captions

	"Daddy, I'm making you a hotsprog." "Dog, sweetie. HotDOG." 25/03/22 20:01:23	3

	"Dad! Your adventures are sending me over the edge." 24/03/22 8:03:33	3

	"Urgh! You've got crabs." 21/03/22 8:17:42	3

	'My latest look should razor laugh' 20/03/22 8:47:33	3

	"Dave, you're taking ages checking that noise outside... Dave? DAVE?" 17/03/22 20:02:26	3

	"I think my snakes will win the fight at a squeeze." 09/03/22 8:17:13	3

	May look tasty but it's knot 27/02/22 8:22:17	3

	'I won't need to bath her tonight' 15/02/22 22:04:52	1 3
That's because she'll have died of exposure. --Willie Johnson
	"...but we don't want to cross the road, weirdo." 13/02/22 15:29:43	3

	"WOOF! GRRrrr...I hate people walking past here, don't you Butch?" SNARL "Yeah, wanna tear 'em from limb to limb, GRRRrr... Oh, camera! SMILE." 10/02/22 8:39:56	3

	"Don't you just love new shoes?" 05/02/22 8:07:08	3

	She knew exactly what he was thinking - she could see right through him 01/02/22 9:17:15	3

	Not surprised she wasn't left on the shelf 29/01/22 20:59:52	3

	'Well, the chicken was tasty' 27/01/22 8:15:36	3

	Cats - Coming to a screen near you 17/01/22 20:43:59	3

	It's full of snakes 05/01/22 8:41:47	3

	"So I have to share my bedroom with a noisy brat, lose all the doting attention and be 'mummy's little helper' for no pay? Huh, some promotion!" 02/01/22 13:28:04	1 3
... Said Dad four years ago. :^) --Crunchy Chords
	That moment when you got dressed in the dark and realise you've put both legs in one leg hole. 01/01/22 20:10:57	3

	'Ew! The most hideous case of split ends.' 20/12/21 8:10:41	3

	Dave remembers just a moment too late that the in-laws don't like it when he licks the plate. 19/12/21 15:48:40	3

	PS: For your convenience, please find a knife under the sink. 17/12/21 12:00:47	3

	Everyone assumes this is a Knocker-up but they're wrong because it was 4.30 in the afternoon, in December. Mr Tapper was just the local irritating git. 13/12/21 12:37:52	3

	"Have you thought of trying hand lotion at all?" 09/12/21 20:52:21	3

	Aged 12½, Dave has his first enterprising attempt at The Stubborn Pimple Remover. 08/12/21 16:07:20	3

	"There's a lot of mad cow disease about... Have you herd?" 30/11/21 8:06:56	3

	"Julie, put your shoulders back, you're slouching." 26/11/21 20:46:07	3

	St George at Asda 22/11/21 8:08:55	3

	"No, Dave! I'll drive - you've had too many Babychams." 13/11/21 21:32:25	3

	"Must dash...? Why you've only just arrived and haven't eaten anything." "Moustache, Mary. Moustache." 08/11/21 12:17:27	3

	"Hey, would you like to hook up sometime?" 06/11/21 16:06:35	3

	"Oh no! The game's going down the pan." 05/11/21 12:12:45	3

	"Flamin' Nora. That's a scary Toby jug." 02/11/21 20:32:53	3

	'Ooooh,' thought Rose. 'I just can't resist a chap with a long tongue.' 29/10/21 11:49:31	3

	"Yum! My favourite. Fresh captioneer." 24/10/21 7:01:51	2 3
Fresh. Unlike his jokes. --Willie Johnson
	"Can I place a bet, please? A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse." 17/10/21 7:45:35	3

	"Well, he did say to 'keep it flowing'." 14/09/21 11:00:55	3

	"That's it, just move your foot to the right a bit and you've got it." 11/09/21 7:19:53	3

	"So that's 8 antelope steaks, 6 wildebeest steaks and 2 zebra legs...and we expect a quick delivery." 07/09/21 19:45:21	3

	"Sixty in a 30mph zone - so what have you got to say? Eh? Cat got your tongue?" 07/09/21 19:00:53	3

	"Dave, tell them behind they'll find out who's a martial arts expert if they don't stop kicking my fooking chair." 03/09/21 19:37:28	3

	"Hey, camera boy! Fetch me some tomato relish and I'll smile for ya." 17/08/21 7:18:31	3

	Heir-raising 09/08/21 7:15:46	3

	'To resist junk food one needs Will's power' 28/07/21 11:18:33	3

	The plane was later mysteriously found broken up. Investigators are currently checking the box. 12/07/21 11:40:36	3

	Dead on arrival 08/07/21 17:31:36	3

	"Come on, mate. The ball's in your court." 08/07/21 7:08:42	3

	It doesn't mince its words. That's one tough cookie. 03/07/21 7:59:34	3

	🎵 Bye-byes, baby. Baby, bye-byes 🎵 26/06/21 7:17:41	3

	I love Magic Eyes. Stare hard enough and you'll see Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen riding a unicorn. 24/06/21 11:43:59	3

	Dave WLTM lovely lady for fun times. Has own pad with indoor pool. 16/06/21 11:01:14	3

