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"Don't be embarrassed. I mean you are a soft toy after all." 28/09/20 7:00:34 |
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22/09/20 7:18:11 |
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He could have had a face lift for a few dollars more. 16/09/20 19:13:38 |
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"Surely you could spare one of those five loaves?" 14/09/20 11:01:01 |
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Ben Dover introduces his wife, Eileen. 12/09/20 7:03:54 |
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09/09/20 7:14:27 |
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So double pandemics don't count? --Willie Johnson
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20/08/20 7:00:34 |
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19/08/20 19:04:34 |
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"I've got an excited monkey in my gondola." 15/08/20 11:00:10 |
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"I suppose you need my clothes, my boots and my motorcycle?" 04/08/20 19:00:40 |
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...he says to a nudist riding a segway. --Glyn Evans
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🎵 Murder On the Dancefloor 🎵 01/08/20 19:39:57 |
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I see that Mrs White, Miss Peacock are there too, and is that the Reverend Green? --Glyn Evans
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They were due to honeymoon in Spain so now there's another two Jumbos stranded at the airport. 27/07/20 7:51:47 |
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Shoppers prepare for the new mask wearing rules and having a £1 coin handy. 17/07/20 19:20:23 |
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09/07/20 7:38:55 |
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"I'm just preparing the finger buffet." 29/06/20 19:11:50 |
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29/06/20 19:00:48 |
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19/06/20 19:00:07 |
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17/06/20 11:10:05 |
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10/06/20 8:01:45 |
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07/06/20 7:02:09 |
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05/06/20 19:05:48 |
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"Now that Primark's back open, I was able to spend my £20 gift voucher." 01/06/20 11:38:07 |
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"Sorry folks, all flights are still grounded." 22/05/20 12:17:16 |
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No way are they all Virgin's. --Woofer 6
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"Watch it! That's macaque hole." 19/05/20 7:01:13 |
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Poor girl they only have short tails. --Woofer 6
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Mum always lets me lick the bowl. 15/05/20 19:29:27 |
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"All because some daft f*cker ate a bat" said Ozzy. 21/04/20 20:20:40 |
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20/04/20 11:07:52 |
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08/04/20 11:24:40 |
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07/04/20 19:00:10 |
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06/04/20 19:00:20 |
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It must be nice to go out and see new faeces. 31/03/20 19:07:17 |
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Seagulls do their bit to keep people away from the coast. 30/03/20 19:13:18 |
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The Borrowers love dancing on Gulliver's hairy legs. 17/03/20 20:04:24 |
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20/02/20 12:19:06 |
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Poor girl has a price on her head. 15/02/20 13:50:24 |
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11/02/20 8:05:26 |
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08/02/20 20:07:30 |
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"Shush.. Child Benefit is now £20.70 per week!" 23/01/20 12:27:51 |
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"Have I got to watch this sh*te for 90 minutes??" 21/01/20 20:29:22 |
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I stared at it till 9 o'clock and then gave up. --Karyn Harrison
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That might ruffle a few feathers. 12/01/20 20:00:59 |
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09/01/20 8:01:02 |
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"Hell.. that ping pong ball nearly had my eye out!" 03/01/20 20:13:54 |
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"Dear John, long time no sea..." 30/12/19 20:01:48 |
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28/12/19 20:02:18 |
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Santa chills out on Xboxing Day. 21/12/19 8:38:44 |
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Well, I was really after phone sex with a cougar. 09/12/19 8:09:39 |
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Ooh, you should give up phone sex, I understand you can catch hearing aids. --John Glover
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13/10/19 19:18:33 |
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13/10/19 11:45:11 |
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Such a beautiful outfit. Just a shame she's got club feet. 28/09/19 20:14:18 |
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She's got it in spades. --Willie Johnson
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The café owner is now behind bras. 20/09/19 7:08:02 |
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28/08/19 19:43:54 |
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24/08/19 19:10:02 |
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It puts on the pounds. --Scrijjy Doo
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You know when urine the wrong. 24/08/19 11:04:41 |
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If your dick is this long, you must be in the wrong. --Mystery Captioner
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19/08/19 7:29:07 |
