best earliest latest latest and best captions

"Get me out of here, I'm a celebrikitty!"

14/12/21 20:23:45

"Off you go to the fancy dress party and you won't go next year if you don't win first place as a pack of penguins."

12/12/21 21:05:51

By Edvard Munched

13/11/21 8:11:32

"Thank you all for attending. We'd like to offer the one in the middle the lead role for Lassie Come Ham."

27/10/21 19:57:13

"Mildred, do you remember the old days when we had to fanny about with knives and forks?"

27/09/21 11:27:50

"Stop messing about and just hurry up and drink one."

11/09/21 7:47:39

"No need to take the piss! I got dressed in the dark, alright?"

21/08/21 8:04:29

A very good lickness

18/08/21 19:43:50

"Luv, I think it's time we gave the ceiling light a clean out."

17/08/21 19:14:24

Laying an Egg - Several Easy Steps

08/08/21 12:37:56

"So you like to crap behind the curtain as well?"

25/07/21 7:21:55

"Oops. Terribly sorry," said Rover. "I didn't see the ladder there."

19/07/21 11:25:41

"C'mon, hurry up! I was supposed to be meeting Bella on the common ten minutes ago."

19/07/21 7:22:54

"I'm sure our neighbour's on drugs. There's just something about that glazed expression."

18/07/21 12:22:37

Having a bite to eat

10/07/21 11:35:08

"Does he feed well?"
"Oh yeah, he eats like a pig."

05/07/21 7:15:11

"I think we should get the hell out of here. I wondered why I hadn't seen Dexter the Dachshund lately."

30/06/21 7:29:22

"Told you we should have got a black dog."

27/06/21 7:36:04

SSSSSssshit!

23/06/21 7:28:31

lol

'Learning to operate the remote control is the best thing I've ever done,' thought Mousey as he tripped safely across to the pantry.

16/06/21 7:11:49

"Pint of Pedigree, mate"

02/06/21 19:10:48

'Blimey, I've still got it!' thought Peaky proudly. 'First time I've pulled a swan.'

01/06/21 7:39:53

"Sorry, I can't come in to work today, I've got diarrhoea."

28/05/21 19:02:23

"Lenny, I'm just gonna put a hole in the spare tyre and then that's dinner sorted."

25/05/21 11:00:35

🎵 You can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm a corvid bird, it's time to stalk
Cars abound, roadkill's warm
Squashed hedgehogs since I was born
Beep, beep, beep, beep. Stayin' alive, stayin' alive 🎵

20/05/21 20:31:42

"Just give us a kiss and stop foaling around."

13/05/21 7:26:06

"Loads of plonkers here, Shaz. Why do we always seem to attract the drips?"

03/05/21 15:29:56

what happens when shagging anything with a pulse.

28/04/21 14:10:31

Horses for Corsas

19/04/21 14:44:21

"Mum, why did Uncle Dave make me hold this pen?"

16/04/21 20:34:25

"There are times when I hate this job, it's just offal."

16/04/21 7:12:25

It was tragic but he was soon whisked away

14/04/21 10:17:42

"Yeah, they'll all be back gawping at us on the 12th but you will be able to increase your car badge collection."

06/04/21 18:01:37

It's a dirty job but someone has to deliver Easter eggs to those filthy humans

02/04/21 19:16:15

Dave's motorbike doesn't go very fast now but it's going to be souped up.

27/03/21 20:03:56

"Before you go out in public, I do wish you'd brush your hair."

28/02/21 10:21:14

"You go too far, Heston."

25/02/21 8:39:35

As kids we tend not to like veg but as you get older it grows on you

24/02/21 12:43:19

Wake-up call

16/02/21 8:51:22

Definitely not the full shilling

13/02/21 12:19:25

-"I've been watching her for 20 minutes now and she hasn't moved."
-"Ah, that's the Stationary Department."

26/01/21 20:20:15

"Could do with a liquor paint"

24/01/21 12:25:57

Apparently, it was named after the Smart family.

16/01/21 21:02:06

A fair round attraction

10/01/21 21:09:52

Rover is a working dog. He's now branching out into prosthetics.

23/12/20 8:18:55

Obviously a female gull. She's checking if her bum looks big...

19/12/20 14:03:10

Thank heavens, he's being given the green light

20/11/20 12:31:54

"I could stay here all day simply mesmerized by her"
"I couldn't, it's as boring as watching dry paint"

05/11/20 8:55:54

Sheep just adore elephants.

