vincent hefter

I come from a long

line of haikuists. Or should

that be three SHORT lines?...

thelandofcheesefondue.blogspot.com // theanthologyofverse.blogspot.com // thevicarsknickers.blogspot.com

Caption Wins:6

Location:

Richmond

Signed Up:9 years ago

Profile Viewed:1 times this week

Super Votes:Quota: 44

Quotas and Scores

		This Week			Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Caption	10	0	0		0	0		728	1,217	109
Photo	10	0	0		0	0		3	18	18
Comment	3	0	0		0	0		302	165	44
Suggested Edit	2	0	0		0	0		0	0

Voting Record

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Caption	0		0		606	151
Photo	0		0		13	112
Comment	0		0		9	86

captions comments received

captions

	clever The Giant's Pawsway. 30/09/22 19:00:17	22

	Game of two halves. 22/01/23 8:00:15	21

	Bless her, she's certainly got daddy's eyes and I'm pretty sure those are mummy's legs.. 26/09/22 19:00:18	15

	Damn! A camper van than mine! 18/09/22 7:00:23	15

	I wouldn't be seen dead in one of these. Or alive, come to think of it... 21/01/23 8:00:15	14

	Have I seen these cats before? Maybe. The one on the left rings a bell. 13/01/23 12:00:16	1 14
I think it's Dave Bryan's. --Dot Old
	clever It's not looking good for Truss. All three poles clearly show labour on top. 08/10/22 11:00:32	14

	creative Unexpected Item in the Undergrowth! ------------------------------------- We love a crafty forage, But this gave us quite a start: They'd left some peas and porridge, So we'll be dining à la cart!... 05/10/22 11:00:22	14

	Probably the best chair in the world. 10/12/22 8:00:14	12

	...and the sign became more and more trunkated... 21/09/22 11:00:16	12

	Light on his feet. Yes, I guess he is. 08/01/23 8:00:14	11

	lol A POINTER SISTER... ------------ o ------------ "Why am I here? AND WHY AREN'T I THERE? And what is the point of existence? ...She turned to a fly And asked of it "why?" But the latter could give no assistance. ------------ o ------------ (Or maybe she'd just spotted a rabbit?) 07/01/23 20:01:12	11

	"Jesus Christ, I can't believe it, Jim!" "I know. No olives. AGAIN!" 29/09/22 11:00:14	11

	Did the florist remove the plaque dedicated to his memory? 14/09/22 11:15:14, edited: 14/09/22 11:33:39	10

	LAZYBONES GIVEN THE BOOT (Size 9) --------------- o --------------- They used to have green fingers, But they'd worked them to the bone - The stench of death now lingers ...Yet still the lawn gets mown. --------------- o --------------- SKELETON STAFF NEXT WEEK, I FEAR... 20/10/22 7:00:16	9

	Jane should never have left dad in charge of the bottle-feeding... 22/09/22 7:00:15, edited: 22/09/22 8:08:19	9

	PRINCE HARRY'S BANANAS. "I dare say he is. But whose are these?" 15/01/23 20:00:32, edited: 15/01/23 20:14:09	8

	Park 'n' Hide. 08/01/23 20:00:13	8

	will.i.am and will.i.amphibian. 29/12/22 21:19:59, edited: 29/12/22 21:54:39	8

	The cat that killed curiosity? 11/12/22 8:06:13	8

	creative clever Fast Food (I Think The Record's 1.26 Seconds) --------------- o --------------- To play with your food I was told's always rude, So I ate just a couple of layers. The rest that was left Could be used, so I guessed, As a game for a couple of players. --------------- o --------------- And no, a CUBIC meal's NOT a square meal... 17/10/22 7:00:59	7 8
I don’t think there’s any need to take SD’s comment as an attack of any kind. It looked like a pretty reasonable comment. Nonetheless, just to reassure - all kinds of creativity is welcome here and I certainly won’t be throwing... --Chris Beach
	clever "I don't want to fall out with you," said Tom to Janet... Turned out those were the last words he said. RIP. (Rest In Pieces) 23/09/22 7:01:25	8

