best earliest latest latest and best captions

"Yum! My favourite. Fresh captioneer."

24/10/21 7:01:51

"Can I place a bet, please? A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."

17/10/21 7:45:35

"Well, he did say to 'keep it flowing'."

14/09/21 11:00:55

"That's it, just move your foot to the right a bit and you've got it."

11/09/21 7:19:53

"So that's 8 antelope steaks, 6 wildebeest steaks and 2 zebra legs...and we expect a quick delivery."

07/09/21 19:45:21

"Sixty in a 30mph zone - so what have you got to say? Eh? Cat got your tongue?"

07/09/21 19:00:53

"Dave, tell them behind they'll find out who's a martial arts expert if they don't stop kicking my fooking chair."

03/09/21 19:37:28

"Hey, camera boy! Fetch me some tomato relish and I'll smile for ya."

17/08/21 7:18:31

Heir-raising

09/08/21 7:15:46

'To resist junk food one needs Will's power'

28/07/21 11:18:33

The plane was later mysteriously found broken up. Investigators are currently checking the box.

12/07/21 11:40:36

Dead on arrival

08/07/21 17:31:36

"Come on, mate. The ball's in your court."

08/07/21 7:08:42

It doesn't mince its words. That's one tough cookie.

03/07/21 7:59:34

🎵 Bye-byes, baby. Baby, bye-byes 🎵

26/06/21 7:17:41

I love Magic Eyes. Stare hard enough and you'll see Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen riding a unicorn.

24/06/21 11:43:59

Dave WLTM lovely lady for fun times. Has own pad with indoor pool.

16/06/21 11:01:14

Something old (the bike)
Something new (the flowers)
Something borrowed (the dress)
Something blue (a sore bum)

15/06/21 19:36:35

"So Bill, what do you think of Apple's latest product?"

05/06/21 7:41:37

Definitely do NOT invite her to see some puppies OR ask her to show you her puppies.

28/05/21 12:15:20

"Dave, I think you upset him in the shopping centre when you called him 'clumsy'."

13/05/21 20:43:39

"They were watching telly so I sat in front doing my intimate hygiene. Sandra says 'Do you have to do that there, Tabitha?' Well, what did she expect me to say? So with leg in the air I gave her THE cat stare. They started arguing and the next thing I knew they'd gone to Majorca and I'm here in this luxury cat hotel."

13/05/21 12:14:38

It was a tie between Bethany and Camilla at the World Distance Spitting Competition

04/05/21 7:06:28

Everyone admires his swing

29/04/21 7:57:52

If she expects a reaction, she'll be waiting a pharaoh while.

20/04/21 7:37:44

"Does your book tell you what I'm having for dinner?"

18/04/21 19:26:26

"We're done up like right tits - so, why is this such a Good Friday?"

02/04/21 11:16:05

"Don't you DARE tell me it's rude to point."

30/03/21 19:26:39

"Wow! She looks good enough to eat."

29/03/21 7:08:02

To have and to scold

25/03/21 12:14:56

"Ah, that was me in my prime, now I'm old and grey."

17/03/21 12:00:58

"So what gave you the idea for your company, Mr Brillo?"

24/02/21 20:21:40

"I'd like a full pedicure, please. And what can you tell me about Botox injections?"

12/02/21 9:05:50

'Bad situation here. Gonna have to find myself a cowpat soon as...'

09/02/21 12:25:05

This place is going downhill

24/01/21 12:07:33

"Cheer up, it'SWALK time"

20/01/21 12:05:49

"While we're playing the Waiting Game, mousey, let me tell you a story called the Maiming of the Shrew."

18/01/21 21:29:02

It's best not to attend school reunions

15/01/21 20:21:37

"Right, lads, we need to get to the bottom of this."

31/12/20 12:19:42

It was unpleasant but they had to squeeze the blackheads

19/12/20 8:29:19

A couple of hours later it dawned on him that he can't tell the time

18/12/20 8:36:27

NO NO NO! Do not pull out a plum.

13/12/20 9:22:04

Dirty bitch

05/12/20 20:51:09

Birthing Barbie was taken off the market after nine months

26/11/20 20:35:52

"Who's done that to my bosom spuddy?"

13/10/20 19:09:32

"I don't wanna do colouring any more - I'm bordeaux this"

11/10/20 12:25:30

Soon after, Butch was arrested for driving without due care and attention

07/10/20 11:28:14

"Quite frankly, Lemuel, I find them rather bland."

