lol

"And can we get one of the bride on her own."

"Ok..Just let me finish these crisps."

29/11/22 8:08:29

"Dad! Can we put the heating on now?"

13/11/22 8:00:56, edited: 13/11/22 8:01:55

The waterjump at this year's Grand National was criticised for being too deep. Here's jockey, Fintan O'Shortpants, giving the thumbs up that he's ok. No news yet, on the horse he's sitting on.

28/10/22 11:08:43, edited: 28/10/22 17:58:34

"How's Dave's job going?"

"He's doing well. In fact he's just asked for a bigger celery."

24/04/23 11:07:02

"How do you think Private Fritz will react when we fire him out the cannon?"

"I think he'll go ballistic."

16/07/22 7:01:38

lol x2

"Hi dad! Mum's been cooking again."

16/02/22 20:32:37

Text
'No mum, am not getting married..I misunderstood when Darren promised to walk me down the aisle

04/12/22 8:01:23

Jacque Cruise Tow..

29/10/22 11:07:29

clever

"Say Arnie! Those nurses are real jokers, they wrote 'Rocky' on my bed chart."

"I know, but they can't spell, they wrote 'Terminate' on mine."

18/12/21 12:03:30

clever

Another stock photo

27/11/22 8:14:23

"So I took two fish and five loaves and fed five thousand people."

"Well I take really cheap end chicken, cover it in this dust crap I call my secret recipe, and sell it to millions of people a day."

"Now that is a miracle."

02/12/21 8:02:31

"This pool"s freezing..I can really feel the draught."

27/04/23 19:32:20

"What's he do for a living?"

"He's a bouncer."

19/02/22 20:43:31

Looks fizzically impossible..

24/12/21 8:12:30

Unfortunately, later that day, Dave was eaten by a cow.

29/04/22 7:13:49

Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow
and everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go

Which she later regretted. Especially when she qualified for the winter Olympics.

27/02/22 12:17:10

"Who's on the till tonight?"

"Stew."

06/12/21 20:01:37

"I said get a LARGER pool."

27/04/23 19:31:03

It's sad to see how Cupid grew up

30/01/23 12:06:55

Here's the man who invented Mousetrap

03/11/22 8:28:35

"Sorry, you're a bit too macho for me. I was after a camper van."

02/03/22 8:57:19

I shouldn't have put the washing there in hind sight..

25/01/23 10:29:13

"Look, I look know there's an energy crisis on , and we've all got to keep warm the best we can. But this is taking the piss. Now do you mind frigging off back next door to your own house "

02/12/22 8:17:56, edited: 02/12/22 8:18:32

First class
Second class
No class

26/11/22 8:03:25

"Oh for fuck's sake Dave! Just take it off, it's only a cold sore."

10/03/22 8:02:19

It was a lovely funeral...strange but lovely.

23/12/21 10:38:54

Back then the education system was quite basic...

"And this here, children, is what we call a window."

13/12/21 12:01:27

"Well! That's the last time I wear that jumper at the Muslim swingers club."

08/12/21 8:05:09

"And that's for making such a mess of the bedsheets last night."

"Sorry! But you know I only come once a year."

06/12/21 8:05:36

It's one of his kilty pleasures

16/12/22 8:28:50

Bradley Waggins

24/11/22 20:09:56

Tea was always fun in Tony Hart's house

16/11/22 12:01:50

I'll baguetting up now..

24/07/22 7:40:15

It wasn't long before the bubble burst

06/07/22 7:24:21

To be honest the food was pretty bog standard

25/11/22 8:01:04

I took this photo because I wanted to sabre the moment..

30/10/22 12:16:05

"Did you get any formal training on how to clean the streets, Darth?"

"No! They said just pick it up as you go along "

17/03/22 8:06:20

"Sorry to be cruel, but it looks nothing like it!"
Said Amy, as they unveiled the statue based on her prize winning drawing.

07/03/22 12:02:12

"Here you go mate! You can park your bike here."

06/01/22 12:09:29

creative

"Quick, Shakespeare is announcing who's won the best mobile rave venue."

"Now is the winner of our disco tents."

29/12/21 20:06:34

Born with no head...I learnt to talk out of my arse...Here is my story.

19/12/21 20:32:38

More embarrassment for the Tories, as leaked photos show last years Christmas party had a Black Lives Matter theme.

15/12/21 12:07:41

When I said if you want him to stop playing, kick him in the balls. I didn't mean that hard.

08/01/23 12:48:29, edited: 08/01/23 12:48:48

And we're down to the two finalist in this year's ' Touch The Car ' competition

16/12/22 20:31:20

An apple a day keeps the doctor away
And just incase there's always a bow and arrow

03/12/22 12:03:31

"ah remember when we got our first home."

"Yes, it was a Goodyear that."

24/11/22 8:05:04

Gator Aid

10/09/22 19:21:07

And I chews you...

06/07/22 7:00:26

"Congratulations Mr Smithers. You are this year's World Hide And Seek champion."

31/03/22 19:59:41

"come on guys! We gotta relearn all this doctor shit. Patients are demanding the return of face to face consultations."

19/03/22 8:09:02

"This happens everytime you put the 'Bambi' DVD on."

07/03/22 20:12:57

lol

"Hello is that 'Wank Mags R us'. Yea I ordered a bumper deal and was assured, they'd be delivered discreetly, in a package designed not to draw attention."