	VISUAL POLLUTION: a Catalogue of Fashion DISASTERS... ------------ o ------------ Hey diddle diddle, The man in the middle's A sight that should NEVER be seen. And as for the others? (They're probably brothers...) NO WONDER I'M VENTING MY SPLEEN! ------------ o ------------ (Yes, I know: MY material's just as bad. I'll save you the trouble) 03/01/23 20:01:04	2 7
Keep going! --Glyn Evans
	For Services To OBEsity... --------------- o --------------- "A load of treats, the promised land! And no one else to lend a hand!"... With bags of time to pick and choose, He takes his pick and CHEWS and CHEWS... --------------- o --------------- (HAPPY CHEWSDAY, folks!) 27/12/22 8:01:10	7

	When they unwrapped her, they hadn't realised batteries weren't included... 20/12/22 20:00:18, edited: 20/12/22 20:00:34	7

	I've seen better serving suggestions... 13/12/22 20:00:14	7

	It's a pointer. Whether it's a two-pointer or a three-pointer, I'm not sure. 29/10/22 19:00:15	7

	Breakfaster...and faster...and faster... -------------- o ------------- You're huffin' and puffin' As you eat your McMuffin, Pretending it's really a gym... But playing to the gallery's Not losing those calories, (Unless you just cut off a limb!) -------------- o ------------- "Gym'll fix it, MacDonald's won't"... 28/10/22 19:00:19	7

	Driving people mad - very, very, slowly... --------------- o --------------- Yes, elderly drivers Are tardy arrivers - As they obey every rule of the Code. But you shouldn't be mad, As it's all rather sad... For they're nearing the end of the road. --------------- o --------------- Highway To Heaven ------------> 27/10/22 19:00:33	7

	- Scratch My Bottom - ------------ o ------------ To scrawl on all fours When strolling outdoors Is really the WEIRDEST of hobbies... (He'd better be brisk 'Cos there's always the risk Of being nabbed by a couple of BOBBIES) ------------ o ------------ 27/10/22 11:00:14	7

	And here's one with the wee kiddie... 19/09/22 19:00:20	7

	This new equipment suits him down to the ground. Well, almost. 12/09/22 7:16:15	7

	A book for any body. 11/09/22 13:06:32	7

	"Yippee! Pizza! That's right up my street!" (In fact, it's right up the next SEVEN streets) 04/01/23 20:00:38, edited: 04/01/23 20:14:51	6

	THE BIG TOP(IARY) ----------- o ----------- "It's a bloody ushanka! It CAN'T be her hair"... "Stop it, you w*nka, And try not to stare"... ----------- o ----------- (God bless you, Ludmilla Lookmeova) 28/12/22 12:00:18	6

	When Dora realised where the goats were, she hit the roof - but they still didn't fall off. So she hit it again... 04/10/22 7:00:38	6

	Welcome to the Greasy Spoon Café! 19/09/22 7:01:30	6

	Seen here is [anon] taking part in one of the first known 'PUN AVERSION THERAPY' experiments around the turn of the century. For example, were she to utter the word 'yew' when shown ANY type of tree, a not insignificant shock would be immediately administered. Words such as 'litter', 'issue', 'bark' and 'kid' were similarly punished. Sadly, such treatments were found to be wanting, and [anon] has since gone on to have a very successful, albeit quite annoying, career on well-known caption site 'Caption.me' 24/01/23 20:00:15	5

	Berry Christmas, people!... ---------- o ---------- The fruits of my gran I can't wait to devour... FRANGIPANSY FLAN With self-raising flower! ---------- o ---------- (Still not as tasty as HALLE Berry Pie, mind) 21/12/22 12:00:29	5

