Caption.Me - Phil Swan

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Nod to 12:04

[anon]

21/02/23
7:42am

comment on caption:
Store Detective confronts shoplifter after body search [Phil Swan]

Had he come the wrong way?

Mr Dome

16/04/23
8:27pm

comment on caption:
Dave's premature ejaculation problem started to affect his job [Phil Swan]

Because its assembly was cocked up.

John Glover

16/05/23
8:10pm

comment on caption:
"Okay why is my gun shooting penises" [Phil Swan]

He didn't want to travel Inter Shitty.

[anon]

04/06/23
7:30am

comment on caption:
Dave regretted having the very hot curry the night before embarking on a long train journey [Phil Swan]

♫ Always look on the rainbow side of life ♫

James Lennox

06/06/23
9:19pm

comment on caption:
The woke stage version of The Life of Brian reaches its final scene [Phil Swan]

I bet that'd be a laugh

"Would you like to share with the group?"
"I'm Mary"
(Entire group) "Hi Mary"
"I'm here today because I once dated Dave"
"Good to welcome here Mary, now we're all here today because we all decided to date Dave at one point or another, and now after waiting for so long we've organised ourselves and are here together to compare and share notes because we now all hate Dave"
"I don't!"
"Except Yolanda, but ignore her she doesn't matter"
"Yeah Yolanda, why did you have to come here and ruin things? If one of us breaks, we all break, we all need to be united in our hatred of Dave" said Dave.

Glyn Evans

08/06/23
11:39am

comment on caption:
Every month Dave's exes met up for a bonding session [Phil Swan]

A punny whistle?

Al Overy

22/06/23
8:43am

comment on caption:
Larry finds another whistle blower in Downing Street [Phil Swan]


lol x3 13/07/23 7:11:00		24 35
Very well done, Phil! Yours was the crem of the crop. Congratulations on your win. --Al Overy

lol 09/11/23 12:08:28, edited: 15/03/24 18:18:14, suggested edits		24 30
Well done Phil - great caption! How was the date? --Mr Dome
	lol x3 The Post Code Lottery found a new way to tell entrants they hadn't won 26/09/23 7:10:31	27

	lol “I think my waters have broken “ said Mrs Gulliver 01/11/23 8:07:39	26

	lol Dave was determined to get his money's worth at the Build a Bear shop. 11/01/24 20:03:04, edited: 11/01/24 20:08:37, suggested edits	1 22
I've left a bit of a pedantic edit suggestion Cap Auth. Feel free to ignore. --James Lennox
	creative lol x2 Dave the giraffe was going to get his revenge on Noah for choosing the other 2 giraffes he turned up with. 24/10/24 7:01:35, suggested edits	21

	lol Unfortunately for Davina the pin the donkey game had not gone well 23/12/23 8:10:01	21

	clever x2 “They said they couldn’t do me a 99 but could do a 57” said Dave 28/10/23 19:11:26	1 21

	Going down the slide was a near death experience 01/05/23 11:06:38	20

	A pooh dunnit murder mystery 22/03/23 8:04:13	20

	Space probe sends pictures confirming there’s water on Mars 13/11/24 12:09:17, edited: 13/11/24 12:11:12	19

	lol creative "This is great I must come back and do this in the summer" said Dave 03/05/24 7:05:49, edited: 03/05/24 7:06:11	1 19

	"You do realise it's rude to point" 27/09/23 7:09:54	19

	Dave regretted calling the stripper ad in the phone box 28/08/23 7:31:03	19

	lol Chris Beach announces venue for the Dave Awards Ceremony 19/10/23 7:08:45	7 18
Apologies to Vanessa, Vivvy, KT A, Karen, Dot, Catherine, Julia, Karen, Karen, Karyn, Kathleen, Mandy, Valerie, Alexandra, and Jo in having to party in a gents' toilet --Mr Dome
	lol “You know granny wants to see you “ 24/09/23 7:05:10	18

