"LOOK OUT!"

If only Robert Kennedy had listened to the crazy woman in the fourth row.

21/09/21 19:50:14

"Dear Michael Winner, you've been on caption.me for over 10 years, maybe it's time you added a profile picture? ... oh ... nevermind."

28/08/21 7:08:45

Tears for Shears

24/08/21 11:28:16

"The big naked bastard that used to drive this truck said I'd get under no problem..."

22/08/21 7:08:50

"Typical. You find a quiet moment to share with the page 3 Squirrel, and a bunch of Captioneers show up."

28/07/21 7:04:30

Ugliest damn cats I've ever seen. Come on Karyn, give us a different animal to work with.

11/07/21 7:11:56

Jesus, you're 62, just give it up Madonna.

18/06/21 7:26:46

"Are you alright Hulk? You look a little off colour."

17/06/21 19:18:17

Nothing stops a devoted Captioneer.

03/06/21 11:08:49

creative

The old Regaine in the hot tub gag, hilarious.

30/05/21 11:03:54

Mattel quickly realised they were going to need a Ken doll to do the driving.

17/05/21 19:06:10

"Sorry mate, but you've failed your audition for Mary Poppins. Have you thought about trying out for President?"

11/05/21 19:00:23

Yes, many of us do feel that way about recycled captions.

22/04/21 7:07:50

lol

12 years, 968 man-hours, 2435 rolls of film, and when this moment finally arrived, Paul Vause was in the loo.

26/03/21 8:38:40

"I loved you in Toy Story."

18/03/21 9:02:57

Doctor's note, day 17: Miss Smith's anorexia is not improving. I suspect she is hiding her food somewhere. But where?

04/03/21 12:36:15

"Was it a rat I saw?"

"No, it was a gerbil, and for the last time, stop speaking in palindromes."

16/02/21 12:24:29

lol

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith, welcome, shall we go in, I just know you're going to love the high ceilings and period details."

11/02/21 20:26:20

The sand bunker on the 18th is a bitch to get out of.

07/01/21 8:06:38

Warning, 2021 ahead! Be prepared for anything.

01/01/21 8:42:23

Turns out there is a use for a condom machine in the Vatican.

23/12/20 12:00:48

"Word of advice kid, lose the nappy. Making your owners pick up shit is hilarious."

02/11/20 20:04:23

"Remember Jimmy, when we get to the store you need to look for the bottle that says 'Superglue Remover'."

30/09/20 19:00:36

"How was it for you?"

"To be honest, it was no picnic."

28/09/20 8:07:23

lol

After spending half his life on Caption.me, it was no surprise Dave fell in love with a mannequin.

25/09/20 7:05:41

44, gal, on drum

17/09/20 7:00:56

"Why the hell did I buy a green and yellow tractor? That's the third time I've lost it this week."

15/09/20 7:00:11

"I'm so glad we went with the face graphic, rather than the giant penis."

05/09/20 7:00:28

Back when homosexuals were not allowed in the armed services, the government would conduct cunning sexuality tests. This young man failed.

30/08/20 19:25:12

If I had a daughter I'd never let her get in a dangerous situation like this ... come to think of it, I have two daughters. I wonder where the hell they are.

20/08/20 7:39:13

That high note in "Happy Birthday" is a bitch to hit.

08/08/20 19:42:44

"Before we go any further, have you tried turning it off then on again?"

26/07/20 19:10:34

You'd be angry too if you had to buy your bondage and discipline clothes in the kiddy section.

21/05/20 19:14:29

Never trust signs like these. I've been arrested twice for taking free range eggs.

16/05/20 11:08:40

"Hi social media followers. So I got really drunk last night and when I woke up somebody had written "unt" down my chest?"

16/05/20 7:19:20

Population: ̶1̶0̶1̶ ̶1̶0̶2̶ ̶1̶0̶3̶ ̶1̶0̶4̶ 105

16/04/20 19:37:30

"Be quiet and behave kids or you'll end up like mummy, and we all remember how bad she tasted."

31/03/20 12:11:28

That's obviously photo-shopped ... crowds aren't allowed anymore.

19/03/20 20:12:13

We had the wee sign first, then we got the bigger one. Turns out size does matter.

16/03/20 12:36:15

She's just seen the sign that says "Weight must be distributed evenly on each side of the carriage".

06/03/20 16:10:44

"Just hold still while I get a pic for my Facebook page, then we'll go and get your ankle x-rayed."

15/02/20 14:12:00

clever

For Your Iris Only

30/01/20 21:21:39

After the unfortunate incident with the parking meter, the Tortoise decided to take it slow and steady.

22/01/20 20:19:26

Santa thought he'd help save the planet by going electric, but having to stand on these bloody charging stations for 364 days pisses the reindeer right off.

14/01/20 20:36:30

"I haven't been to a good Kiss concert in ages."

"Don't feel bad mate, nobody's ever been to a good Kiss concert."

20/12/19 8:46:26

RIP tide ... Oh damn, curse my shitty internet connection speed.

18/12/19 14:11:10

"I always wash my pussy in the bathroom sink," said Mrs. Slocombe.

08/12/19 12:00:46

"So, do you come here often?"

25/11/19 20:08:43

Well, that's the last time we hire that babysitter.

23/11/19 20:32:28

It's true. I went to my psychiatrist with a fear of sexual intercourse and now I'm addicted to crack.

14/11/19 12:30:26

"I should never have made fun of that girl," Sandeep thought as he bounced off the windshield.

11/11/19 12:08:50

Lubricate bottle before insertion.

08/11/19 20:00:52

Trump Card

02/11/19 12:59:48

"What, you were expecting a clown?"

