"Is there a deluxe version with a tongue?"
(Asking for a friend)

03/11/21 12:39:41

Baby on board

20/10/21 11:00:22

clever

"No comment"

02/10/21 14:03:22

"Yes, I can see the problem with your roof. We can certainly cure that."

13/09/21 11:33:38

They are desperate for a leek
(Nod to 12.07.09)

25/06/21 11:13:42

"Bill, make sure you get a good photo of us."

06/06/21 7:38:57

"Listen, can I call you back later? I'm up to my neck in it here."

28/05/21 19:01:03

lol

"Stop moaning, Dave, I carried her for 9 months. It's only another mile or so."

18/03/21 12:07:39

'Hmmm, got the leotard sorted. Now to choose a workout DVD...'

15/12/20 8:49:44

He knows all the short cuts

13/09/19 19:43:39

clever

Mystery tour

04/07/19 7:32:22

"Oh Officer, am I in hot water?"

29/06/19 19:56:00

clever

"I'm just going out for a quick spin"

06/03/19 8:22:17

creative

"Ah, Saturday morning. I fancy a fly-up."

12/11/16 8:37:22

"This would be more comfortable on a bed of rice."

09/11/24 8:30:22

lol

"Quick, Ethel! Put your bag on the seat."

03/10/24 7:15:33

"... and that, Dave, is why you don't follow the five second rule."

22/08/24 11:59:19, edited: 22/08/24 12:02:26

It was going cheep

04/05/24 19:01:50

creative

The heads and shoulders were fine but the knees and toes was pushing it somewhat.

16/12/23 13:25:10

"Hey gorgeous! Wanna be a crash test mummy?"

30/08/23 19:11:17

The eagerly awaited application form to appear on Caption.me.

26/08/23 19:04:08

Time to unwind

01/01/23 20:24:57

"It's time you shaved that moustache. It's looking rather stale, mate."

29/08/22 7:38:06

Dear Mittens,

Having a lovely time. Weather's nice, rocks are warm. Locals are hot. Fishermen are generous. Sorry you got caught and put in the cattery.

Wish you were here,

Tom

27/07/22 7:40:52

Sit long enough and you become part of the furniture.

15/07/22 19:06:09

"Do you think we cadaver nother bottle?"

12/07/22 7:33:49

clever

Synchronised trimming

22/11/20 21:13:13

Leaning Tower of Pisser

15/11/20 8:26:49

"Yep, send me 500 litres, that's correct. I have an interesting client wants to go Ash Blonde."

24/07/20 7:30:24

A police cover-up.

06/07/20 7:41:28

"So that's it then, we're in a stable relationship?"

30/05/20 7:00:48

Game Rover

01/05/20 19:19:22

"Dave, when I said 'Bring a chick to the party'..."

28/03/20 8:23:23

Ergh! Get an alley...

22/03/20 20:08:57

"No ketchup, thanks"

22/02/20 18:34:09

Grounded hog day

13/12/19 20:28:02

lol

"...and so I said 'OK princess...but look...no tongues'"

06/09/19 9:36:50

-"He looks a bit rough today."
-"Yeah, he went out last night."

30/05/19 7:32:49

"I'm sorry but I'm out at the moment, please leave a message"

08/05/19 7:10:57

Holy cow!

12/01/19 20:07:58

"What a rubbish fancy dress party... there's no atmosphere."

24/10/18 19:23:09

Mr Hubbard loved surprising his wife

12/09/18 7:13:52

Beef encounter

22/07/18 8:58:23

creative x2

Young Akito here, was 7 yrs old when he set off with his pet to Show and Tell. The Truancy Officer has been informed.

22/02/18 8:58:04

A pecker on the cheek

07/01/18 13:21:24

"It looks like the printers are on strike again, dear"

17/08/17 7:46:38

You spoil that puppy

05/09/24 19:01:59

Eddie Van Healin'

17/01/24 8:24:44

lol

Wirewoolf.

09/09/23 11:25:11

lol

"I'm very grateful and all that but next time just throw me a rubber ring, okay. So embarrassing."

