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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	47	10	9	#19	25	22	#19	6235	16881	#16
Photos			5	#6		11	#5	416	1055	#6
Comments	17	1	1	#4	5	8	#2	1204	1824	#3
Suggested Edits	6					1	#2	37	42	#3
Forum Posts								53
Tips								1	2	#9

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	21	#10	39	#10	10034	#24
Photos					934	#21
Comments			7	#2	1985	#5
Suggested Edits					29	#2
Forum Posts
Tips					1	#4

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	lol creative "Yeah, sex with him is dry, boring, and one sided, but for some reason it does keep my thrush away." 12/12/23 8:24:39	16

	lol "Jeez, I could murder a grandma ... I mean, a kebab." 07/12/23 8:13:13, edited: 07/12/23 8:28:15	3 16
Ha, you've got me wondering now whether murder a grandma is funnier. It's nice having the double 'gr' sound though. --Stephen Bean
	"Oh dear, I've just thrown up that meal I had a week ago." "Don't worry, Dave, the captions are all being regurgitated too." 12/10/23 19:17:35	16

	"Ok, so I'll organise the church, the guest list, the reception venue, the menu, the flowers, and the photos. Dave, you can sort the transport." 13/08/23 19:31:47	16

	lol "Any last words, sir?" "Yes. I'd like to thank whomever forgot the rope." 04/06/23 19:52:29, edited: 04/06/23 19:55:29	2 16
The did say his sentence would be suspended. --Tony S
	And in Dublin, the annual 'Swap you Wife for a Keg of Guinness' promotion kicks off. 04/05/23 7:01:19	16

	A minor 22/03/23 12:11:18	16

	"Hmmn, do you reckon we should put the 'Out of Order' sign at the bottom or the top?" 06/03/23 12:29:17	16

	"I think I'm gonna find a new Best Man, Dave. This Stag Do sucks." 09/02/23 12:17:23	16

	lol Despairing the inevitable onslaught of excruciating puns, the bananas chose suicide. 15/01/23 20:18:34	4 16
Careful about giving in to the urge to make a banana pun. It's a slippery slope. --Willie Johnson
	"The pearly gates are open, Your Majesty," said St. Peter. "But you may wish to let go of that leash first." [Happy to delete if anyone thinks this is 'too soon'] 03/12/22 8:21:53, edited: 03/12/22 8:39:07	1 16
That poor dog :-D --Glyn Evans
	This was the problem with the Mahunti-gathi tribe of deepest Peru. Half of them were hunters. Half of them were gatherers. None of them were mechanics. 08/11/22 12:50:33, edited: 08/11/22 12:56:06	2 16

	"Honey, there's a problem with Rex's new glass eye." "Really? Don't tell me they got the colour wrong..." 08/05/22 12:53:13	16

	lol "On the plus side, my hemorrhoids are gone." 12/03/22 12:00:56	16

	Titanic 2: The Reunion 01/02/22 8:02:45	16

	lol x2 "Ma'am, I'd like to help fix your flat tyre, but I believe travelling alone in a high octane 6.2 litre V8 truck, when you could be driving a small electric vehicle, carpooling, or using public transport, is totally irresponsible and endangers the very planet we live on." "I'll show you my boobs." "Where's your jack?" 18/11/21 13:17:02	2 16
I'll show you mine if you show me yours. --Willie Johnson
	"Oh hell, not again. I wish your mother would tell me when she's pregnant." 19/10/21 7:20:26	16

	"Cut! This isn't working. Maybe we should try that laser sword idea after all?" 12/09/21 19:56:53	16

	lol creative Users have been experiencing weird error messages when trying to vote for certain captions. To help identify the problem, please try voting for this test caption. [admin@caption.me.nigeria] 26/08/21 20:20:59	2 16
You won't fool me, I'm posting anonymously. The only thing I trust people from Nigeria with is my bank account number. [anon] --Willie Johnson
	"What are you celebrating?" "Breathing!" 12/08/21 7:05:59	1 16
Having got through Covid, I can identify with that. --Molly R
	"Here's five bucks kid," said Tina from Doncaster. "It's been a while." 17/04/21 19:58:08	16

