Postman-graduates

25/11/24 20:03:55

Bitchelor's Degree

25/11/24 20:02:34, edited: 26/11/24 8:54:01, suggested edits

"Jason and those Argonauts are in for a little surprise."

19/11/24 12:10:09, edited: 19/11/24 12:19:33

"Damnit, Dave, stop Swayzing!"

14/11/24 12:27:25

Get in early for Christmas! Buy your new Dispense-a-Cat now!!

*Limits apply to Captioneers

06/11/24 12:04:46, edited: 06/11/24 19:56:56

The Highlander movies just got worse and worse.

23/10/24 19:06:36

"That's odd," said Dave, as he puffed on his smoke. "Some weirdo has left a giant Minnie Mouse head on the ground."

22/10/24 11:07:27

"I hope Twatt is nicer than the last village. That was a shit-hole."

01/10/24 7:04:16, edited: 01/10/24 7:11:08

Piggy bank

27/09/24 19:00:14

"I AM SPARTACAT!"

19/09/24 7:01:37

Neapoolitan

16/09/24 7:14:02

Hare of the dog?

11/09/24 19:00:47

A typical reaction on the Rust set whenever Alec Baldwin goes near a gun.

07/09/24 19:08:21

Moon Boot

06/09/24 19:00:34

Dave totally misinterpreted the 'Men Sticking Their Incredibly Long Penises in a Fresh Pile of Horse Manure' sign.

04/09/24 7:04:16

What's Gilbert Grape Eating?

31/08/24 19:31:28

Add 12

27/08/24 19:01:53

"Your wrist is fine, Mr. Johnson, you can put your clothes back on ... Actually, I don't recall asking you to take them off."

25/08/24 19:09:07

"Well, sir, you did ask for your surf and turf rare."

21/08/24 7:05:20

General Relievetivity

12/08/24 7:01:00

creative

"Bugger this! Activate auto-deflate device!"

10/08/24 7:03:35

"Good morning, you've reached the office of Eggscruciating Egg puns. We're oeufully busy, due to several of our staff being poached. It's no yolk, but even though our batteries are low, we're soldiering on. We'll call back when this scramble is ova. Omelette you go now, have a lovely lay."

27/07/24 19:21:00

Face-crook

25/07/24 7:06:07

"This is exactly why I'm breaking up with you, Dave. A real jacuzzi is not a bathtub with a flatulent snail."

24/07/24 11:25:06

Fe-line

24/07/24 7:01:07

It was a lovely reception.

23/07/24 11:01:15

Explains where all this sand came from. That hourglass has a crack in it.

21/07/24 7:17:00

Transylvanian preschool's are a little different.

16/07/24 7:06:19

"Yes, I'll scrub my armpits. Quit nagging."

07/07/24 19:22:51

I'm having trouble captioning this Pict.

03/07/24 7:04:05

"Farmer Dave says he taking us to the 'Chamber of Secrets' after this ... Not sure why he needs to buy rosemary on the way though."

02/07/24 7:12:50

That horrible moment when you go and holiday and suddenly remember you've left the stove on at home.

30/06/24 7:01:29

Sadly, Susan spent most of the honeymoon complaining of how she felt bloated, and letting off sneaky farts.

29/06/24 7:16:08

"We play better on Astroturf."

24/06/24 20:39:26

"Suits us," said Rudolph, as he poured himself another gin and tonic.

24/06/24 7:07:23

"OK, judging by the suits, we both want to be the man in this relationship, so I'd just like to point out that whilst your head is egg shaped, mine looks like a giant penis."

22/06/24 7:05:45

There is a special circle of hell reserved for Captioneers who reuse old puns.

20/06/24 20:22:07, edited: 21/06/24 0:40:21

Another family photo ruined by Tina pretending to give blowjobs in the background.

19/06/24 19:19:17, edited: 19/06/24 19:39:20

And that was the last time Mr. Dave was allowed to teach Sexual Education.

16/06/24 19:18:26, edited: 17/06/24 6:40:21

101 Fun Things To Do With Superglue ... #42

15/06/24 19:02:01, edited: 15/06/24 19:11:09

What is it with the BBC and minority groups?

14/06/24 19:13:37, edited: 14/06/24 19:29:39

"Oh my God, Dave! What have you done to our child?"

"Well, they should have said, LEFT leg, and RIGHT arm, shouldn't they."

11/06/24 7:02:44

You are what you eat.

08/06/24 7:00:30

"Houston, we have a problem... I'm allergic to fish."

07/06/24 7:24:35

"Tina? I know you're in here somewhere, I can hear you moaning."

05/06/24 19:25:12

Typical Tina, always shaking her ass in public.

04/06/24 11:03:52, edited: 04/06/24 11:24:25

Stephen Bean finds a use for his old caption notebooks.

26/05/24 19:27:52, edited: 26/05/24 19:32:34

Pussy Decor

20/05/24 7:05:35

"Seriously? Didn't you think teaching me the meaning of the word 'permanent' would have been a priority?"

17/05/24 7:14:57, edited: 17/05/24 7:21:19

Freefowl

08/05/24 19:20:35, edited: 08/05/24 20:02:02

"Ello, I wish to register a complaint. I specifically asked for a parrot that is pining for the Fjords."

04/05/24 19:09:03, edited: 04/05/24 19:24:31

"Bike broken? No problem, hop in."

03/05/24 19:06:30

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea,
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some chum, and plenty of guns,
To catch a fish of note.