	Anne Drogynous... ------------- o ------------- Annie Petunia Is rather peculiar (And her problems are more than just dental). To look like a clot And be stuck on a pot? - It's enough to drive ANYONE mental... ------------- o ------------- 19/12/22 12:00:25	5

	The Can-Cancun Dancers - drop(ped) dead gorgeous, every one of 'em... 17/12/22 8:00:26, edited: 17/12/22 8:09:28	1 5

	Having been attracted by the town's brochure, I have to say Cleethorpes didn't disappoint. 30/11/22 20:01:29	5

	The Wee Book House ------------ o ------------ I love how it looks, (It's ever so twee) You can smell all the books And read all the wee... ------------ o ------------ - or, on second thoughts... 24/10/22 19:00:34	5

	It's hard making ends meet. We all know the feeling, these days... 22/10/22 11:00:19	5

	---Working 'Flat Out' --- ----------------- o ----------------- "Shall I or should I or will I or what? Can I or could I or might I or not?"... He gets in a dither, whatever the cause is, His life just a series of long pregnant pauses. ----------------- o ----------------- 17/10/22 19:00:26	1 5
Will he or won't he, get through on the phone?This guy spends far too much time on his ownHe once worked with others, a bank in the cityThis working from home lark is really quite shitty. --Ellen Duncalf
	creative The Sun doesn't half publish some rubbish. It says here local women are being mysteriously vaporised by unknown forces, darling... 08/10/22 7:00:15	3 5
I love the weirder stuff, Cap Auth, hence my vote. Just wish more people did ;) --James Lennox
	"The drinks are on the house, lads - but you'll have to milk them yourselves, mind." 04/10/22 7:00:15, edited: 18/10/22 20:43:49	5

	A lipped disc can be quite painful... 25/09/22 19:00:34	5

	You scratch my back, I'll scratch........YOUR F**KING EYES OUT! 25/09/22 11:00:21	5

	Athletics runs in Joan's family - but not that fast, sadly... 24/09/22 7:00:36	5

	--------------- ELEPHANT VAN --------------- (The Elephant Man of the campervan world) 19/01/23 20:00:17, edited: 19/01/23 20:01:10	1 4

	MY NEW CAR'S A WRITE-ON! (The other one's a write-off) 17/01/23 20:00:34	4

	Big deal. A stationery car. 17/01/23 20:00:16	4

	Mr Dome, we meet at last... 15/01/23 8:00:40	2 4
Who gave you this photo?? --Mr Dome
	All Things Brighton Beautiful, 2005... -------------- o -------------- Prince Harry (and mate) Spotted Willie and Kate And decided on one of their capers... So they emptied a bucket, Till Willie screamed "f*ck it!" (And it made quite a splash in the papers) -------------- o -------------- Seems not everything went into his book. 12/01/23 12:00:54	4

	A LARK IN A PARK... ---------- o ---------- The occasion's informal, And rather abnormal, But I wonder if it's really such fun? There's something that's missing... Is it hugging and kissing?... Or the lack of a really good pun? ---------- o ---------- THEN HOME BEFORE DARK 04/01/23 12:01:58	4

	The Prototype: All Bolts and No Nuts... ------------ o ------------ This one's a failure, There's no genitalia, (No wonder it's looking so glum) For what could be worse Than that terrible curse Of never being able to cum?... ------------ o ------------ 26/12/22 20:00:54	5 4
Well I do not object to your style of verse,No matter how obscure or even perverse,I do find it funny and you could do much worse. --Julia Kinsey
	"Up The Iron!" & The Moon's a Baboon!... ------------ o ------------ I may be a prick, (And I'm bound to be sick) But SCUNNY'S come away with A WIN! So be a good fella, Just feed me the Stella... And then we'll move on to the gin! ------------ o ------------ YEOVIL 0 - 1 SCUNTHORPE 23/12/22 12:00:56	4