15/04/23 7:04:52

Viral staircase

10/04/23 19:00:08

clever

"He wouldn't take that jumper off so I washed it with him still in it."

12/09/22 7:37:07

"I need my tablets, Dave. They're in the brown case or the black bag or possibly the big trunk."

28/12/21 20:17:51

Thing was a huge Beatles fan

14/12/21 8:21:18

Young Dave grew up to become a fireman.

09/12/21 14:21:22

Dave had the pick of the litter

23/11/21 8:24:32

"I thought we'd agreed we weren't doing f**king presents this year!"

28/09/21 7:08:33

lol

"You're not quite selling it, Nigella. Can you lick your finger or something?"

18/07/21 8:07:38

"Okay, let's see that mad cow boil this one."

29/05/21 7:13:05

A Tale of Two Shitters

17/01/21 9:52:25

New Kids on the Blocks

16/12/20 20:25:38

"This year's a bumper crop

10/10/20 19:15:35

He has a gamboling addiction

10/09/20 19:08:56

Recipient: Mumndad@btinternet.com

I've filled it again.

ps: Bring air freshener.

XX

02/09/20 7:42:14

"Love, your dinner's on the hob"

30/06/20 11:32:02

Ha ha ha... These captions are otterly hilarious

15/04/20 19:19:57

"Would someone please lay the table?"

11/08/19 13:12:11

lol

"Love, at least you can reach the top shelf now."

23/06/19 19:30:46

Is it cos I is ginger?

09/04/19 7:47:30

"What happens if you pull this ro- "

23/01/19 20:26:18

lol creative

Police release CCTV footage of savage wart removal attack on Nanny McPhee

18/01/19 9:35:15

Bearbeque

27/11/18 20:41:49

I couldn't decide which top to wear so I wore them all

28/10/18 20:27:49

creative

Visitors to the Horticultural Show were treated to a moving display of Heather, Jasmine, Poppy, Violet, Daisy and Petunia.

14/09/18 10:10:23

Keeping abreast with the latest novels

15/10/17 19:17:33

Goes well with his mousetache

28/07/17 7:11:28

creative

His mistake was adding a moat and a few ducks

01/09/24 8:10:26

"Quit nagging, I'm just gonna have the one."

30/08/24 7:01:28

Checking-in can sometimes be a bit of a hurdle.

26/05/24 7:37:36

lol

"Stay back, David Cameron!"

25/04/24 19:18:27

He looks a bit dippy

23/02/24 20:19:03

I had a crap time

09/02/24 8:18:01

clever

Sillycone Alley

01/02/24 13:14:46

"Oh, calm down! You're getting yourself into a stew."

12/01/24 12:13:57

lol

"He's chosen what he wants for Christmas, Dave. You can wrap it."

11/01/24 20:52:32

Guess who had pilchards for lunch?

15/12/23 12:03:35

"Dave, I think she's screaming that she wants to go faster."

27/11/23 12:12:06

Trill sergeant

17/11/23 12:28:02

"Felix, how much catnip did you give him?"

24/10/23 7:22:31

She wishes to identify as a seahorse.

18/10/23 11:16:51

"Now can you see that crack in the ceiling?"

23/09/23 13:42:20

"Look what the cat's dragged in by"

02/09/23 7:16:21

"I really didn't think it would take TEN minutes to get you hard!"

31/08/23 7:43:34

"Hmm, he smells so good, Nancy. It's that new aftershave by Jean-Paul Goatier."

09/08/23 19:24:10

"Just take the f****** picture," grumbled young Philip.

23/05/23 19:36:57

Yet another tit lighting his own farts

12/05/23 19:00:13

Ear doughfenders

04/03/23 20:33:22

Greetings from us. We just wanted to say 'HI-YAH!'

07/12/22 12:29:23

'Sharp right just here should shake off those tiresome goats'

14/10/22 12:04:25

"Nice to meet you too," said the invisible man.

24/09/22 7:06:48