21/02/22 12:07:58

Worst prostitute I ever hired. I got stung for fifty dollars

11/01/22 8:04:09

I think Dave's got a drinking problem..

20/12/21 20:30:44

'come on Dave wake up! That school bus is not gonna drive itself.'

06/12/22 8:43:14

"How come you split up with the wife, Dave?"

"Oh, she gave me too much lip."

16/05/22 7:06:58

Till Darth do us part..

08/03/22 20:22:13

"This is the second one I've caught this week. They can't resist the smell of hot melted fudge I put in the pot."

17/02/22 8:06:11

clever

"Ahh! Remember we used to buy those hats from the origami shop on the pier."

"Oh yea. I wonder what ever happened to that?"

"It folded."

13/02/22 8:14:36

"Billy I have something to tell you... Your father was a praying mantis."

08/01/22 20:07:40

In the bleak mid winter
People made to moan
Earth was in pandemic
Rules were writ in stone
While the hordes had fallen
Tory parties flowed
In the bleak mid winter
Not so long ago..

09/12/21 8:00:35

Dodgy meat in Tesco again. That man's just put a saddle on that lasagne. .

08/12/21 20:10:43

My Lidl Pony..

08/12/21 20:01:10

Souperman

06/12/21 20:32:44

The mother in-law looks well..

05/12/22 9:45:07

"Well I think Junior's doing well fighting his Crystal meth addiction.He just sits in his room all day."

13/11/22 8:03:23, edited: 13/11/22 9:34:14

"What town did you buy them in?"

"Bury."

25/09/22 7:25:41

I told you, you'd have a saur head in the morning

10/06/22 7:06:20

lol clever

NOT A CAPTION

Karyn ...olive branch...love stoneface

07/03/22 20:05:17

This made the bus driver do a ewe turn..

03/03/22 8:09:15

BANG BANG

"Charlie! Are in there pretending you're conducting the Royal Philharmonic again? I've warned you about that behaviour."

"No mum. I'm just masturbating. Honest."

14/02/22 8:47:11

Here's my wooden pram, with its wooden wheels. There was only one problem with it.
It wooden go.

29/12/21 12:16:23

"Mum!! Grandad's been snorting the Viagra again."

21/12/21 12:00:56

Not the best ventriloquist act I've ever seen.

17/12/21 8:10:20

"I bet five pound it floats!"

"Well I bet five pounds it sinks like a stone."

Thousands gathered to see Dobbin's trial, after it was accused of being a witch..

16/12/21 8:05:50

"John. Let me introduce you to Jim. He's had a big hand in my success."

13/12/21 8:38:03

Dave would bombard Karen with celery everyday to show his affection. He eventually got done for stalking her..

24/04/23 12:12:22

Pimp My Strides..

03/01/23 20:19:23

creative

The Flush

01/12/22 8:43:06

"Does that jumper represent Paris and the danger of climate change?"

"No! It's the first ever Ku Klux Klan swimathon at Blackpool."

11/09/22 7:12:12, edited: 11/09/22 7:45:26

"Till death do us part...Or the 5.15 to Newcastle."

30/04/22 11:21:03

"Are they Victorian cross dressers?"

"I think so. They certainly don't look happy."

08/04/22 7:02:49

"Be careful round here, it's a very rough neighbourhood. Only last week some one stole the river."

25/03/22 8:02:52

Wow! Your house really is open plan..

19/03/22 12:57:33

"I didn't like the size and shape of our new pool. But after a few gentle strokes it grew on me."

22/02/22 9:34:10

"I'd say I was upper middle class. I've got a degree in mathematics and own a detached house."

"I'd say I was middle class. I've got a management job and own a semi-detached house."

"I've got me own shovel."

19/02/22 13:01:52

Baloo Movie

02/02/22 8:43:17

Apparently, he was just enjoying an ice cream in the park, when a small child bit him."

25/01/22 8:06:56

"Does anyone have any objections? Speak now or forever hold your tongue."

"Err...Just one minor objection from me...Could you get rid of that friggin' bouquet, please."

14/01/22 20:22:46

"Ok nearly ready for the zoom meeting. Oh watch you don't sit on my dildo, I left it on the bed and it goes full throttle when touched."

07/01/22 20:06:23

"How sick is she, To be lying in that airport waiting thingy?"

"Terminal."

"Jeezus, the poor girl."

23/12/21 8:51:39

In the town of Salem, police have finally figured out, why so many girls had turned to Satan worship..

08/12/21 8:01:56

Pa boiled..

06/12/21 21:10:19

"I must go and sort my sack out now."

"Sorry Santa! I didn't mean to hit it so hard."

06/12/21 8:03:40

"Hello! Mr Satan, sir...Can we have a quick word with Mrs Thatcher, please ."

26/04/23 7:02:50

BREAKING NEWS...
A volcanic hole has appeared near Downing Street.
The government said they are looking into it.

26/04/23 7:00:17, edited: 26/04/23 7:00:46

"Ha ha ha...Am laughing cos you paid for a ticket and am getting a free ride."

"Ha ha ha...Am not laughing at you getting a free ride and me paying for a ticket. Am laughing because I know a tunnel is coming up."

14/11/22 8:02:29, edited: 14/11/22 8:03:33

Pant Jennings

11/11/22 12:03:40

Here's a photo of Uncle Bob In the army...

He's a kernel

23/09/22 19:44:53

When did he die?

Chewsday

14/09/22 11:04:16