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08/08/19 12:43:22 |
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16/07/19 11:00:10 |
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He's not as good without Peter, Paul & Mary 07/07/19 11:06:47 |
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03/07/19 11:06:53 |
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"It's less painful having a Brazilian." 29/05/19 11:07:55 |
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16/05/19 20:02:44 |
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"Brrrr shut that door. Were you born in a barn?" 11/05/19 11:20:20 |
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Marina seemed uncharacteristically cheerful seeing as she was on the ragu. 06/05/19 11:38:43 |
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09/04/19 19:07:46 |
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07/04/19 8:06:17 |
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06/04/19 7:50:11 |
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There are 6 more above him --Stephen Bean
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28/02/19 8:00:38 |
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"Anyone fancy a game of pool?" 27/02/19 20:08:40 |
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18/02/19 22:41:49 |
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07/02/19 12:10:31 |
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He'd already cycled over a zebra crossing. 05/01/19 14:49:20 |
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Why does everyone pose these days with their tongue out? 27/12/18 8:04:11 |
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Meanwhile.. David had got a job in the Men's as a toilet roll holder. 13/12/18 20:27:18 |
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"If he falls, dial 999 for a funambulance." 08/11/18 8:22:07 |
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06/11/18 20:21:10 |
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26/10/18 11:20:07 |
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It's a shame he doesn't have a Czech mate! --Karyn Harrison
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24/10/18 7:08:48 |
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Zed cars - my first ever TV show :-) --G fj
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🎵 One wants to break free 🎵 20/10/18 19:00:48 |
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14/10/18 19:01:06 |
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"If you come back later, I'll show you a stool sample." 26/09/18 11:01:34 |
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"Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening.." 26/09/18 7:34:42 |
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Always take an old bag shopping. 23/09/18 7:00:34 |
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Found: One large prosthetic zebra leg 07/09/18 7:20:16 |
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Harry Potter and the Chamberpot of Secrets 30/07/18 19:00:22 |
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Which is bigger? There's not a vas deferens between them. 10/06/18 7:02:16 |
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"Must be a newlywed." 08/06/18 8:07:31 |
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He's used to a good floor ride. 29/05/18 19:19:48 |
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That's the problem with the youth of today, no backbone. 19/04/18 11:19:18 |
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Zoe decided to sit down after being stood up. 17/04/18 19:03:01 |
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13/04/18 12:45:06 |
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trapezey jet? --Dan Nicholls
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"They said they don't do liver" 17/03/18 12:23:14 |
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03/03/18 8:07:26 |
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21/02/18 20:01:01 |
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21/02/18 8:21:54 |
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He's looking for a chest board. --John Glover
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I've just finished with my boyfriend. I had to let him down gently. 07/02/18 21:11:06 |
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17/01/18 20:06:15 |
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From an early age Diane Abbott has been seen hanging round trying to get into the cabinet. 15/01/18 13:00:34 |
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Sabrina was a touch envious when Kelly did a mime of her new boyfriend. 09/01/18 12:38:27 |
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07/01/18 8:31:37 |
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'Trap ease artiste' perhaps? --John Glover
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06/01/18 20:00:40 |
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05/01/18 13:10:35 |
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Vanessa kindly made a large deposit into the 2024 Dave Awards fund! Much appreciated, Vanessa!
11:49am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
This was no bog-standard caption, Vanessa! Congratulations.
1:43pm
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Well done Vanessa - really good captions again from you last month. And nice one for your donation too
3:59pm
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Splendid caption Vanessa! hearing you'd won was like music to my rear.
6:31am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
It's the biggest (asp?) I've ever seen.
8:06am
comment on caption:
"Does my asp look big in this?" [Vanessa the Guesser]
Lorena Bobbitt's daughter, on the left.
8:34pm
comment on caption:
🎵 Working nine to Fyffe 🎵 [Vanessa the Guesser]
She must be - how else would her Tena pad stay in place?
7:08am
comment on caption:
I'd still check whether she's wearing knickers or not. [Vanessa the Guesser]
It wouldn't surprise me if they got marrowed.
8:43pm
comment on caption:
Romancing the Bone [Vanessa the Guesser]
Marco Pool-o?
8:47pm
comment on caption:
Buoy racer [Vanessa the Guesser]
And here I thought, only 'old' potatoes grew big eyes on them.
12:42am
comment on caption:
Look at the eyes on these couch potatoes. [Vanessa the Guesser]