	"🎵 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chamele..." "Stop it." 06/03/21 20:00:44	1 16
Stop it, it's bad karma. --Willie Johnson
	It was Alvin's coke habit that caused the band to break up. 04/03/21 20:13:45	16

	lol Bloody Royal Mail. You post something 65 million years in advance and it still arrives a month late. 25/01/21 12:59:28	1 16

	lol x2 This takes me back to the old days before internet porn, when the centrespread in National Geographic would have to suffice. 17/12/20 20:34:15	16

	lol We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level. 29/03/20 8:17:00	16

	Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies. 01/03/20 8:37:20	16

	"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning." 16/02/20 20:03:32	16

	And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss. 07/02/20 13:01:19	16

	"Vanilla. Yours?" "WD-40." 12/09/24 19:35:23	15

	clever "Hmmn, sounds like it needs a tune up." 31/05/24 7:01:02, edited: 31/05/24 7:02:00	15

	clever Jim Henson's kids didn't even know he existed till they turned 5. 03/03/24 20:13:46, edited: 03/03/24 20:20:37	2 15
I liked the original caption more! 🙂 --KT A
	lol "Thanks, Dave, I needed that. Now if you could just pass me my robes and scythe we'll get on with things." 26/02/24 12:12:16	15

	🎵 The Leader of the Alpaca 🎵 14/01/24 8:02:13, edited: 14/01/24 8:08:06	15

	"Listen, Harold. I was cleaning the bathroom and I found your nose in the sink again. We've discussed this." 08/01/24 20:31:20	15

	Unfortunately there was an Afro in front of her. 17/12/23 8:09:40, edited: 17/12/23 8:40:32	15

	I don't think it's a real car. It looks phoney. 02/11/23 12:04:02, edited: 02/11/23 12:21:47	15

	"Ah, here's your problem. You have a big red arrow stuck in your knee." 18/09/23 19:14:22	1 15

	That bloody Al Overy and his caption.me prizes. 10/09/23 7:04:13	15

	"SHOAL!!!" 29/08/23 11:11:08	15

	-"Could I please have a large cone with sprinkles?" -"Ah, no, sorry, we're an ambulance, not an ice-cream van." -"Oh, my apologies, I'm a cow, I can't read." 20/08/23 7:32:52	2 15
After that remark, your captioneer friends are going to buy you an ice cream. Erm. --Al Overy
	"And that was Li Hong Ko performing a triple twist double somersault inverted tuck. Next up, we have Tina from Doncaster." 06/03/23 8:13:43	15

	lol "For Crissake, there's no need to call Social Services, the damn baby isn't even mine." 31/01/23 20:08:36	15

	"Nah, that's rubbish," said Walt Disney. "Let's try dogs and spaghetti." 01/11/22 8:00:55, edited: 01/11/22 8:04:08	1 15
Disney are really cutting corners with their live action remakes. --Mark Cowling
	"Sure, it stings now, but you'll thank me when you're grown up and immune to jellyfish." 06/10/22 11:04:54, edited: 06/10/22 11:13:33	15

	When she sobered up, Rose suddenly wished for an iceberg. 10/08/22 13:16:38	15

	Later that evening... 🙁🥴😠🤮 18/05/22 7:27:06	15

	lol clever "Chris Beach certainly has an eclectic record collection." "Yes, but my gut says there's some subtle common theme..." 13/05/22 13:37:30	1 15

	Despite her abnormal childhood, Susan grew up to be a perfectly normal serial killer. 04/11/21 12:07:00	1 15
There's a few serial killers you have to watch, they're a bit strange. Not from around these parts. --Glyn Evans
	lol "Put down the knife, Davy, and let's discuss this silly hat idea." 18/10/21 11:20:10	15