	Something old (the bike) Something new (the flowers) Something borrowed (the dress) Something blue (a sore bum) 15/06/21 19:36:35	3

	"So Bill, what do you think of Apple's latest product?" 05/06/21 7:41:37	3

	Definitely do NOT invite her to see some puppies OR ask her to show you her puppies. 28/05/21 12:15:20	3

	"Dave, I think you upset him in the shopping centre when you called him 'clumsy'." 13/05/21 20:43:39	3

	"They were watching telly so I sat in front doing my intimate hygiene. Sandra says 'Do you have to do that there, Tabitha?' Well, what did she expect me to say? So with leg in the air I gave her THE cat stare. They started arguing and the next thing I knew they'd gone to Majorca and I'm here in this luxury cat hotel." 13/05/21 12:14:38	3

	It was a tie between Bethany and Camilla at the World Distance Spitting Competition 04/05/21 7:06:28	3

	Everyone admires his swing 29/04/21 7:57:52	3

	If she expects a reaction, she'll be waiting a pharaoh while. 20/04/21 7:37:44	3

	"Does your book tell you what I'm having for dinner?" 18/04/21 19:26:26	3

	"We're done up like right tits - so, why is this such a Good Friday?" 02/04/21 11:16:05	3

	"Don't you DARE tell me it's rude to point." 30/03/21 19:26:39	3

	"Wow! She looks good enough to eat." 29/03/21 7:08:02	3

	To have and to scold 25/03/21 12:14:56	3

	"Ah, that was me in my prime, now I'm old and grey." 17/03/21 12:00:58	3

	"So what gave you the idea for your company, Mr Brillo?" 24/02/21 20:21:40	3

	"I'd like a full pedicure, please. And what can you tell me about Botox injections?" 12/02/21 9:05:50	1 3
"Once you get injected your face stays the same." Dog: "Why did you inject me right after you farted?" --Willie Johnson
	'Bad situation here. Gonna have to find myself a cowpat soon as...' 09/02/21 12:25:05	3

	This place is going downhill 24/01/21 12:07:33	3

	"Cheer up, it'SWALK time" 20/01/21 12:05:49	3

	"While we're playing the Waiting Game, mousey, let me tell you a story called the Maiming of the Shrew." 18/01/21 21:29:02	3

	It's best not to attend school reunions 15/01/21 20:21:37	3

	"Right, lads, we need to get to the bottom of this." 31/12/20 12:19:42	3

	It was unpleasant but they had to squeeze the blackheads 19/12/20 8:29:19	3

	A couple of hours later it dawned on him that he can't tell the time 18/12/20 8:36:27	3

	NO NO NO! Do not pull out a plum. 13/12/20 9:22:04	3

	Dirty bitch 05/12/20 20:51:09	3

	Birthing Barbie was taken off the market after nine months 26/11/20 20:35:52	3

	"Who's done that to my bosom spuddy?" 13/10/20 19:09:32	3

	"I don't wanna do colouring any more - I'm bordeaux this" 11/10/20 12:25:30	3

	Soon after, Butch was arrested for driving without due care and attention 07/10/20 11:28:14	3

	"Quite frankly, Lemuel, I find them rather bland." 03/10/20 20:50:41	3

	Hound and the Basking Jill 03/09/20 12:01:22	3

	"Wow! Just got to put a photo of this on Facebook... Though I don't think we can eat a whole one, Mum." 01/09/20 11:48:39	3

	"I'm sorry but Joey's camera shy" 24/08/20 11:04:23	3

	Don't Wanda with a fish 23/08/20 14:16:18	3

	"Your toilet roll tubes are such fun. Thanks, Mr Gulliver." 13/08/20 8:15:53	3

	Looks like the Iron Man is a chick magnet 10/08/20 11:34:47	3

	Velodome 03/08/20 8:02:37	3

	"I'm self-made, you know... Built this all myself." 23/07/20 8:35:01	3

	"Barbie, I think your bush needs trimming" (Nod to other 'bushes') 21/07/20 21:06:25	3

	"Dave, why can't you just be like other people and use a toast rack?" 21/07/20 12:15:27	3

	Okay, then we could just have sex 20/07/20 19:44:20	3

	Well, it's not Duvet Day because there's an empty bed 13/07/20 11:36:15	3

	Young Dave makes a groundbreaking discovery... 11/07/20 11:10:13	3

	"Well I'm not sad - I found him an annoying little squirt" 09/07/20 11:18:19	3

	"When nature calls, it's any pate in a storm." 07/07/20 7:30:55	3

	"I'm all dressed up because we're having someone for dinner" 29/06/20 19:25:07	3

	"Son, you wanted a unicycle...now you've got one" 12/06/20 7:06:31	1 3
No I wanted to join a Union & Cycle Dad. --Morgan .
	"Nasty, it might be broken. I'm gonna ask that Attenborough chap for a bandage." 11/06/20 11:41:26	3

	"My fecking name's Bruce! Anyone else wanna call me Skippy?" 06/06/20 11:11:04	3

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last comments (total: 323)

You're welcome, and sorry caption author... I seem to have a 'first-vote' restriction on me, (from over-zealous voting last round.) As soon as it is "lifted" or, someone else gives your caption a first vote, I will then happily give you my vote. Hopefully, it will end in a day or two.