	Bird Lover...Or Nithologist? ---------- o ---------- Good on ya, hubby, You sure give a hoot: Not just the ONE nest, But another to boot!... ---------- o ---------- 15/12/22 12:00:37, edited: 15/12/22 12:00:59	4

	Don't Judge a Book by its Cover... ------------- o ------------- Stabby the Kitten? - That's NEVER been written!!! (It's simply a hoax By some mischievous blokes) ------------- o ------------- Wussy the Pussy, more like... 11/12/22 8:01:02	4

	Only 57 ounces? Does that make them light bulbs? 28/10/22 7:00:14	4

	A Quick Double Take... ------------ o ------------ I hope he's feeling guilty (I'm sure he'll blame the booze) But the guy who took the photo Then also took the shoes. ------------ o ------------ ...9 out of 10 shoes holiday at Sandals resorts. Who knew! 19/10/22 7:00:45	4

	"I'm a little hoarse today, mummy"... "I'm not your mummy, and you're not a little horse, OK?"... 17/10/22 15:51:08, edited: 17/10/22 15:51:26	4

	W.I.T.E.N.A.G.E.M.O.T.E ------------ o ----------- It's the longest word That rhymes with goat... (But I doubt that's worth A single vote) ------------ o ----------- "Car?...Kid?...Nanny?...Billy?... It's ten to eight, and I'm feeling silly" 13/10/22 19:00:27	4

	Weak old grandparents meet week-old baby... 13/10/22 7:00:50	4

	A climate change denier catches up with the latest sports results in Birmingham-on-Sea... 08/10/22 7:01:09	1 4

	His mum had warned him: this is what happens if you look directly into the Sun. 08/10/22 7:00:42	4

	The local pigeon racers' committee stayed behind for the photo - but their birds went on a head... 07/10/22 11:04:42	4

	OK, you win. But only by a whisker! 18/09/22 11:00:20	4

	Cache in the attic. 08/09/22 7:11:42	4

	While 1 & 2 Were Dressing UP... --------- o --------- Paper, scissors And a tiny REBEL: ("I'm not a rock, I'm just a PEBBLE") --------- o --------- Baby Got a Dressing DOWN... 26/01/23 12:00:18, edited: 26/01/23 12:28:48	3

	Good God, that's his third joint in an hour! No wonder he's high. 23/01/23 20:00:13	3

	"Pik...a...a...CHOO!" Must have been in the freezer too long... 16/01/23 8:00:17	3

	She's Off to The Plough & You'll Never Guess Hough... ------------ o ------------ Rubber-dub-dub, She's off to the pub, "IT'S TIME FOR THIS MRS TO PLAY!"... - She puts on her blouse, A scarf and some ploughs, AND NOTHING THEN GETS IN HER WAY... ------------ o ------------ G&T...G&T...G&T...G&T...a little wee...G&T...G&T... 08/01/23 8:00:52	3

	"Morris dancing? I love it!" I shouted out to the group... "Pull the other one, it's got bells on!" they replied in unison. 03/01/23 12:00:13	3

	After their 12th child, granny told grandpa it was "time to put a knot in it!"... 01/01/23 20:00:19	3

	Twin Pics. (Nod to David Lynch) ------------ o ------------ I once had a figure To everyone's taste... But now they all snigger As it's all gone to waist... ------------ o ------------ From 36-24-36 to 36-36-36 (hey, I could be a straight actress!) 31/12/22 20:00:46	3

	🎵 DO, a deer, a female deer, RE, a drop of golden sun, MI, a name I call myself...🎵 .............THE END............. 12/12/22 20:00:45, edited: 12/12/22 20:02:07	3

	"Hey, it's Christmas! Why isn't there a Noddy holder?" cry Slade fans... 11/12/22 12:00:34	1 3

	I've never seen such a lot of funny material - not since I last read the Monty Python film scripts! 10/12/22 12:00:24	3

