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Midge was waiting for Mary and Mungo to turn up.

22/10/16 20:20:43

And now his wife taunts us with the last Dorito

12/10/16 11:00:43

McDonalds launch Breakfast Happy Meal

08/10/16 7:29:25

"No time for tree hugging, we've got crotches to sniff!"

01/10/16 11:06:58

The Kardashians go house hunting on Mars.

08/09/16 7:03:32

Wide eyed and legless.

07/09/16 19:49:49

May the Force-fed be with you

Wed 8:26:40

He spends most of his time trying to get into her pants.

30/12/24 20:12:36

"Hallo Jen!"

07/12/24 8:07:22

"I can teach you some doggy?"

22/11/24 8:02:52

Penne pushers

11/11/24 20:01:33

"No, I'm not balancing your balls on my nose."

09/11/24 12:03:06

When you invite a fungi round for lunch.

09/11/24 8:06:39

Budgie smugglers should be banned.

08/11/24 8:15:40

Parrot-fashion.

08/11/24 8:07:51

I think this calls for a rusk assessment.

25/10/24 19:05:07

"Anyone fancy a fleasome?"

13/10/24 19:02:04

Meals in wheels

02/10/24 7:05:04

There's a limit to what I'll Putin my mouth.

01/10/24 19:00:49

When you've got faulty genes and suspect your child's a carrier.

28/09/24 7:03:15

I'm finding it difficult to do a three pointing turn.

24/09/24 7:03:47

Enjoying themselves whilst the kids are in the nursery.

17/09/24 12:58:35

Flake's 7

12/09/24 19:09:09

Retired tennis players still enjoyed participating in the Grand Slam.

11/09/24 11:10:26

Not sure The Human Centipede qualifies for World Book Day.

10/09/24 19:19:12

The Joy of Sext

15/08/24 19:01:53

That's my grammar's house.

14/08/24 7:16:49

When your date claims to be one of the Chippendales.

06/08/24 11:05:40

#Two's company, wee's a crowd.

04/08/24 7:09:39

"F*ck me, Anita! How is that vase balanced on the table?"

02/08/24 11:03:21

"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow? A green pill or a red one?"

01/08/24 19:00:48, edited: 01/08/24 19:02:07

Next assault: pepper spray

27/07/24 11:20:57

It would take more than 10 pints to get her up the Duff.

16/07/24 19:07:46

🎵 Your sex is on fire 🎵

12/07/24 19:04:46

"Surprisingly, the vicar DOES want more tea."

30/06/24 11:18:30

clever

Dave always gets a bit Bolshoi before he's had his morning coffee.

28/06/24 7:13:04

I hope he keeps his Andes to himself.

21/06/24 19:05:59

He left a tip, but ate the rest of his hand.

17/06/24 19:12:20

"I don't think Hammy will ever ride again."

"Why not?"

"He's been banned for two years.."

15/06/24 19:15:56

He looks like he's in pain.

05/06/24 7:03:34

creative

An exquisite property on the best cellar list.

26/05/24 19:14:44

It was hummuscide.

25/05/24 7:15:03

Conspiracy to Kermit murder

25/04/24 19:39:37

This is what happens when you hang round with The Love Bug.

16/04/24 7:26:46

The business has gone belly up.

13/04/24 7:11:52

High School

28/03/24 20:02:34

Winter is coming

22/03/24 20:08:56

Departures straight ahead.

21/03/24 20:22:25

"I wish the tosser in front of me would move out of the way."

18/03/24 20:02:01

Volkswagen Gulf

13/03/24 20:15:48

Meanwhile, seagulls with a higher than average IQ gave a rye smile.

12/03/24 8:29:42

Heads will roll for the idiots who bought the office guillotine.

09/03/24 12:06:29

He has trouble remembering The Highway Cod.

04/03/24 20:02:26

If the passengers find out, they'll have kittens.

01/03/24 8:04:29

Candy floss for afters!

24/02/24 20:09:51, edited: 24/02/24 20:13:55

Smart casual dress is required for The Ritz.

04/02/24 20:17:49

A satisfying meal.

02/02/24 20:09:08

Not for the first time, Dave felt he was about to let a bird down.

31/01/24 8:06:42

She later ran off with the Breast Man.

27/12/23 20:05:17

Guess how many old captions in the bins competition! Winner gets a year's supply of superglue.

31/10/23 8:04:56

I hate it when my horse Flounders at the end of a race.

18/10/23 11:03:09

After eating this, I couldn't stop the projectile vomiting.

12/10/23 19:04:37

Simply to die for.

07/10/23 11:05:09

Dave was a master baiter.

30/09/23 7:13:57

Just chillin'

30/08/23 7:14:39

Looks like a happy ending.

23/08/23 19:36:43

How to make lardy cakes from scratch.

20/08/23 19:32:54

It was so fortunate there had been a Frenchman cycling past at teatime.

16/08/23 19:19:42

Persistent road rage offenders are to complete angora management courses.

15/08/23 7:16:55

There's nothing better than a good clean game of Mousetrap.

12/08/23 7:08:38

Can you smell what it is yet?

03/08/23 7:17:04

Friends with fringe benefits.

07/07/23 19:23:44

Harry badly needs the throne but sadly he's fifth in line..

(nod to 12:04:13)

27/06/23 14:21:37, edited: 27/06/23 14:22:56

"Oi! No need for the fowl language!"

23/06/23 19:04:59

High tea

22/06/23 11:08:38

He could end up needing a doctor rather than keeping one away.

17/06/23 11:23:08

clever

This is what happens when you pee and the sun shines out of your backside at the same time.

12/06/23 19:47:04

Dave is always sneaking off to the pub, so his wife tries to keep tabs on him.

27/05/23 11:20:29

"I see the pound's getting stronger."

27/05/23 7:03:55

Where's Wallis?

Ladybird books, circa 1930

23/05/23 19:14:50

That moment when you hastily withdraw, hoping the neighbours didn't see you curtain twitching.

16/05/23 7:04:56

Bantam of the Opera

05/05/23 7:04:01

Superman! Nice to see you, to see you, nice!

21/04/23 19:01:43

"According to Monty Don, it's nearly your flowerbed time."

19/04/23 12:21:51

"I think I've got some Marvin Gaye at home."

08/04/23 7:07:57

Little Strummer Boy

22/03/23 12:08:48

"I wonder where she's from. Maybe Alaska?"

21/03/23 20:10:37

It's a no-go area.

14/03/23 20:04:23

Apparently his wife's been playing away.

12/03/23 13:06:50

Public toilet

28/02/23 8:00:23

"Has anybody called the copse?"

23/02/23 8:03:29

Worse things happen at C.

21/02/23 8:04:21

Jane was soon seen rushing to the customer service desk.

18/02/23 12:04:40

"Would you please come and lay my table?"

17/02/23 8:31:49

Somebody choked the poor thing last night.

17/02/23 8:00:16

When my Snickers fell down, there was a beautiful pussy for all to see.

15/02/23 8:00:48

Don't hesitate, it'll be Gone in 60 Seconds.

14/02/23 20:10:46

Such lovely marigolds!

11/02/23 12:00:08

When Sean Connery's cat looked different, he remarked "Something's Amish."

11/02/23 8:02:29

The Cat in the Hat

11/02/23 8:00:10