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They've been friends for years, but the cracks are beginning to show.

15/07/24 11:01:50

Get out quick and no fannying around.

12/07/24 19:01:47

"I'm so glad I didn't have an extermination."

30/06/24 19:01:49

clever

*Sigh*. Just one Mr Wright would have done.

26/06/24 19:08:22

"Don't you just love these invisible maracas?"

22/06/24 19:11:06

"Order, order!"

"Ok, I'll have the spare ribs."

27/05/24 19:10:42

Multiple dump trucks are heading this way.

24/05/24 7:18:01

Meanwhile, irate drivers report yet more potty holes.

24/05/24 7:03:42

Sundae driver

18/05/24 7:31:15

Typical stag do. Left naked in a field, miles away from home.

27/04/24 19:10:01

"Senna? Yes, I took some before the race."

20/04/24 7:08:59

Try thinking outside the lunchbox.

13/04/24 7:08:12

On the hunt for cereal killers.

10/02/24 20:03:00

Dave only knows one way of making a woman wet.

02/11/23 20:20:52

Some people should be doing porridge.

30/10/23 20:19:37

🎵 I always feel like my oven's watching me 🎵

26/09/23 20:09:32

Photo bombing.

12/08/23 19:26:26

"Tracey in accounts keeps shitting everywhere. She needs more training."

09/08/23 7:17:00

You don't realise until you go through airport arrivals how many people are called 159.

16/06/23 19:06:18

Christmas Eve.

14/05/23 19:00:27

"Have you got any ID on you?"

"No, but I've been served herbivore."

13/05/23 19:31:10

clever

It started off as a small stool but just got bigger.

02/05/23 14:09:42

"Anyone for chilly sauce?"

12/04/23 19:01:53

"Hmm...strange. The satnav said bear left."

07/03/23 8:44:48

River Banksy strikes again.

27/02/23 20:08:35

Does that mean no access to Uranus?

01/02/23 8:00:11

A stationery car.

17/01/23 20:00:11

No-one told Julia she had lost her yo-yo two miles ago.

07/01/23 20:04:43

However, in the library setting we would prefer you to stick to the silent but deadly type.

16/11/22 8:05:49

I still prefer the 70s favourite, Chicken in a basket.

15/11/22 8:21:10

Every griddle helps.

15/11/22 8:00:48

"Sorry lads, the Andrex puppy nicked all the paper."

11/11/22 8:05:29

Grandma Torino

27/10/22 19:08:46

No doubt made in Chian.

01/09/22 7:00:19

"Waiter, what's this dragon doing in my food?"

"Not sure sir, is it the salsa?"

05/08/22 11:41:04

It just won't flush down.

28/07/22 11:01:31

Chute to kill

06/07/22 19:00:17

He's having a meltdown.

25/05/22 7:05:27

Who wouldn't be tired after being ridden all night?

24/05/22 19:05:43

A face only a moth could love.

24/05/22 7:03:51

"Wait - I'm not on the pill!"

"Don't worry - we're both Middle Aged."

14/05/22 11:25:56

clever

For once captioneers are left stumped as to the whereabouts of the pussycat.

11/05/22 19:12:21

When kids need to spend a penny farthing.

08/03/22 12:00:11

Pork shops

26/01/22 8:30:23

This is a picture of a polar bear in a massive bowl of rice pudding snorting cocaine.

25/01/22 12:05:23

They never knew their father. Their mother kept them in the dark.

19/01/22 20:22:13

Uri Geller's hometown.

06/01/22 20:56:19

After Dave ran off with a flamingo, his wife decided toucan play that game.

01/01/22 8:29:43

Life in a goldfish bowl is not so much fun once you've eaten the occupants.

14/12/21 20:39:00

He announced he's biceptual.

10/12/21 20:01:49

More crap jewellery from Ratner's... available for a limited period

07/12/21 20:13:54

"It Handel's quite well"

17/11/21 8:09:09

Diaper Another Day

12/11/21 8:14:23

creative

I think the parents should be charged.

20/10/21 7:09:09

Gulliver prosecuted for careless disposal of paperclips.

27/09/21 19:08:37

"Well I did promise your mum I'd do some vacuuming.."

09/09/21 19:00:40

When you love someone enough to give them your last Strepsil

31/08/21 7:22:41

♪ I heard it through the grapevine

27/08/21 19:05:13

Steiffel Tower

05/08/21 11:10:50

Cateau

03/08/21 7:01:07

Somebody's had too many scraps.

30/07/21 7:02:36

A wireless mouse

19/06/21 12:16:32

By Johnson & Johnson Ltd

16/06/21 19:00:08

People in IT are a strange bunch

21/05/21 11:00:11

Doggy style just wasn't doing it for Tiddles.

07/05/21 7:19:20

Adam Ant's courier service: Stand and Deliver

30/04/21 7:08:44

Who ate JR?

12/04/21 19:18:54

You're welcome. Wham! didn't want mine.

11/04/21 19:05:13

Bill Board

27/02/21 20:02:34

Leave her to stew in her own deuce.

26/02/21 13:01:54

And the winner of "Who has got the fewest teeth?" is...

23/02/21 20:00:48

He thinks he's a superhero with his capon.

08/02/21 12:09:31

"I ordered mewsli."

29/01/21 20:19:24

Somebody's had too many Jar Jars

27/01/21 12:11:34

🎵 You take the high road and I'll take merlot road 🎵

23/01/21 12:14:35

Calvin Declines

19/01/21 9:36:26

Every donkey's favourite TV soap.

16/01/21 20:00:09

For Absolute Beginners.

11/01/21 20:00:08

Bambi's best friend was a bible-thumper.

06/12/20 20:12:20

Childbearing Barbie 20% off plus free delivery

26/11/20 20:01:24

The daily grind.

03/10/20 19:11:31

Anna Bolic and her sister, Sham.

26/09/20 7:03:48

Vroom with a view

08/09/20 19:01:35

"Crikey! It stinks of bush."

07/09/20 19:29:42

A full report can be seen on News at Ten after the bongs.

01/09/20 7:04:18

I always hang round the bouncers when I go clubbing.

30/08/20 19:11:44

"She's a vintage model and still goes."

"That's no way to speak about your grandma."

29/08/20 11:12:53

"Careful! Prince Philip's behi-.."

29/08/20 11:01:27

As Simon Cowell would say, you can't carry a tuna.

23/08/20 11:05:39

"I've not practiced for a while but it still gives me a buzz."

07/08/20 7:05:37

"What's your handicap?"
"My arms are a bit short."

05/08/20 19:21:45

"How many players has he eaten today?"

"Fore!"

05/08/20 19:14:27

At least up there they don't have to listen to Cliff Richard droning on.

24/07/20 12:15:43

Young Dave's face covering is cutting edge.

21/07/20 7:03:00

"I was rather hoping for a massage in a brothel."

15/07/20 19:02:04

"You're driving me in Seine."

14/07/20 19:00:19

Jeremy Fissure

11/07/20 11:06:01

Prince Philip goes into self-isolation.

20/06/20 7:10:10

"Take me to the seedy part of town."

17/06/20 7:05:36

The perfect disguise for lockdown Cummings and goings.

25/05/20 19:00:13