10/10/19 7:00:10

"Hi everybody, I'm back, and I've brought food."

07/10/19 19:12:31

"I had this dream. Two bears were sweetening my coffee by dancing a jive and crushing sugar cubes between their butts. Then they asked me if I wanted cream ... At this point things got weird."

07/10/19 0:19:49

creative

Tired of being the graphic representation of a terrible pun, Blossom escaped from the get well card that read 'Ewe will soon be in the pink!'

02/10/19 7:40:21

I've had a really bad day, so I voted for this photo just to piss everyone else off.

03/09/19 7:01:09

When Godzilla and The Statue of Liberty divorced, she got the house.

26/08/19 19:07:42

Some mini golf courses are just ridiculous.

19/07/19 13:34:19

The cup final has come down to a penalty shootout ... tensions are high ... the crowd goes quiet ... you nervously approach the mark ... take a deep breath ... concentrate ... and then some smartarse starts a drumroll.

17/07/19 22:15:48

Maybe, but wanking makes you blind four-eyes.

03/07/19 7:09:33

"Well son, if you'd ducked when I yelled 'DUCK' you'd still have a nose."

26/06/19 19:56:16

I love playing with the spinner from The Game of Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life Life.

07/06/19 7:00:18

That "Should I chew my arm off?" moment.

01/06/19 7:02:22

"So the new flatmate, his name's Dexter?"

30/05/19 11:09:05

"Suicide watch? Your service sucks. I jumped 45 minutes ago."

08/05/19 7:12:31

This is without doubt the longest I have stared at a dog's arsehole. I hope the rest of you can say the same.

05/05/19 8:43:27

Joan doesn't suffer from alzheimer's, but sometimes she wishes she did.

10/04/19 7:42:08

"Oh, a mobile DJ mega boom truck, can I make a request?"
"Yep sure."
"Please fuck off."

08/04/19 7:23:58

creative

Rarely captured on camera, the queen bee is a magnificent creature.

26/03/19 12:01:32

Who hasn't faked a heart attack to get out of a kid's birthday party?

13/03/19 8:04:11

clever

She's had her hair straightened. It used to be wavy.

11/03/19 20:19:57

"So, a 6-0 loss isn't good, but cheer up mate, we've got the shower to look forward to."

11/03/19 8:43:46

"So, he was about my height, and he'll be wearing what I used to be wearing."

04/03/19 20:02:12

"Sorry James, we can't put 'Arsebandit' on the plaque. How about 'Architect' instead?"

28/01/19 20:00:41

John sank into a deep depression after his wife left him for a Sony 65 inch Ultra HD.

22/01/19 20:19:44

🎵 Feeder of the Pack 🎵

Tue 8:57:27

"A clotheshorse, a clotheshorse! My kingdom for a clotheshorse!"

20/11/24 20:09:14

"Sorry about this, girls, my regular divine messaging system is on the fritz. Anyhoo, how are you all?" asked God.

06/11/24 20:17:03, edited: 06/11/24 20:20:12

As Dave plummeted to his death, only to be saved by landing on a wire, only to be electrocuted by said wire, only to be flung free of electrocution by elasticity, only to again begin plummeting to his death, the only thought that went through his head was ... "Bloody typical".

25/09/24 7:13:55

So, the game options were:

1. Let Rose float on the debris
2. Try to float on the debris with Rose.
3. Eat Rose.

31/08/24 19:08:30

After 15 years on caption.me, Anon and family finally reveal themselves.

31/08/24 7:03:15, edited: 31/08/24 23:25:00, suggested edits

When you want to go on holiday, but your caravan really doesn't.

30/08/24 19:05:52

"Doctor, I suffer from terrible uncertainty."

"I'm sure I can help, Mr. Schrödinger."

24/08/24 19:18:40, edited: 24/08/24 19:23:45

After he was diagnosed with dangerously high cholesterol, Dave's wife started packing him a new lunch.

15/08/24 11:11:54, edited: 15/08/24 11:29:58

Who'd have thought there were so many uses for elephant arseholes?

13/08/24 19:12:16, edited: 13/08/24 19:24:02

That awkward first date moment when you realise you're totally incompatible.

26/07/24 19:05:27

"I love your Marge Simpson costume."

"Who's Marge Simpson?"

16/07/24 19:02:43

"...so, then I got counselling, and that helped me move on from the whole Jane Goodall inappropriate touching thing."

11/07/24 19:12:16, edited: 11/07/24 19:25:13

A Bridge too Far Gone

02/07/24 19:13:36

lol

"So, Dave wouldn't buy me Royal Canin, because he's a tight bastard, so I got his credit card, bought it online, he got angry, threatened to send me to the pound ... Anyway, long story short, he's buried under here."

01/07/24 7:06:13

"Officer, I'd like to report a crime. Somebody drugged me, and when I came to, my testicles were missing."

27/06/24 7:07:28, edited: 27/06/24 10:10:42

Dave suffers from high cholesterol.

25/06/24 7:21:10

A Royal Flush

04/06/24 19:11:00, edited: 04/06/24 19:17:06

🎵 It's my party and I'll fry if I want to 🎵

30/05/24 19:07:13

Snowmam

18/05/24 19:00:30

"Son, why don't you take off your cap?"

"Have you ever looked in a mirror dad?"

15/04/24 7:12:08

"On second thoughts," said Norm. "Let's just stick to socializing at the bar, Cliff."

02/04/24 11:32:40

Typical Tina. Always straddling any erection she comes across.

26/03/24 8:06:19, edited: 26/03/24 8:07:52