The Owl looked up to the sky above,
And sang to a strained cello,
"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,
I'm dreading to look below..."

29/04/24 19:14:37, edited: 30/04/24 2:20:49

"Hey! Stop playing with my balls, Mr. Henson!"

25/04/24 19:04:51, edited: 25/04/24 19:07:26

Nutcracker Suit

25/04/24 7:05:41

And the Award for best fight scene goes to ... Godzilla versus Dolly Parton!

16/04/24 19:27:53, edited: 16/04/24 19:44:00

"So, OnAdventureWithDad, what was your childhood like?"

09/04/24 19:04:30, edited: 09/04/24 19:17:12

Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten.

05/04/24 11:06:32, edited: 05/04/24 11:20:25

Just so you all know. Googling "Hans Gruber Machine" was unhelpful.

25/03/24 20:05:03

"On second thoughts, I think I'll have fish and chips."

25/03/24 12:01:00, edited: 25/03/24 12:04:49

Murder on the Orient Express: Epilogue

21/03/24 20:28:41

DANGER: Beware Of Pricks Using The Toilet During Landing

19/03/24 8:01:44, edited: 19/03/24 8:27:28

That's different. Normally on caption.me we have extra cheese.

15/03/24 8:45:05, edited: 15/03/24 8:47:41

"Nut cracker, sweet?"

12/03/24 20:33:11, edited: 12/03/24 20:35:06

"Puns are irritating and often illogical human constructs, Captain, but since you asked ... Starship Enterthighs."

12/03/24 12:20:21, edited: 12/03/24 12:41:21

"Damn it, Spock! If only we'd read this article about Tribbles earlier."

12/03/24 12:10:07, edited: 12/03/24 12:49:42

Breakfasting the mould

12/03/24 8:08:36, edited: 12/03/24 8:13:15

"Honey, can you move your F-16, so Jenny can move her Mig-35, so I can get my FA-18 out?"

02/03/24 20:05:38, edited: 03/03/24 6:01:52

"01010000!!"

29/02/24 20:13:25

"Excuse me, folks. Can you point me to the nearest charging station?"

28/02/24 20:27:34

Moomoo the Elephant

19/02/24 8:13:42

Electrikitty

18/02/24 20:01:43

"Wow, Dave, that oral sex was fantastic! Where did you learn those new tricks?"

15/02/24 20:04:49, edited: 15/02/24 20:58:25

*Breaking* Heartless pricks on caption site make fun of baby in need of major eye realignment surgery.

09/02/24 12:11:03

"What's this say? 'For Steamy Action Call Candy', 'Phone Hot Babe Brenda', 'Tina Turns Up the Heat' ... Oh no, think cold thoughts, think cold thoughts."

26/01/24 8:14:29, edited: 26/01/24 8:19:30

"And this is us at the monument to our foreheads."

24/01/24 8:01:39

"Yeah, so, I'm a Predator. I trek round the galaxy hunting worthy prey and taking their skins as trophies ... I'll see myself out."

08/01/24 20:28:20

"Righto pal, let's get it on! ... But remember, no biting."

14/12/23 12:00:44

"I hope this Christmas party goes better than last year when Jason and those bloody Argonauts showed up."

11/12/23 20:04:50

Dave went to great lengths to hide public erections.

26/11/23 8:30:14, edited: 26/11/23 8:41:16

100 years ago they needed one doctor and one nurse for every patient. Nowadays, we only need one intern and one student nurse for every 100 patients. How far we've come.

25/11/23 20:13:17

"I'm you. From the future."

"Holy shit, I'm going to start eating better and exercising more."

23/11/23 8:04:57

"Ok, Billy, so next time you see a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man outside, shut the window immediately."

22/11/23 8:32:13

"And here we see the Captioneer in its native environment ... Marvelous."

20/11/23 12:01:26

For Christ's sake, Greta. What the hell do you have against Captioneers?

12/11/23 8:19:47

"And do you Dave, take Davina..."

06/11/23 12:09:17

You may sis the bride.

06/11/23 12:03:15

Melonball Run

31/10/23 12:05:19

Mike tights on

20/10/23 7:01:07

It was when Dave tried to reset the timer that things got messy.

12/10/23 11:04:56

Nip one, pearl one.

09/10/23 19:12:21

I don't know about anyone else, but if I see a guy at night carrying a Knuckle Thruster, I stay the hell away from him.

07/10/23 19:02:02, edited: 07/10/23 19:12:32

"OK! OK! Take the photo quick! ... And for God's sake, get off the unicycle, you're making me look pathetic."

04/10/23 19:11:14

"Yeah, so the steroids have shriveled my testicles to the size of peas and you couldn't squeeze a toothpick in my urethra, but for biceps like these I don't mind urinating from a rubber tube out of my armpit."

04/10/23 7:10:53, edited: 04/10/23 7:12:35

I'm oddly conflicted. Part of me wants to masturbate, but the other part knows I'd hate myself in the morning.

17/09/23 7:40:32

"Anyone order a hot dog on the grille?"

14/09/23 7:17:37

"Mum, do you mind if I climb inside you while I change into my bikini?"

11/09/23 7:04:04

"Red rum, please."

08/09/23 7:07:07

"Child abuse my arse. Google the Subway Guy."

05/09/23 7:09:56

"For Christ's sake, Dave, if you don't want sex just say so. Hiding in a pillowcase is so immature."

31/08/23 7:13:21