Sending private messages on this site is currently disabled due to abuse by spammers.

Please use the forum to send private messages instead.

	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	47	4	13	#21	8	22	#15	2846	3875	#50
Comments	25		2	#3	1	1	#6	597	805	#11
Photos								13	47	#15
Forum Posts								77
Suggested Edits	6							33	37	#4

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	10	#21	22	#20	7667	#32
Comments	1	#3			303	#27
Photos			1	#8	827	#23
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits					1	#15

captions comments received captioned photos

captions


lol creative clever x2 20/09/20 11:00:47		27 33
Thank you all so much! I had never imagined that I could ever produce a winning caption - I was always delighted with anything which crept into double figures. So there is hope for everyone, that one of their captions may just hit the spot. --Molly R
	"Maybe I shouldn't have kept the chickens in the same shed as the uranium." 16/08/23 11:07:06	20


lol 11/08/22 7:00:12		18 20
Well done, Molly! You won by a whisker. Congratulations. --Al Overy
	Whaddya mean, you fancied me more in the rubber suit? 12/12/19 12:00:08	19

	creative For Christmas, we really want somebody to fix the leak in the ceiling. 18/12/23 8:10:03	1 18

	Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the garden... 10/04/20 7:03:53	18

	"Bethlehem? It's a long way, guv - I'll need to charge you the return fare." 01/01/24 8:01:26	1 17

	Dave was forever taking his cock out in public. 16/08/23 11:05:47, edited: 16/08/23 12:05:33	17

	"They did warn me that if I kept putting my head out of the car window, my face would get stuck like this." 12/02/21 8:04:06	1 17
Especially if you don't roll it down first. --Willie Johnson
	A long time ago, in a supermarket far far away... 06/05/20 19:02:23	17

	"Look, just stop eating the baked beans." 24/08/24 11:03:54	16

	lol "Yes, he's my pet millipede, Martin. He goes everywhere with me." 04/03/21 12:00:10	16

	The cat that got the scream 08/09/20 11:00:05	16

	lol Yes, officer, the one who attacked me is number six in the lineup. 17/05/20 7:04:43	16

	clever Well, hello Dali 26/01/20 12:03:53	16

	Dave decided to dispose of his car after getting an astonishing number of parking tickets in one day. 16/04/24 7:29:38	15

	Armchair. 20/02/23 12:00:12	15

	"OK, just put it in first gear and take the handbrake off, and we'll give you a push." 25/05/21 11:00:07	2 15
* They are lion. It's second gear and press the clutch --Mr Dome
	First class male. 15/01/20 12:00:54	15

	lol creative clever As it turned out, there was some opposition to "Boris for PM". 24/05/19 20:01:08	15

	Duck-filled fatty puss. 20/02/19 8:05:12	1 15

	creative "It's roundish, about this size, probably no longer smiling..." 09/12/18 8:05:47	15

	He has always smoked like a chimney. 11/10/24 7:00:32	14

	"Maybe we shouldn't have read the will yet, but it was just too tempting." 10/08/21 11:00:10	14

	"Go on, send Boris another text - he falls for it every time!" 25/04/21 8:09:34	1 14

	Linda, when did you last clean these windows? 17/07/20 11:06:20	14

	Why is it wearing a pturban? Sat 8:30:00	3 13

	lol x2 "At last, at last! I have my very own dead alpaca!" 15/12/23 8:00:40	2 13
I know mate, I did the same. Didn't want to instant lol my own find but will do it now. --James Lennox
	"No, I don't breast-feed him, actually. Why do you ask?" 16/09/23 11:02:50	13

	"They have some really nice bathrooms here at Heathrow." 02/06/22 7:19:28	13

	"Could you close your window shutter, please, Mr Hitchcock?" 01/05/21 7:00:12	13

	"Clean your gutters, ladies?" 23/03/21 8:01:04	13

	"I just know I dropped my Fitbit somewhere around here." 03/11/20 12:00:46	1 13
Looks like the only bit that would be fit. --John Glover
	clever Here's to you, Mrs Robinson. 03/12/18 8:00:05	13

