best earliest latest latest and best captions

"Nobody want a slice...? I suppose it'll keep for yet another year."

12/04/23 11:39:34

On a stag do you can always spot the 'Conor McGregor' who's up for a fight

11/04/23 19:48:14

"That was a delicious meal with all the trimmings."

06/04/23 20:13:27

5/5 - Really pleased. The yolk goes right into the corners and it tastes so much better.

Eggwina, Blackpool


2/5 - Disappointed. The width measured 3mm more than the height making a rectangular egg.

Anon, Woking

04/04/23 19:20:13

My pursenal trainer

31/03/23 7:02:44

"...and you know no-one's ever stolen my purse since."

30/03/23 15:36:51

"Now that's my kind of woman," slobbered David Cameron.

26/03/23 7:14:13

🎵 I'm all shook up
Mm-mm, blaarrgghhhh 🎵

22/03/23 12:29:58

"Get 'em off, Dave. You can't be shy at a nudist camp."

20/03/23 8:32:08

Later, the artists were subjected to a smear campaign.

19/03/23 8:27:51, edited: 19/03/23 8:58:56

"So tell me again. You bought some weed off a squirrel in the park? It was good weed then..."

11/03/23 20:16:53, edited: 12/03/23 9:45:23

Looks like Mr Tickle's seat.

20/02/23 14:40:42

The 'It Will Take All Day Breakfast'

05/02/23 14:01:54

"That's so dangerous... She'll smash some bottles!"

31/01/23 20:49:44

Sometimes you just know when you're coming to the end of the road

27/01/23 8:21:23

"...and this is why deer should not be encouraged to use public conveniences."

22/01/23 8:15:47

Rita has a blast playing her version of musical chairs.

18/01/23 8:31:46

Meanwhile, looking down at the pathetic mess below, Tina pole danced knickerless and unfettered.

16/01/23 20:34:43

"Cadaver P please, Bob"

15/01/23 13:05:11

It's having tantric secs

01/01/23 20:17:21

Nan's thrilled with her new, thick-soled slippers

30/12/22 8:39:28

Those VWs can certainly last to a ripe age

12/12/22 8:17:29, edited: 12/12/22 8:19:48

Before he made it big in acting Thing had a job testing sportswear

09/12/22 12:09:02

"A pint of Pedigree, please."

09/12/22 8:07:58

creative

"Nope, can't smell my fingers at all, Chardonnay. I'm gonna send a photo of these amazing wet wipes to Jermaine."

26/11/22 8:12:30

Haggis was sure this would impress the poodle bitch at No 27.

24/11/22 20:25:08

Sir's up!

21/11/22 12:28:25

"No, Betsy, I can't see why he's outstanding in his field either."

19/11/22 13:14:39

"Can we have a paddling truck, Dad?"

Keeping up with the Carsplashians.

13/11/22 14:28:36

A serious case of bird flu

12/11/22 8:37:29

BBC reveals its method for weather forecasting.

01/11/22 14:17:14

"Now pass me my 9-iron, Mum."

31/10/22 8:24:13

Jurassic larks

21/10/22 11:13:57

"Why are you staring at my rear?"
"I've heard there's a joke on your back somewhere."

(Nod to other choccy biccy captions)

07/10/22 19:25:09, edited: 07/10/22 19:25:41

"Albert, we forgot to order the fries."

29/09/22 11:50:05

Tar tar, Grandad

14/09/22 15:46:34

"Have you locked the tools up?"
"Yes"

11/09/22 19:43:58

She accepted him because she'd heard he was excellent at husbandry.

10/09/22 7:23:37

So she can see everything Millie always brings ladders

23/08/22 7:35:46

🎵 Bob the Baker, can he mix it?

09/08/22 7:00:46, edited: 09/08/22 7:01:57

I bet they used Tide

08/08/22 7:00:40

When it's chilli I say 'Put a coat on'.

05/08/22 11:05:49

'You weren't trying to hide, were you? You forgets, I haz a nose.'

30/07/22 7:12:34

Has the cat got your tongue and groove?

28/07/22 7:19:38

Tom had only wanted some tips on catching koi from next door's pond but now he was caught up in a phishing scam.

20/07/22 11:29:45

"When I said bring some fresh food for the barbie I didn't mean THAT fresh!"

18/07/22 19:44:47

The marriage didn't last long. He insisted on going out every night without her.