	Mittens was later convicted by concrete evidence. 07/10/21 19:08:30	15

	creative The downside of early photography was the long exposure time. 24/02/21 20:13:42	1 15
Those baby photographers take forever. --Willie Johnson
	Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door. 21/12/20 8:40:26	15

	Deer Lord... 06/12/20 20:00:51	15

	I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously. 10/09/20 7:21:35	15

	lol It's obviously a Salvador BaalÃ. 07/09/20 7:00:36	15

	lol That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should. 19/07/20 7:14:06	3 15
You'd think that no matter how inebriated someone got, that they wouldn't eat someone else's vomit - however it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere had a story like that to tell. --Glyn Evans
	The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs. 29/05/20 19:14:51	15

	Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves. 24/03/20 20:24:26	1 15
OrthoDON'Tics --Scrijjy Doo
	My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised. 26/06/19 7:00:40	15

	lol Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about. 23/03/19 13:42:05	15

	clever He's been driving around in circles for ages. 20/02/19 12:00:19	15

	"Congratulations, give her a hand!" 26/09/24 19:01:18	14

	lol "Sorry, Tutankhamun, your mum says we're to move all this lot out and replace it with gold and statues and crap." 14/05/24 19:12:58, edited: 14/05/24 19:16:18	14

	lol It was a hell of a laugh until Boris the bull turned up. 28/03/24 8:02:57	14

	"Any requests? I'm very familiar with Queen." 04/01/24 8:04:51	14

	lol Oh for God's sake, not another photo of an old lady carrying an umbrella while riding a skateboard! 13/10/23 7:01:09	2 14
Yes, make it the norm. It could be the norm. Please...I could advertise for more photos of old ladies carrying umbrellas riding skateboards.However I could be mistaken for a pervert so I'd better put a NOT A PERVERT disclaimer --Glyn Evans
	"Excellent, Mr. Smith, your elbow is healing well. You can pass me my clothes back now." 18/09/23 19:33:44, edited: 18/09/23 19:35:26	14

	"Excuse me, miss, I'm the caption.me photographer. Could you move aside so I can take a picture of that cat?" 02/09/23 7:11:13	14

	lol Not another cat picture. 09/08/23 19:19:52	14

	"Ok, Dave, I'll move them. Just stop peeing on my arm." 04/07/23 19:01:46	2 14

	"Take that off, Dave, you look like a foal." 11/06/23 19:34:40	14

	- 21 - Hung like a horse - Sexual deviant - Behind you 25/02/23 8:00:16	1 14
Nod to my dating profile. --Tony S
	What happens in the barn, stays in the barn. 12/11/22 20:06:08	14

	"Give me your basket, bitch!" demanded Little Red Riding Hoodlum. 26/08/22 7:11:50	14

	"Well, those seats are novel." 16/08/22 7:04:17, edited: 16/08/22 7:08:51	1 14

	lol creative "...and this is a 5 month pregnant woman balancing a Jacobean nursing chair on her chin." Some people take shadow puppetry too seriously. 23/06/22 19:30:52	4 14
Cheers, Al. I reckon this would be a great month for Chris to do something totally spontaneous and pick a winner from the middle of the pack ;) --James Lennox
	"At the time of the explosion the seat was up, so we know the perpetrator was a male. Sticky finger marks suggest he was right handed. And judging by the shoeprints we can tell he wears a size 9 1/2." "Very good, Watson, but you're missing one important fact." "What's that, Holmes?" "This is Caption.me. The perpetrator was obviously Dave." 20/06/22 20:53:21	14

	clever "Dad, I can't breathe!" "Son, shuffle back and give your sister some room." 18/02/22 8:50:49	14

	"Mittens, honey, I've got good news and bad. The good news is I have that pesky mouse cornered..." 01/02/22 20:10:14	14