	"Have you made any plans for Christmas yet?" 17/09/23 11:01:12	18

	clever "Quick we need to get across the border before Trump is elected" 06/03/24 8:08:06	2 17
Mexico will be a better place to live if he is. --Barrie Bullock
	creative "They had run out of Christmas trees" said Dave 11/12/23 8:28:24	17

	“Was the Police all you could think of for something blue” 15/09/23 11:08:53	1 17
She blue it. --Willie Johnson
	“Hmm she is a captioneer and my name is Dave this is not going to end well “ 09/09/23 19:06:58	1 17

	lol "Are you sure that is all you have left?" said Dave at 10 PM on his Christmas Eve present buying spree. 04/12/24 8:05:12	16

	lol “When you said it was an 18-30 holiday I thought you meant age not year “ said Dave 30/08/24 11:10:51	16

	lol “ The wedding reception starts at 5.00 this Saturday so you will just need to cover for 90 minutes unless there’s extra time “ said Dave 03/07/24 11:28:21, suggested edits	1 16

	Dave liked to start easy with his ransom demands 03/09/23 19:02:50, edited: 03/09/23 19:03:09	16

	Dave knew he would find a way to enjoy the James Blunt concert with his girlfriend 13/06/23 7:10:10	16

	clever Sir Persilval 20/11/24 20:01:32, edited: 20/11/24 20:02:24	15

	“I did say I thought those Taylor Swift tickets were fake “ said Dave 23/06/24 11:05:13	15

	"Bloody hell Dave you were supposed to remove the hanger before sending her out" 08/06/24 11:02:28	15

	"I told you we would get a carriage to ourselves" said Sally 05/03/24 8:11:41	15

	creative Edward always won 04/01/24 20:05:02	1 15

	" Okay I have removed the c,a,p,t keys just the i,o,n,.,m and e to go. Hopefully you should then get your life back " 09/11/23 8:10:17	1 15
"No! No! otherwise without it I might realise that I had no life beforehand. I couldn't survive without top.cinema" --Glyn Evans
	“Bloody hell Hadrian’s been busy “ 03/12/24 12:02:05	14

	Rishi Sunak's school dormitory. 04/07/24 11:06:42, edited: 04/07/24 12:41:16, suggested edits	14

	“Of course it’s my anus and can you stop groping it “ said Sally 16/01/24 12:02:30	14

	lol “Joseph can you please tell those 3 wise men to sod off” 25/12/23 12:10:41	14

	“Any update on when the plumber is coming to fix the toilet?” 25/07/23 11:41:53	14

	Meating place 21/07/23 7:03:54	14

	“Dave you do realise you can reset the facial recognition on your phone “ 01/10/24 11:01:24	13

	lol "Why couldn't you have robbed JD Sports in the riots like everyone else " said Sue 28/08/24 19:02:48	13

	lol "Quick before the delivery guy realises he has delivered to the wrong house" said Dave 29/06/24 7:07:36	13

	In space no one can hear you cream 19/06/24 7:03:56	1 13

	"You saw ME buying a cucumber that size" 03/03/23 8:03:06	13

	lol “Even I can see it’s a bloody tiger “ 14/09/24 19:39:33	12

	Men behaving balletly 25/04/24 7:00:58	12

	Bungle always felt a right tit being on Rainbow 28/02/24 12:15:21	3 12
That's a left tit, just sayin'. --Karen McDonald
	Bloody hell 25p for The Sun 19/02/24 20:03:43	12

	"I think I may have crabs" said Sue "it's a lot worse than that" said sally 06/02/24 8:03:15, edited: 06/02/24 8:03:33	12

	Kay FC 12/01/24 8:03:00	12

	Barnsley 2040 30/11/23 12:01:23	12

	Dave always attracted the clingy types 04/11/23 20:09:14	12

	Doctor said it’s a repetitive strain injury 13/10/23 11:00:53	12

	Even the dogs realised you only needed to dress your top half when on zoom meetings 27/05/23 7:18:55	12

	Aristocat 22/05/23 7:03:34	12

	lol Mittens was ready to deal with the Tory local election literature coming through the door 09/04/23 7:18:38	12

