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29/07/18 11:06:04

"I think I've bitten off more than I can poo"

28/07/18 19:06:46

As Bob Geldof famously said, "Give us your f*cking Monet"

20/07/18 19:16:33

He's lost his bearings

16/07/18 19:31:59

"Just a quick scale and polish today please."

06/07/18 8:12:09

"You were meant to hit the sack"

30/06/18 12:46:11

Spanish seagulls spot another umbrella.

26/06/18 7:30:33

Tiddles enjoyed playing in defence.

23/06/18 11:41:55

Anne Boleyn had the foresight to fill a charity sack first.

19/06/18 19:10:31

Some men do have a chick on their shoulder.

15/06/18 19:06:59

Ronnie O'Sullivan's dog was snookered after a foul.

04/06/18 7:22:08

The Village People often performed in front of Hitler.

30/05/18 19:05:53

"I'd like to give a Noddy to all other captions."

20/05/18 12:00:54

Dick see land.

27/04/18 19:18:57

Clearly a lover of wine arts.

09/04/18 11:25:45

clever

Sharon from Blackpool is crowned best blancmange balancer

06/04/18 14:51:23

You Cnut be serious!

02/04/18 19:01:08

I believe their mother was a real dragon.

28/03/18 19:11:53

Brian May and few would blame him

27/03/18 11:14:53

"Amazon delivery for a Mr Gillespie"

23/03/18 8:20:58

"Where are they flogging the tickets for this?"

11/03/18 8:01:55

"Yes it's in very good condition. Nice and shriney."

21/02/18 12:03:02

"If you stay here much longer you'll get sleety-eyed" said Philip.

12/02/18 21:43:00

Trailer trashed

08/02/18 9:22:32

Hellton John

02/02/18 21:14:39

I think I've been the victim of a smear campaign.

24/01/18 21:12:45

The ultimate lazy boy

23/01/18 20:06:25

Waiting for David Attenborough, Kelly gave a drink of water to the largest beetle she had ever seen.

23/01/18 8:23:35

Roald Dahl's eagerly awaited sequel to Esio Trot, "Eltrut"

16/01/18 9:09:29

For some reason the chicks flock to Nelson's column.

13/01/18 9:56:14

Sir Chris Ahoy

06/01/18 8:36:29

Smooth Operator

04/01/18 12:01:27

His way of finding water is just divine

04/01/18 9:06:03

"You wanna pizza me?"

02/01/18 20:02:05

Grin and hear it

25/12/17 15:14:23

There's an all you can eat buffet for a few guineas.

13/12/17 20:03:02

Style Council

11/12/17 13:27:56

Santa usually has a yule log afterwards.

07/12/17 12:08:47

🎵 Everyday I'm shuffling 🎵

30/11/17 12:04:58

"How much is that doggy bowl in the window?"

29/11/17 8:13:28

Kernel Gaddafi

28/11/17 20:25:40

Take a hat - it looks like rain dear.

21/11/17 12:00:44

Parenting by Numbers

15/11/17 20:04:25

I'm looking for a long-termite relationship.

15/11/17 12:03:11

"... and the next drop off is.. "

10/11/17 8:30:33

The usherette interviewers were starting to get on her tits.

09/11/17 12:13:55

Barry was keen to show the ladies his tromboner.

04/11/17 12:00:41

Another case of grooming on the internet.

01/11/17 20:12:16

Most people would agree it's better than a candle.

29/10/17 20:32:09

Last week it was Fanny By Gaslight

29/10/17 20:00:40

"..and then after the speeches we toast the bride and groom."

22/10/17 7:32:06

They could have had dessert for a few dollars more.

20/10/17 12:12:30

Sounds heavenly, is it bring apostle?

16/10/17 19:02:40

I wonder if she'd be interested in my pop-up?

15/10/17 20:02:30

Having stolen the ham from a Lidl shop round the corner, Josh's parents were worried in case he was proscuitto-ed.

15/10/17 7:04:21

"I think I've covered up the turd".
"Next time Janice, go behind the windbreak".

14/10/17 19:02:26

The guy from Fingerbobs wanted to demonstrate his skills

12/10/17 19:04:37

Alice also worked next door at the Vasectomy Clinic.

04/10/17 19:19:48

Yum.. Afro-disiacs

21/09/17 19:03:57

The Dog Pound.

20/09/17 19:21:01

Shoplifting in Millets, Dan was accosted by two store detectives from different directions.

14/09/17 8:30:28

It was probably a good thing but due to Betty's persistent flatulence, Mr Swollocks sadly withdrew his marriage proposal.

13/09/17 13:37:05

Too much science friction.

03/09/17 21:21:23

Ooh pick me

28/08/17 19:30:35

As the Invisible Man faced charges of identity fraud, for once the court artist's likeness was uncanny.

17/08/17 7:20:23

One of the founder members of The Village People gets confused and spells a "P".

13/08/17 11:57:12

Vandals should be put behind snack bars.

04/08/17 7:02:38

Food for the sole

27/07/17 7:05:34

She's so cheap, her dad's giving her away

25/07/17 19:01:33

Can you see what it is, yeti?

25/07/17 7:00:22

Overly decorated cemeteries are a grave concern.

22/07/17 7:13:03

Defacement.

14/07/17 12:04:00

The fourth wet day on holiday and Tiddles was dreading yet another game of Scrabble.

30/06/17 7:27:49

Amazing Glace

24/06/17 8:21:09

A Stitch in Time saves Nein.

19/06/17 20:22:26

Items on The Generation Game's conveyer belt are a lot easier to remember these days.

05/06/17 19:11:39

They should clamp down on this sort of thing.

03/06/17 8:02:01

I might need some help doing a three point turd.

21/05/17 19:04:49

Wall Street Crèche

20/05/17 19:06:59

Army Family Planning Clinic.

02/05/17 11:02:44

The eating place that makes your Dong go further.

30/04/17 8:35:40

... when you've been given an unexpected fishfinger.

15/04/17 15:44:58

I drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy wasn't dry.

15/04/17 8:05:58

Dave bitterly regretted not accepting Bear Grylls' Facebook friend request.

11/04/17 19:04:31

The Man with the Golden Bum

11/04/17 7:02:14

🎵 Goldzinger 🎶

10/04/17 19:06:31

Crime and Nourishment

26/03/17 19:04:28

"I heard you've been feeling down?"
"That's a vicious rumour".

25/03/17 8:49:30

Tea Thyme

24/03/17 12:15:32

In 9 months' time she'll be having a bush baby.

21/03/17 13:57:32

More trees vicar?

21/03/17 9:18:21

Needs reporting to the DiVa LA

14/03/17 12:24:40

"No hard feelings Martha?"
"Yes, I noticed".

06/03/17 20:33:51

Letitia's nipple clamps were so tight she now had a permanent stoop.

05/03/17 20:43:52

Bunny Boiler

03/03/17 21:07:38

As soon as the goat and the llama arrived filming could begin on the new Tampax advert.

01/03/17 8:12:48

On Pancake Day there were even more tossers online than usual.

28/02/17 20:12:26

Tinder Surprise

28/02/17 20:00:15

Ex-B&M staff member is humanely released back into the community.

23/02/17 8:03:09

Here's Rubber Johnny

20/02/17 8:33:46