best earliest latest latest and best captions

In American zoos, pussy-licking is considered obscene.

01/11/17 20:06:11

Who's up foursome dogging?

20/09/17 19:01:03

The Great Irish Bake Off

15/08/17 7:18:41

Beauty and the Beached

30/07/17 7:01:33

So, Bassholes?

27/07/17 19:05:37

"It would appear, Captain, that our five year mission has been downgraded to a three hour tour."

21/11/24 20:23:01

I can see your problem right there, mate. You've got an entire man wedged up in there.

21/10/24 19:04:38

"He looks nothing like me, he can't be mine, Mary."

18/10/24 19:03:41

Christus Rex

18/10/24 19:01:24

Must be a Mitsubishi Eclipse.

06/09/24 19:07:46

"I'm really enjoying 'Old Yeller'.... I hope it has a great ending!"

22/08/24 19:04:49

Things were not going well for Tina's latest venture, Cirque du Subway.

08/08/24 19:21:24

creative

Summer is almost here, Gents, so bring out your open-toed shoes...
They're not just for ladies, anymore.

28/05/24 19:06:22, edited: 29/05/24 16:27:11, suggested edits

"'Sine, tangent, secat'.... Some of these captions are just so derivative."

07/05/24 19:18:03

It's best to pedal as fast as you can past the hell-baby forest.

09/04/24 19:02:06

"Hurry up, rabbit. While I'm waiting, I'll give you a riddle. What do you call a rabbit without his ears?"
"What?"
"A rat."
"What do you call a tortoise without his shell?"
"What?"
"A dead tortoise."

27/03/24 20:48:30

Science friction

25/03/24 20:05:13

"Are these enough nuts, Dick?"
"More, Mary Tyler, More!"

12/03/24 20:12:29

By its final series, The Dick Van Dyke Show had become pretty nutty.

12/03/24 20:05:59, edited: 12/03/24 20:06:35

A moment of eggsistential crisis

23/02/24 20:04:38

The captioneer thought and thought until his brain hurt. "There must be a yolk in here."

23/02/24 20:02:31

“It's a light!”

21/02/24 20:00:13

I prefer Green and Blocks

09/02/24 20:11:49

Nice.

04/02/24 20:43:17

"If one of you lot make another fart joke, I swear..."

31/01/24 20:01:28

"Well, scratch that off your bucket list."

19/12/23 20:04:50, edited: 19/12/23 20:08:42

🎵 Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream, by the fire,
To face unafraid,
The fact that we've destroyed our home and no amount of logs will protect us from the frozen onslaught of a winter wonderland. 🎵

07/12/23 20:02:50

"Audi do that?"

04/12/23 20:16:03

Mooove-in ready

30/11/23 20:00:24

"No, what I said was, 'On the way home stop and get us a shawarma.'"

29/11/23 20:10:44, edited: 29/11/23 20:11:15

In the 60s we called it Black and White Peter

22/11/23 20:01:53, edited: 22/11/23 20:47:19

There are still a few bugs to work out on TatGPT.

16/11/23 20:49:13, edited: 16/11/23 20:49:44

That's a sight for sour eyes.

13/11/23 20:43:25

🎵 "My heart will go on and on" 🎵
"That's fine, luv, just please don't ever poo in my bed, savvy?"

08/11/23 20:01:02

The Fox and the Round

31/10/23 20:01:26

"Hi-YAH!"

27/10/23 19:01:16

"You'd wear them too if you had to walk round the Tube on your hands."

18/10/23 19:01:48

Deja spew: that strange feeling that you've had this explosive diarrhoea before.

12/10/23 19:04:56

Manhole covered

01/10/23 19:03:39

So the answer is yes, they do come in husky sizes.

28/09/23 19:05:28, edited: 28/09/23 19:05:45

Council express concerns about escalations in kerb crawling.

20/09/23 19:02:06

Dave was just grateful to have a council job as a bollard.

20/09/23 19:00:41

He'll be alright, he's wearing his helmet.

19/09/23 19:02:28

"It's very comfortable, except during Passover."

14/09/23 19:03:10

"So much fibre, your arse will feel like a logg flume!"

11/09/23 19:06:28

"Whoever catches them is next!"

At the reception after the funeral, we did The Throwing of the Dentures.

05/09/23 19:04:40

"Would you like a man with feelings? I have sensors all over my body."

30/08/23 19:12:17

"If I can figure this out I'll have my own never-ending supply of biscuits."

02/08/23 19:09:18

Atheists suspect it's a fakie.

01/08/23 19:03:21

"There seems to be a leak in mycelium."

20/07/23 19:12:06

Edward soon learned that the fastest way to have scissors removed from one's body is to give a wookie a bad haircut.

19/07/23 19:09:18

He's on his way to Speakers Corner.

11/07/23 19:00:24

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Robo."

02/07/23 19:04:33

"I keep telling him he looks ridiculous, but he's..."
"Don't say it, Dad."
"In de Nile."

27/06/23 19:01:38

Dave and his brothers shared everything.

21/06/23 19:00:24

I worry about the mental health of Kevin Bacon.

16/06/23 18:16:13

"And this year's Bubble Gum World Champion is..."

08/06/23 19:00:09

"Do you wear a parachute just in case? Can you pilot a jumbo jet? Maybe a 'Boing 747!' Haha! See what I did there? What does this button do?"
The ladies waited patiently whilst their husband harassed the terrified pilot with his litany of Dad Questions.

07/06/23 19:23:30

"What bell-end thought up this dress?"

02/06/23 19:02:08

It was a dream come true for Dave's hair fetish, until the long-haired gentleman turned round and winked.

08/05/23 19:01:03

"Our plan is to slowly ramp up the testing of HS2."

04/05/23 19:00:49

Superman takes on his greatness nemesis, David Brent.

21/04/23 19:04:32

"That's the spider and the dog sorted, and I can just skip the bird and cat altogether," said the old lady.

20/04/23 19:00:48

🎵 Baby... Shark Doot Doo, Doo-doot Doo-doot 🎵
(Not especially relevant, just wanted to get that song in everyone's head for the rest of the evening. You're welcome.)

19/04/23 19:01:15

"MARCO!"

17/04/23 19:01:49

Dave resolved to not do anything that might land him in hospital next week.

08/04/23 20:41:14

Advertised in The Daily Eggs-Press

04/04/23 19:00:10

What's black and white and red-flag all over?

29/03/23 19:05:08

Ride-on mower

25/03/23 15:42:56

"Daddy, some day I want to travel around in that. I'm going to write about it in my diary."
"We're just goats, son. The only way we'll be in that thing is if it's a goat burger. But go ahead and write in your Diary of a Wimpy kid."

23/03/23 20:09:13

Whilst all the kids were adding little electric motors to their skateboards, Dave insisted on "keepin' it old school".

15/03/23 20:00:25

🎵 I'll stop the world and melt with you 🎵

14/03/23 20:00:12

Snow wonder she's legless.

03/03/23 20:00:44

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've brought you here for this focus group to determine why this viral marketing campaign failed to generate more turnover for our new line of floor tiles."
"... What tiles?"

17/02/23 20:05:52

"YES! I FEEL SO ALIVE!... oh, no, I am so dead," said Erwin's cat.

30/01/23 20:00:54

Ghosts take to the courts for the Bottomless Basketball Tournament.

13/01/23 20:00:21

Arse-tin A35

08/01/23 20:00:38

I've always suspected Oundle was a bit weird.

03/01/23 20:00:27