18/07/22 7:32:46

That explains why ladies take so long going to the loo

17/07/22 7:00:51

They're all extraverts

16/07/22 19:04:02

*Whisper* Cocoa spiders work communally to attract human prey

11/07/22 7:55:30

He enjoys a daily sheet

02/07/22 19:31:48

"Hmm, I like them but they're rubbing me a bit... Can I try a bigger size?"

01/07/22 20:15:47

"You cannot be seri-ice!" Screamed McEnroe, having another meltdown.

25/06/22 19:14:56

We had a whirlwind romance but sadly after 3 days she went off

27/05/22 7:28:23

🎵 Let him go, let him go

25/05/22 7:45:42

The cat that forgot the shaving cream

22/05/22 13:47:29

🎵 Take a walker on the wild side 🎵

14/05/22 7:01:53

"Change the lightbulb while you're there, Sis, it's dark in here."

04/05/22 7:37:17

We called him Larry Grayson

01/05/22 19:45:40

My Little Moany

(Nod to 20:17:47)

22/04/22 19:30:12

It's a pusstry.

22/04/22 15:03:03

Bouquet watch

22/04/22 7:45:04

'Sharon's gonna pay for this. That's some baaad nip...'

18/04/22 12:31:46

🎵 Light a candle for the wind

13/04/22 11:00:37

I really fancy some chow.

02/04/22 15:06:01

"Okay, so who can spell...?"

31/03/22 11:25:23

"Oh Dave, what a shame it's shut. Never mind, there's a nice shoe shop around the corner."

29/03/22 7:26:41

"Daddy, I'm making you a hotsprog."
"Dog, sweetie. HotDOG."

25/03/22 20:01:23

"Dad! Your adventures are sending me over the edge."

24/03/22 8:03:33

"Urgh! You've got crabs."

21/03/22 8:17:42

'My latest look should razor laugh'

20/03/22 8:47:33

"Dave, you're taking ages checking that noise outside... Dave? DAVE?"

17/03/22 20:02:26

"I think my snakes will win the fight at a squeeze."

09/03/22 8:17:13

May look tasty but it's knot

27/02/22 8:22:17

'I won't need to bath her tonight'

15/02/22 22:04:52

"...but we don't want to cross the road, weirdo."

13/02/22 15:29:43

"WOOF! GRRrrr...I hate people walking past here, don't you Butch?"
*SNARL* "Yeah, wanna tear 'em from limb to limb, GRRRrr... Oh, camera! SMILE."

10/02/22 8:39:56

"Don't you just love new shoes?"

05/02/22 8:07:08

She knew exactly what he was thinking - she could see right through him

01/02/22 9:17:15

Not surprised she wasn't left on the shelf

29/01/22 20:59:52

'Well, the chicken was tasty'

27/01/22 8:15:36

Cats - Coming to a screen near you

17/01/22 20:43:59

It's full of snakes

05/01/22 8:41:47

"So I have to share my bedroom with a noisy brat, lose all the doting attention and be 'mummy's little helper' for no pay? Huh, some promotion!"

02/01/22 13:28:04

That moment when you got dressed in the dark and realise you've put both legs in one leg hole.

01/01/22 20:10:57

'Ew! The most hideous case of split ends.'

20/12/21 8:10:41

Dave remembers just a moment too late that the in-laws don't like it when he licks the plate.

19/12/21 15:48:40

PS: For your convenience, please find a knife under the sink.

17/12/21 12:00:47

Everyone assumes this is a Knocker-up but they're wrong because it was 4.30 in the afternoon, in December. Mr Tapper was just the local irritating git.

13/12/21 12:37:52

"Have you thought of trying hand lotion at all?"

09/12/21 20:52:21

Aged 12½, Dave has his first enterprising attempt at The Stubborn Pimple Remover.

08/12/21 16:07:20

"There's a lot of mad cow disease about... Have you herd?"

30/11/21 8:06:56

"Julie, put your shoulders back, you're slouching."

26/11/21 20:46:07

St George at Asda

22/11/21 8:08:55

"No, Dave! I'll drive - you've had too many Babychams."

13/11/21 21:32:25

"Must dash...? Why you've only just arrived and haven't eaten anything."
"Moustache, Mary. Moustache."

08/11/21 12:17:27

"Hey, would you like to hook up sometime?"

06/11/21 16:06:35

"Oh no! The game's going down the pan."

05/11/21 12:12:45

"Flamin' Nora. That's a scary Toby jug."

02/11/21 20:32:53

'Ooooh,' thought Rose. 'I just can't resist a chap with a long tongue.'

29/10/21 11:49:31