When your remote falls down the back of the pouch.

24/08/20 11:05:55

Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional.

30/04/20 7:03:23

I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking.

16/04/20 19:19:03

To: parents@gmail.com
"I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?"

To: kidnapper@gmail.com
"Nah, keep them."

31/03/20 12:07:22

clever

Hot Tin Roof on a Cat

20/03/20 12:38:53

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises.

27/02/20 20:12:02

lol

Never give bubblegum to your dog.

16/01/20 23:35:44

Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy?

04/09/19 7:02:16

"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first."

20/08/19 19:00:13

I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen.

24/04/19 19:09:10

creative

Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66!

26/01/19 12:12:44

"For the last time, mate, NO, I don't want my windows washed."

Wed 20:07:35

lol

Ah, the good old days, when men were real men, women were real women, and transvestites were real transvestites.

26/11/24 8:40:24, edited: 26/11/24 8:44:45

lol

-"Dave, do you really think it's safe letting that old man play with the kids?"
-"Of course, honey. If you can't trust the ex-Archbishop of Canterbury, who can you trust?"

12/11/24 20:06:11

lol

"Not bad, but maybe replace the text with a beam of light and a spectrum ... and lose the weirdo family," said Roger Waters.

08/09/24 7:13:40

Flagmingos

09/07/24 7:01:21

Bra-zilian

08/06/24 19:00:53

lol

"Um, no, it's not a rainbow, it's actually three lions devouring my mum."

02/06/24 7:10:05

"Ok, as I can now see my arse, I probably was spinning on my office chair a little too fast."

13/04/24 7:21:56

For those who love feeling the grass between their toes, but hate stepping in dog shit.

23/03/24 20:17:52

The Strolling Stones

30/12/23 12:05:31, edited: 30/12/23 12:15:12

Dragging Queens

05/12/23 8:05:36

No Bat Nursery would be complete without a Bat Mobile.

11/08/23 7:13:58

Dave has always had a tendency to pose. It's a poor trait.

02/05/23 7:12:53

"I don't care how long it takes, one day I will get a winning caption."

27/03/23 19:00:11

Happens all the time when couples get old. Pops buys a caravan, and Nan dyes her hare pink.

02/09/22 7:06:45

"... and this one commemorates my 50th wedding anniversary."

"My God, you've been married 50 years?"

"No, I've been married 50 times."

06/04/22 19:45:10

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the sudden loss of cabin pressure, but everything is now under control, and rest assured, stewardess Nancy can hang on to that wing for hours."

22/03/22 13:11:05

Chair coverings were deemed appropriate, given Buster's romantic history with furniture legs.

03/01/22 20:42:28

lol

"Hi, Steve from Surrey, enjoys long walks in the park, looking for a man who likes rubber, spikes, and barking like a dog?"

"No, I'm Bill Rockwell, photographer."

"Oh, forget I said anything."

29/10/21 22:37:16

"No parking space again! I'm going to have a word with those clowns next door."

10/08/21 19:09:57

creative

This joyous day was squawked about for years at the local seagull colony.

01/08/21 19:54:49

Don't do it. It's false advertising.

22/07/21 7:01:33

"I SAID, YOUR LIPSTICK IS ON WONKY! Oh, I give up, she's obviously deaf as a post."

17/07/21 7:13:05

Staging this photo was expensive. It cost Lucy from wardrobe an arm and a leg.

09/05/21 19:10:50

"That's just life son, they've stopped mum and I from swinging too."

19/02/21 20:10:50

lol

"Barry, you're twenty-seven, don't you think it's time you left home?"

14/02/21 20:16:24

"I'll be late home, I've got a mountain of paperwork to get through."

26/01/21 20:00:06

"Well, that's the last time I chase Santa up the chimney."

30/12/20 20:02:32

rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q.,

... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type.

08/08/20 7:06:12

"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?"

26/06/20 11:00:35

Say goodbye to costly toilet paper!

Say hello to costly wallpaper!

09/04/20 11:01:41

clever

Triplicat

17/03/20 8:27:18

Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun.

20/02/20 20:30:21

Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater.

24/01/20 8:04:46

"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy."

12/01/20 20:00:48

It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet.

