

07/07/19 7:08:26

lol

Bubble car

05/04/19 7:00:04

Aquamarine

03/03/19 8:00:20

Is that Morgan Freeman or a phoney?

08/02/19 8:00:20

A Womb with a Queue

26/12/18 13:54:02

The Chew-zen One

20/12/18 12:00:15

"Anyone in need of a toe?"

18/12/18 20:00:06

P-P-Picked up too many Penguins.

21/10/18 7:00:39

Santa's little yelpers

Wed 12:00:22

Cocktus

15/11/24 12:00:34

Cod Air

02/11/24 20:00:12

Come Die With Me

30/10/24 12:01:14

Ideal for Pommeranians.

19/10/24 19:06:27

Fruit fly

19/10/24 11:17:54

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very bad dog."

18/10/24 19:02:38, suggested edits

"I'd have got away with it if it weren't for those darned kids."

14/10/24 11:01:15

The Mewdy Blues

10/10/24 7:01:54

"Did you get much in the divorce Dave?"

08/10/24 7:21:13

Loaf of Brian

24/09/24 11:02:33

Watersip Down

11/09/24 19:03:32

"They've only just got married and already he's foaling around."

07/09/24 11:04:20, edited: 07/09/24 11:05:18

"You bastard Harry, you've given me hogwarts."

31/08/24 11:20:34

"When you promised me a long shag..."

28/08/24 19:04:48

Hair of the mog

23/08/24 19:07:29

Garden of Edam

19/08/24 11:11:37

James uses his winnings to treat his wife to a slap up meal.

01/08/24 11:17:59

Flying pans

31/07/24 7:00:26

Wedding reception

23/07/24 11:01:07

The Disorient Express

21/07/24 11:02:06, edited: 21/07/24 11:14:12

Batnan

14/07/24 19:00:18