	"I'd leave it a few minutes, if I were you." 11/07/24 11:01:43	12

	"I'm glad to have my Winter Fuel Payment all these years - it really keeps me warm." 09/11/23 12:04:37	12

	"Wow! The best transport we've dredged up before now was an old bicycle." 16/12/21 8:00:32	12

	"Listen to me, Alec, just put the gun down..." 02/11/21 8:00:08	1 12
"It's all right, it's a prop. Let me show you. (bang) Hmmm, something's not right. Let me try it on someone else." --Willie Johnson
	Make love not war. 12/03/21 12:00:07	12

	"Somebody's got to keep the place tidy, and they furloughed my keeper." 08/11/20 8:04:05	12

	I really want to join the Faith Tones! 13/03/20 8:07:48	12

	"No, I can't tell you why Death has such a bright halo." 02/06/19 21:02:16	12

	creative "I know I said I wanted a sturdier pair of nutcrackers, but..." 11/12/18 8:02:29	12

	"For the last time - all three of us have got headaches." 01/12/18 8:01:46	12

	Nobody mentioned the mouse in the room. 05/06/22 7:13:57	11

	"You've been a naughty, naughty, naughty jet!" 20/04/22 11:00:15	11

	"Joan, come here - I think I've got worms!" 05/05/21 7:00:28	11

	clever "And I'll keep on hitting until you get your hand off my tit!" 06/09/20 11:04:43	11

	Ohio officials seek vandal who dumped sign in countryside. 14/06/19 11:18:12	11

	Two-timer 04/01/19 8:00:18	11

	Joe was annoyed that all the cheese and pineapple had already been eaten. 19/12/18 20:31:39	11

	clever x2 "Actually, I was looking for tractors." 19/07/24 11:04:01	4 10
Were many people at the Commons that day or were they mass debating? --Glyn Evans
	Kevin identified as a starfish. 31/12/23 8:00:43	10

	"Well, I guess that now we know the answer to the old question." 31/08/23 7:00:53	10

	The route from the pub to the car park. 21/07/22 7:10:21	10

	He was absolutely determined to go out to the pub. 09/05/22 7:02:08	10

	"He's on his high horse again." 23/03/21 8:00:07	10

	Trouble is, there aren't enough women on match.com 05/09/20 19:00:17	10

	What jackass forgot his uniform? 11/08/20 7:04:19	10

	"I wish that picture didn't keep falling off the wall." 02/07/20 7:02:09	10

	The two missing ones said "Drink" and "Sex". 20/06/20 11:01:01	1 10
It's not fir. --Dave Bryan
	Star Wars fans aren't always good at spelling. 16/05/20 11:06:52	10

	Hegghog 05/05/20 7:29:54	10

	You can stick that up your arse. 27/03/20 8:05:31	10

	After the Lion ate the Scarecrow, only the Tin Man was left to cultivate opium poppies for Dorothy. 05/08/19 11:00:08	10

	The UK economy, 1st November 2019 02/08/19 11:01:10	10

	"OK, I'll fend off the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast from Traal with your umbrella, while you Instagram it." 27/05/19 7:35:07	1 10
Love it.Belated Happy Towel Day, everyone!:^) --Crunchy Chords
	But I asked for a six-foot bed! 22/12/18 12:00:29	10

	Rotary Club, Ladies Section 18/11/18 20:00:10	10

	How to distract Security from your shoplifting. 10/06/23 7:07:04	9

	"I wish I could find a faster-drying deodorant." 25/04/22 11:07:21	9

	Spot the dummy. 31/12/21 12:12:33	1 9
Impeach the Dummy Again, Again --Scrijjy Doo
	"Guess who?" 06/09/21 11:00:14	9