16/12/19 8:00:53

Damn. I'm an atheist.

21/11/19 20:00:24

How much is that Dobby in the window?

08/10/19 19:00:10

"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep."

28/07/19 7:00:16

The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards.

30/06/19 7:13:44

Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos.

10/05/19 7:01:23

creative clever

"Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?"

26/01/19 9:26:11

creative

Due to a slight miscalculation, Brian is now a slug.

Sun 20:03:24

clever

Cats in Springfield eagerly await the election results.

06/11/24 12:08:42

"Hmmn, I don't know Ground Control, it still seems like a complicated way to get rid of our poo."

07/06/24 7:04:52

lol

"So you see, son, when a daddy house loves a mummy truck a whole lot, they hug each other very tight, and that's how campervans are made."

04/04/24 7:46:52

lol

"If you think Schrödinger is a prick, try living with the Invisible Man."

20/02/24 12:03:46

clever

A girl does this it's cute. A guy does this he becomes a registered sex offender.

13/02/24 8:05:53

Speed Humps

15/01/24 20:01:47

"On second thoughts, I don't want to be your flatmate."

29/12/23 8:15:13

"Ah, yep, well done, Dave, but we actually need that one horizontal."

20/11/23 20:06:17

When you decide to end it all, but your feet want to live.

04/10/23 19:04:57, edited: 04/10/23 19:06:48

creative

*Ding Dong*

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Apologies, but we must return to the airport. Coming down the runway a bird was sucked into an engine."

02/06/23 19:00:08

I do ⬜
I don't ⬜

08/05/23 7:00:11

clever x2

Some people really, really hate Brussels sprouts.

06/01/23 8:03:09, edited: 06/01/23 8:09:14

creative

That awkward moment when a gust of wind blows away your curtain and completely ruins the puppet show.

28/07/22 7:10:32

"Have you tried lubricating with butter?"

"Yes, but can we focus on getting my son out."

17/02/22 9:03:51

Not many people know that after the gang wraps up a case and unmasks the villain, Velma likes to smoke a joint and strip out of her polo neck sweater.

26/10/21 7:09:31

"Mum, isn't that guy with the cane who keeps bumping into things your boss?"

"Quiet son, I called in sick today."

16/07/21 19:35:12

"Are you guys here for the board meeting?"

13/07/21 12:19:36

"Yep, I can get it out OK, but if you don't mind me asking, how long has your wife been down there?"

10/07/21 7:00:50

"No, sorry, I'm Buddhist, I think you'll find Christians in the next tent."

18/04/21 19:20:46

"Honey, our daughter's 21st is not an ideal time to play with your sex doll."

07/01/21 12:29:09

Well, that proves it. Cats have no idea how to erect a tent.

12/11/20 20:33:02

Given the alternative I think I'd grind my own organ too.

20/10/20 7:10:11

"Damn, that bridge was lower than I thought."

29/09/20 11:08:51

"Give it up kid, with these ears I'm never going to fly."

24/06/20 11:12:30

clever

The shipment of ultra powerful magnets was going smoother than Dave had expected.

20/04/20 19:38:59

Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan.

08/03/20 8:08:58

🎵 All I Want For Crispness Is You 🎵

06/02/20 20:00:10

Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up.

31/01/20 20:44:28

clever

"F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon.

18/12/19 20:19:08

He's clearly bananas.

29/11/19 8:16:57

"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again."

07/11/19 20:00:18

Highland fling

30/10/19 8:17:06

lol

She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her.

28/10/19 12:07:30

lol

Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy.

27/10/19 12:08:41

Copycat

[Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10]

06/10/19 12:33:58

A Wedding and Two Funerals.

25/09/19 7:27:31

This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times.

02/09/19 19:02:22

"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold."

21/08/19 7:09:52

That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct.

02/06/19 7:00:40

Holy Shit

27/05/19 11:00:10

That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen.

24/04/19 7:01:27

Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt.

10/04/19 12:07:25

"Grandmother, what big eyes you have."

08/04/19 11:00:22

... of Driving into Miss Daisy.

05/04/19 11:33:19

The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve.

26/01/19 8:33:37

clever

🎵 While my guitar gently beeps 🎵

03/11/24 12:41:23