	"Where on earth is the bow?" "At the front." 17/11/21 9:04:49	14

	The Invisible Man still has nightmares about the time he caught Spiderman masturbating. 30/10/21 9:04:25	2 14
He's no longer the Invisible Man, now he's more like See-man --Glyn Evans
	Good news! The members of caption.me have all chipped in to help solve your problem! Here's 942 cats. 11/10/21 19:06:35	1 14
That's one cat at £1000 each... --Glyn Evans
	"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in." 06/08/21 19:00:26	14

	"Those bugs have eluded me so far, but something tells me they're f#cking close." 25/05/21 19:47:45	14

	"We're not wearing anything Dave, but if you're shy come in your shorts." "I have." 09/03/21 12:00:39	14

	Fortunately the North Korean nuclear threat wasn't all it had been cracked up to be. 22/02/21 8:22:01	14

	lol Dave loved riding lightning rods during hurricanes. He did it well. We'll miss you Dave. 14/01/21 8:07:10	2 14
Please change it back. I thought "We'll miss you Dave" was punchier, but you decide. --Glyn Evans
	It's a wonder of nature how sunflowers always turn to face the camera. 08/11/20 20:09:23	14

	"Honey, remember how 9 months ago I told you I was abducted by aliens..." 29/09/20 7:03:18	14

	When your remote falls down the back of the pouch. 24/08/20 11:05:55	1 14

	Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional. 30/04/20 7:03:23	14

	I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking. 16/04/20 19:19:03	14

	To: parents@gmail.com "I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?" To: kidnapper@gmail.com "Nah, keep them." 31/03/20 12:07:22	14

	clever Hot Tin Roof on a Cat 20/03/20 12:38:53	2 14
(I like it the way it is.) --Crunchy Chords
	Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises. 27/02/20 20:12:02	1 14
If you're a captioneer, there actually ARE faces in everyday things. --Willie Johnson
	lol Never give bubblegum to your dog. 16/01/20 23:35:44	3 14
Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison
	Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy? 04/09/19 7:02:16	14

	"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first." 20/08/19 19:00:13	3 14
Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf
	I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen. 24/04/19 19:09:10	14

more captions

last comments (total: 1000)

Oh dear, would you believe I did 3 years of film study at Uni, Molly? How embarrassing. Thank-you very much for the correction.

PS: Kudos to yourself and Karyn for even working out what I was talking about given so few clues (and one of them being completely inaccurate). Perhaps I should have mentioned an umbrella?

(caption author)

22/09/24
5:53am

comment on caption:
"Hmmn, no, I'm not feeling it. Let's go with Gene Kelly instead, move the setting to Hollywood, and for God's sake, fire that props guy." [James Lennox]

Took me a moment, Steve, but yes, an improvement. Cheers.

(caption author)

24/09/24
7:32am

comment on caption:
♫ Just another brick in the wallbanger ♫ [James Lennox]

Thanks for the suggestion Kathleen, but was aiming this at the Led Zep fans.

(caption author)

12/10/24
7:38pm

comment on caption:
Houses of the Hilly [James Lennox]

Note to 8.04.18 use my arse when referring to not being able to fly.

[anon]

14/10/24
7:13am

comment on caption:
"Flightless my arse." [James Lennox]

Apologies to 8:04:18, it wasn't there when I started. Writing "my arse" takes a very long time on my tiny phone.

(caption author)

14/10/24
7:21am

comment on caption:
"Flightless my arse." [James Lennox]

Mine is the earlier one and nothing in it time wise... but taking so long to type yeah yeah my arse.

[anon]

14/10/24
7:24am

comment on caption:
"Flightless my arse." [James Lennox]

Apologies again. I'm a slow writer at the best of times because I write and rewrite. When I'm on my phone holding it at arm's length I'm particularly slow. Those 3 words genuinely probably took me a full minute. But if I've offended I can delete my caption.

(caption author)

14/10/24
7:34am

comment on caption:
"Flightless my arse." [James Lennox]

Other author again don't delete but thanks for the offer to.

[anon]

14/10/24
7:39am

comment on caption:
"Flightless my arse." [James Lennox]

Not very appealing.

[anon]

21/10/24
8:25am