	"Good thing you didn't break down next to the zebras - they don't know anything about cars." 25/05/21 11:15:49	9

	creative A man's car breaks down on a country road. He opens opens his bonnet and looks at the engine. He knows nothing about cars and has no hope of fixing it. Suddenly he hears a voice saying "Check the alternator." He looks round for who spoke, and leaning over a gate is a small brown horse, who says again "Check the alternator". Bewildered, he looks at what he thinks the alternator might be, and sure enough there is a loose connection. He tightens it, jumps in his car, starts the engine and races off towards the local village, both scared and confused at the appearance of a talking horse. He goes straight to the first bar he sees. "I need a Scotch!" he say, and knocks it straight back. "Hang on," says the barman, "Why are you so shaken?" So the man tells him the tale of breaking down and the small brown horse telling him what was wrong. The barman looks at him seriously."You were so lucky it wasn't the grey horse, mate." "Why, whats wrong with the grey horse?" "He knows nothing about cars." 17/05/21 11:00:36	1 9
A very good short story, a lot better than some childrenâ€™s books. --Neil Mackenzie
	"Listen to me, Specsavers - if I knew where my glasses were, I wouldn't need an urgent appointment!" 16/02/21 8:09:35	1 9
How did he see to dial? --Willie Johnson
	"I think I'd prefer the blue dwarf, thank you." 26/10/20 8:27:29	9

	"Think I'm made of money?" 12/10/20 19:00:26	1 9
But none of it works in the parking meter. --Willie Johnson
	My mum wanted a washing line across the street to the window opposite. 07/02/20 12:02:33	9

	creative Two heads, three arms - yep, it's Zaphod Beeblebrox's problem daughter. 10/01/20 20:00:07	9

	lol Wow, I've always found firemen so sexy - you're not busy, are you? 26/01/19 20:00:11	9

	Oh, stop hogging the sofa! 01/09/18 7:00:25	9

	Things are brightening up in the Serious Burns Unit. 31/08/24 7:02:22	8

	He's stoned again. 21/06/24 7:00:20	8

	"Tracey, I think it's about time you emptied the kitchen bins." 19/06/22 7:06:27	8

	"Faster, now - the squirrels did it far better than that!" 26/03/22 12:00:34	8

	It helps to have a tape worm. 17/12/21 12:00:58	8

	"Get away from here, all you girls! He's mine, I tell you!" 22/11/21 12:02:54	8

	"Well, kid, where did you think little teddy bears came from?" 18/09/21 7:01:02	8

	In his full-time job, he was a policeman. 15/05/21 7:00:07	2 8
Perhaps his profession should have been a defence attorney, then he would have been the wrong arm of the law? --Nina Dutton
	"Doctor, he's still not walking, and I cannot figure out why." 10/04/21 11:00:08	8

	lol "This is your captain, Sully Sullenberger, speaking. We are now approaching the Hudson River..." 15/11/20 8:03:13	2 8
A flying building with square windows. I like it. --Willie Johnson
	"Janet, are you seeing someone?" "No." 16/09/20 7:03:08	8

	Ghostbustiers 29/08/20 7:00:12	8

	Bad hare day. 26/06/20 5:23:09	8

	The baby? I put it in the out tray, of course. 13/01/20 12:01:09	8

	"Of course she'll bounce. You just be ready to catch her when she comes back up." 12/06/19 21:07:20	8

	"These are my Valentine's Day trousers - they say I love you from the heart of my bottom." 03/02/19 20:00:05	8

	It's taking a while for my horse to adapt to life in Australia. 31/12/18 8:00:26	8

	No, you can not drive the car. Period. 02/12/18 20:00:24	8

more captions

last comments (total: 165)

I don't get it please help.

[anon]

19/07/24
11:58am

comment on caption:
"Actually, I was looking for tractors." [Molly R]

Neil Parish MP was caught watching porn on his mobile phone in the House of Commons (UK Parliament) during a debate. He claimed he had been looking for information about tractors.

(caption author)

19/07/24
12:11pm

comment on caption:
"Actually, I was looking for tractors." [Molly R]

Were many people at the Commons that day or were they mass debating?

Glyn Evans

19/07/24
7:11pm

comment on caption:
"Actually, I was looking for tractors." [Molly R]

What, the Torie, morning glory?

Al Overy

19/07/24
9:38pm

comment on caption:
"Actually, I was looking for tractors." [Molly R]

Funny story about Salvador Dali. He used to invite his friends out for meals at expensive restaurants. When the bill arrived he'd pay for everybody with a cheque, but he'd draw a doodle on the back of it. The thing was, his doodles were worth way more than the price of the meal, so the restaurant would never cash the cheque. Cunning.