	It must be a female raccoon as the lid is down 12/12/24 20:09:17	11

	Tie breaker 09/12/24 12:01:17	11

	“Next stop Trafalgar Square “ 31/10/24 12:01:18	11

	lol Dave was surprised by the message he found in his condom packet 04/10/24 19:02:29	11

	“Dave did you forget to leave the refuse collectors their Christmas tip again?” Said Davina 18/06/24 19:07:40	11

	Snappy dresser 14/01/24 20:07:36	11

	Full bodied red wine 21/12/23 12:02:47	11

	Dave never was any good at hide and seek 26/08/23 11:02:31	11

	Dave could not understand the big deal about money laundering 15/07/23 7:04:37	11

	The fabric shop had said the cloth was end of line but Claire didn't realise they meant Jubilee Line 13/05/23 7:05:20	11

	Turns out Jan only wanted the matching t-shirt back 11/03/23 8:05:56	11

	“Keep searching to find out why he voted for Trump “ 07/12/24 20:02:56	1 10
You're going to have to move the probe a lot lower. --Scrijjy Doo
	Dave liked to find ways to hide that he was a vampire 11/09/24 7:39:56	10

	Wet dreams 23/08/24 7:04:07	10

	“Do I still smell of garlic?” 24/07/24 11:03:28	10

	"I think the cat knows we are off to Mexico and wants to come with us " said Dave 06/03/24 8:23:40	10

	"I spent too much time scratching my head as to where to go on holiday " said Dave 24/01/24 8:11:19	10

	Cast of has beans 07/01/24 20:01:08	10

	Beesy Rider 03/12/23 12:03:54	10

	Costs an arm and a leg 04/10/23 11:03:26	10

	lol Dave couldn’t fully commit to being in a ZZ Top tribute band 09/09/23 11:49:22	10

	“Granny why are there no earlier family pictures on your sideboard?” 22/07/23 11:12:10, edited: 22/07/23 11:12:34	10

	EasyJet are now offering seats for those customers suffering from claustrophobia 14/07/23 11:08:23	10

	"The person who uses the last dish needs to do all the washing up" 30/05/23 16:00:58, edited: 30/05/23 16:04:25	10

	"What you left your phone at home some date this is going to be" 03/05/23 7:02:24	10

	Should have gone to pecsavers 23/04/23 7:21:56, edited: 23/04/23 7:22:36	10

	“You won’t believe how difficult it was finding a baby sitter on New Year’s Eve “ said Dave 06/12/24 20:06:35	1 9
Glad your mum was available then --Tony S
	Crocodile fears 30/11/24 20:01:19	9

	How all the Beatles saw Abbey Road before the picture was taken 17/10/24 7:01:57	9

	Peru Got Talent always struggled for entrants 13/07/24 12:01:52	9

	Dave was feeling a bit sluggish 02/05/24 7:04:43, edited: 02/05/24 7:04:57	9

	"Alas poor Yorick. That gives me an idea I must get back to the typewriter" 23/04/24 11:02:10, edited: 23/04/24 11:04:05	9

	"I'm flattered but you know I'm older than 16" 06/01/24 8:06:11	9

	“Sorry but the baby sitter cancelled at the last minute “ 05/01/24 20:03:17, suggested edits	9

	"Do you think I need to call the AA" "Perhaps I do need to sober up first" 10/11/23 20:04:22	9

	"What do you think?" "I think it's called an engine" 10/11/23 20:01:04	9

	"You know we don't put the heating on till 1 October" 19/08/23 7:06:35	9

	The Costa interview process was pretty intense 28/07/23 19:02:51	9

	"And don't leave the toilet seat up again next time" 16/05/23 11:39:20	9

	Petdegrees 25/11/24 20:01:11, edited: 25/11/24 20:01:37	8

	"I usually start with the breast stroke" said Dave 22/11/24 8:04:14	8

	“But you wished to be like King Charles” said the Genie 23/10/24 7:01:49	8

	Ideal with salad cream 21/10/24 7:04:11	8

	Jeanious idea 15/10/24 19:01:12	8

	Captioneer's battle to recycle the Clash of the Tartans caption 29/09/24 11:15:44	8

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