02/11/20 8:02:06

"The next stop will be Lockdown - full speed ahead"

01/11/20 14:09:03

Dear Miss Johnson, unfortunately we are unable to process your passport application as your submitted photo is unsuitable...

22/10/20 20:02:26

Its bite is worse than its bark

19/10/20 19:07:09

When the guard came he gave her a right mouthful

18/10/20 19:08:46

"Make sure you do both sides," they said in unison.

14/10/20 11:48:10

"Clare, tortoises ARE vegetarian, aren't they?"

08/10/20 19:10:47

She's in shock - That's just the packaging for the remote control

06/10/20 19:53:43

'Tell me, Alison, why are the trees always on the other side of the lake when I need to cock my leg?'

05/10/20 14:36:41

"Daphne, I really think it's time we cut that umbilical cord"

04/10/20 19:20:45

"It's rude to read over someone's shoulder - so p!ss off"

20/09/20 8:38:28

Pup Art

18/09/20 11:50:44

"Gladys, are you sure these are all mine?"

28/08/20 8:48:30

🎵Everybody cut foot loose🎵 - as performed by The Oklahoma Child Amputees Musical Society

27/08/20 11:26:54

How derrière that in public?

25/08/20 19:18:19

🎵 🎵 We built this settee on rock and rubble

18/08/20 7:31:21

"No idea whose it is. Let's advertise it as Lost Property and then some body will claim it."

04/08/20 11:23:09

Write an hilarious caption and vote for an equally hilarious caption. You know the drill.

26/07/20 20:18:21

"Perhaps we shouldn't have opted for the 'Pick-your-own Piranha Sushi'."

22/07/20 7:30:12

I am a man staring at a screen showing a man staring at a screen showing a man staring at a screen showing a man staring at a screen...My head hurts

10/07/20 19:12:46

"Yes, your hair has suffered a little during lockdown, Mrs Perkins. I think we'll start by toning down the colour."

10/07/20 7:05:07

-"It is quiet here this evening, isn't it?"
-"Because you keep saying 'Yer not on the list, yer not comin' in'."

02/07/20 12:22:22

"That's gross...! Awful. Raw meat should always be kept on the bottom shelf."

29/06/20 19:35:22

Ever since the red telephone box ceased to be, public phones have gone down the pan

27/06/20 13:28:26

"Come, quick! There's a fire..."

24/06/20 11:26:31

"Come to Blackpool they said. Zillions of chip-eaters they said... WHERE?"

21/06/20 11:11:56

Trainee white witches use duster mops when learning to fly

06/06/20 20:06:56

Eight out of ten budgies prefer Trill. The other two prefer Whiskas.

04/06/20 12:40:07

'Nah, it's just not big enough to make me a pair of shoes'

01/06/20 19:14:16

Ted was looking forward to giving her a good stuffing

31/05/20 19:38:25

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Oh, Jane...tell me you haven't"

24/05/20 7:31:34

Pugs have such comical faeces

15/05/20 15:43:48

...and that's how ladies in bookshops discreetly pick their noses

14/05/20 20:02:55

You can feed her like a book

14/05/20 19:19:41

See, men can multitask

14/05/20 11:24:59

It was all a bit of a brewhaha

12/05/20 7:14:13

"Terribly sorry, Mister, but I just made a little delivery of my own right where you're standing"

11/05/20 14:37:52

"What's up with 'em, Doc?"

07/05/20 8:07:06

Not happy bunnies

07/05/20 7:18:01

It's a bit of a dump

22/04/20 19:13:28

-"Oh! Bernard, look... Have you seen that terrible eyesore next door?"
-"Ah, Wendy. Do you think I may have slipped too much in there?"

10/04/20 19:27:46

'How kind of Dave to let me burro his toothbrush'

09/04/20 20:21:54

A grave understatement

07/04/20 11:39:11

"I'm having the turtle head soup for starters"

04/04/20 8:45:28

He didn't know a giant red paintball was also about to strike him. His future's orange.

02/04/20 11:12:44

"You're my last client, Mrs Gale. The government says I have to fold up for a while."

28/03/20 21:26:29

I'd rather be short

25/03/20 21:02:16

This hairstyle is a bang out of order

13/03/20 8:18:35

"RAAAGHHH, I'm feline rather off colour today."

14/02/20 8:37:30

As table lamps go, she makes a deadly light shade

25/01/20 18:37:16

"Look Sid, the neighbours are green with envy at our IKEA shelving."

23/01/20 8:48:35

They never walk alone

21/01/20 20:19:13