	Lucky Dip (Well, lucky for US, anyway) ------------- o ------------- Carole O'Farrell Dipped her head in the barrel And proceeded to give it some head... (But none of us cared, As we just stood and stared At her GLORIOUS BOSOM instead) ------------- o ------------- 08/12/22 12:00:49	3

	Great setting, but who's that standing in for the best manatee?... 05/12/22 8:00:41	3

	Elf on a Shelf... ---------- o ---------- A kid in a fridge Could well keep for ages (But should really be stored Where the thyme and the sage is) ---------- o ---------- 04/12/22 12:00:59, edited: 04/12/22 15:11:19	3

	'Pungent Onions' by the Pun Gent... --------------- o --------------- I sure know my onions, (They rhyme with my bunions) But neither's the least bit amusing.... "Perhaps, then, the slot's A sign they're SHALLOTS?"... I'm sorry, but it's all too confusing"... --------------- o --------------- Bloody hell, even thinking about them makes me cry... 28/10/22 7:00:45, edited: 28/10/22 7:01:42	3

	Forging a Career in Art... --------------- o --------------- "We've a right one 'ere," Scoffed the portrait detective... "If they think that I'm fooled, Then they're brains are defective." --------------- o --------------- 26/10/22 11:01:04	3

	Fryer, fryer, pan's on fire!... 24/10/22 7:15:58	3

	They May Have Made A Collie Cross... ------------- o ------------ "Say what you see"... "IT'S A WHITE COLLIE CROSS!" (You may not agree, But who gives a toss?) ------------- o ------------ ...but they've sure made ME happy! 22/10/22 7:00:11	3

	Written By An Old Dinosaur (according to my wife) ------------ o ------------ I think it's just a carp ark (Where fish park two by two?) The VELOCI WRAPPED 'ER tightly ...With its eyes upon a shoe. ------------ o ------------ "Poetry As Abstract Art - and Garfunkel" by [Anon]. 21/10/22 11:00:23	3

	The Coo Klux Klan (Balham branch) 07/10/22 11:00:17	5 3

	The Belle of the Ball - and Chain? ---------------------------------- He'd THOUGHT he'd be in clover, Having nabbed a gorgeous bride... But SENSED his life was over - So cried...and cried...and cried... 04/10/22 19:00:40	3

	I've had three shots at marriage myself. Never hit the target... 01/10/22 19:03:14	3

	- Acorn Antics - (With apologies to Victoria 'Wood') Episode 6: Acornucopia Utopia! 28/09/22 11:03:02	3

	"Excuse me, but there's not a single chip on my plate!"... No, there won't be, sir - we never use chipped crockery. 26/09/22 11:00:20, edited: 26/09/22 17:39:05	3

	The anger management course certainly worked wonders for Tiddles. Can't wait for Leo to start his tomorrow. 25/09/22 11:02:09, edited: 25/09/22 11:03:14	3

	No matter how many league games they lose, these teams are always at the top of the table! 21/09/22 7:20:01, edited: 21/09/22 8:20:03	3

	They'd only just set off, but they were already flagging... 14/09/22 7:11:40	3

	Glovely Jubbly... ------------ o ------------ Designed for the hands Of one HANNIBAL LECTER - (Who's drawn to these brands As a bee is to nectar) ------------ o ------------ Pass the Chianti, not the Bubbly... 23/01/23 8:00:34	2 2

	Seeing as it's chard, can it count as part of my 5-a-day? 22/01/23 12:00:12	3 2

	Mathematicians, please note: ten into one DOES go! (But very, very slowly) 20/01/23 12:00:38	2

	There's no such thing as a free launch (but this time all it cost her was...her dignity) 18/01/23 8:00:38, edited: 18/01/23 10:11:49	2

more captions

vincent hefter

Quotas and Scores

Voting Record

best earliest latest latest and best captions

last comments (total: 39)

captions