03/10/20 20:50:41

Hound and the Basking Jill

03/09/20 12:01:22

"Wow! Just got to put a photo of this on Facebook... Though I don't think we can eat a whole one, Mum."

01/09/20 11:48:39

"I'm sorry but Joey's camera shy"

24/08/20 11:04:23

Don't Wanda with a fish

23/08/20 14:16:18

"Your toilet roll tubes are such fun. Thanks, Mr Gulliver."

13/08/20 8:15:53

Looks like the Iron Man is a chick magnet

10/08/20 11:34:47

Velodome

03/08/20 8:02:37

"I'm self-made, you know... Built this all myself."

23/07/20 8:35:01

"Barbie, I think your bush needs trimming"

(Nod to other 'bushes')

21/07/20 21:06:25

"Dave, why can't you just be like other people and use a toast rack?"

21/07/20 12:15:27

Okay, then we could just have sex

20/07/20 19:44:20

Well, it's not Duvet Day because there's an empty bed

13/07/20 11:36:15

Young Dave makes a groundbreaking discovery...

11/07/20 11:10:13

"Well I'm not sad - I found him an annoying little squirt"

09/07/20 11:18:19

"When nature calls, it's any pate in a storm."

07/07/20 7:30:55

"I'm all dressed up because we're having someone for dinner"

29/06/20 19:25:07

"Son, you wanted a unicycle...now you've got one"

12/06/20 7:06:31

"Nasty, it might be broken. I'm gonna ask that Attenborough chap for a bandage."

11/06/20 11:41:26

"My fecking name's Bruce! Anyone else wanna call me Skippy?"

06/06/20 11:11:04

'The missus wants pizza, she can have pizza. Now where can I get her a Diet Coke?'

31/05/20 12:18:03

"Hey lady, I just wanted to say 'Heifer nice day'."

12/05/20 20:12:26

They've definitely got something, they just need harnessing

28/04/20 7:39:31

Awash with instructions

27/04/20 7:45:31

"So why did you decide to join the Queen's Guard?"

25/04/20 11:22:56

She was being hunted down for shouting "BOGOF" at the police

23/04/20 7:20:13

"I'll cool her down for you, David"
"RELEASE THE PIGEONS"

21/04/20 7:29:13

This bench is hard. Cadaver cushion?

14/04/20 20:03:18

"🎵...AND I HEE I HEE I WILL HAW-LWAYS LOVE YOU...🎵" Jenny loved her karaoke nights with Dave.

09/04/20 19:24:03

Dave is absolutely tickled pink with his

09/04/20 18:09:10

I wouldn't poo-poo it

09/04/20 12:54:32

"Dave, your dinner's ready. Dave? ... DAVE?! Where're you going?"

01/04/20 19:11:19

Me-owl

31/03/20 7:30:05

"He looks very lifelike, Sharon...just needs a bit more pumping up"

28/03/20 14:39:49

"This gift didn't make a good impression, it's horrid to tell you the tooth."

24/03/20 20:27:37

Scientists reckon online dating profile photos with pets are more successful. Not that pet, Dave.

20/03/20 12:18:00

...unless we come to an arrangement - say, an extra half hour a day in the park?

14/03/20 21:06:36

I think it's a Dober man

12/03/20 15:18:38

"Right, let's get him to the station now we have him cuffed."

20/02/20 20:30:13

Robert Burns

14/02/20 20:21:41

The Lone Bikepiper

13/02/20 15:09:16

"I was walking the dog and there she was, just stood there. 'Great' I thought, 'somewhere to hang the poo bag.'"

09/02/20 20:35:49

See a penny, pick it up, unless of course, it's stuck in muck

22/01/20 20:01:25

Bloody Norahs!

10/01/20 20:30:45

"I don't fancy any of these dishes. I'd rather just pad across to McDoggalds for a Yappy Meal."

08/01/20 20:48:40

🎵 Weed wish you a Merry Christmas 🎵

26/12/19 22:56:30

Shady characters

24/12/19 20:30:29

Santa Pause

24/12/19 8:28:55

How many meals per hour can it do?

16/11/19 8:13:29

...and in the Ray household Christmas went with a bang

14/11/19 20:15:31

-"Are you okay, little fella?"
-"Yep, I'm a calmer chameleon."

09/11/19 8:13:57

'No wonder there's no sparrows around here' thought Hawky. 'There's nowt for 'em to do.'

07/11/19 18:33:09

Together for richer for pourer

30/10/19 8:48:34