Batman and Joggin'.

03/05/24 12:01:24

Expurrminate

30/04/24 8:01:05

"I've taken to calling him Hewitt."

18/03/24 8:07:07

"Do you want cries with that?"

05/09/23 8:04:26

lol

Should’ve gone to Downing Street

25/05/23 20:00:20

When you've parked too far from the pump and are determined to make it reach.

14/05/23 8:04:08

"What are we eating tonight Hammy?"

"Oh, just something I've throne together."

13/04/23 13:48:11

And so it came to pass that dozens of captioneers stared blankly at their screens.

13/03/23 12:02:17

Parasole

04/03/23 12:01:21

I saw exactly the same car last week, except it was green.

12/12/22 8:12:07

Dave made two bad decisions that day - parking where he did and leaving the sunroof open.

27/11/22 13:48:17

The evidence leant towards it being a fake. The depth of the layering, the delicacy of the brush strokes...the fact it was printed on a cheap beach towel.

26/10/22 13:08:05

For Plume The Bell Tolls.

17/08/24 8:21:09, edited: 17/08/24 8:22:18

Born and bread

25/07/24 20:02:13

lol

They didn't know what to do with him after the last film. It was either this or a Hoover.

22/07/24 8:29:16

Pan's people

10/04/24 20:01:58

"Honey, I'm home, my train was can..."

02/04/24 12:12:39

"For God's sake, nobody say 'mate'!"

27/03/24 20:07:00

Models take a break at London Fashion week to visit a local market.

10/03/24 8:10:00

Perfect for taking a photoe.

29/02/24 8:12:13

John, Paul, George, and Wingo

30/01/24 12:07:43

Gran Turisimo

27/11/23 12:19:13, edited: 27/11/23 12:19:43

Knuckle sandwich

01/10/23 8:02:03

"Humping the radiator isn't going to help, Rex."

14/09/23 8:01:34

Behind the benign smile lay a sinister tale. Mildred's husband had disappeared in 1972 and nothing had been seen of him since. On every birthday, Mildred prepared herself a treat, and for her 95th, she'd saved something very special.

16/08/23 8:13:01

"And how am I supposed to reach the pedals?"

23/06/23 8:18:52

Barnsley “not fully prepared” for electric vehicle revolution, say local officials.

17/05/23 8:04:30

"You couldn't hit a cows arse at 50 paces, Zeus."

"Hold my beer."

11/05/23 12:28:41

Escape Room

15/04/23 12:00:13

Medical breakthrough as three new antibiotics discovered in Hull

01/03/23 13:10:51, edited: 01/03/23 13:11:30

Scary Spice

22/02/23 21:24:47

lol

There was nothing Dave enjoyed more than launching an unprovoked mortar attack on an unsuspecting neighbour.

01/12/22 13:17:31

clever

"...and the vet said it's probably tinnitus."

23/10/22 8:26:39

...and the winning Pumpkins in the 'carve-a-celebrity' competition go to David Dickinson and Katie Price.

21/10/22 21:04:51

Dave's private investigation career didn't last long.

04/10/24 8:02:45

In a chord for once.

14/09/24 8:06:07

"So, how much more was it for an inside table again Jock?"

06/09/24 8:21:30, edited: 06/09/24 8:21:45

If anyone breaks in, they get a bounty on their head.

14/08/24 8:11:47

"Hello...can I hear you?"

28/07/24 20:01:56

"Who do you think you are, Veal Armstrong?"

21/07/24 20:07:41

Well that's one way to dry out your armpits.

30/06/24 8:05:11

"Nice tits but I'm really more of an ass man."

04/06/24 12:03:42

Mercedes Bendz

10/04/24 12:23:09

"Fucking hell, I'm going bald already!"

09/02/24 12:01:14

"Stop complaining, your mum said I wasn't to get your shoes muddy."

19/01/24 20:12:27

"It's days like this I wish I hadn't gone into plumbing."

18/01/24 20:02:03, edited: 19/01/24 10:54:28, suggested edits

Whinny Bay Go!

03/01/24 8:36:20

"Just a couple more hours Miss Winslet and we'll be ready to go."

27/11/23 8:18:45

Park Drench

02/09/23 22:19:59

"...and as we move into February..."

29/08/23 8:10:47

"I wish she'd stop flashing her tits."

21/08/23 8:10:42

"Remember that little two seater we used to have Mavis before the 128 kids came along?"

15/08/23 8:13:50

"Just the 2,500 coming round tonight."

11/08/23 20:05:40

She literally waited on him hand and foot.

29/06/23 8:08:53

"No, course I haven't left the handbrake on. Do you think I'm an idiot?"

14/05/23 8:02:45

Frantic scenes at Glasgow Central as charity collectors spotted approaching platform.

16/02/23 20:11:19

clever

Dave had no idea how the cub had got stuck to the window, and even less idea how to remove it.

12/02/23 20:08:01

Lad-in-der Field

06/11/22 13:06:12

lol

The works outing had been fun and the mill owner promised that if everyone worked really hard, he might start the engine next year.

12/10/22 20:17:22

Age 7+ in Scotland.

04/09/24 12:22:22

A valuable road safety message...Don't try to drive with your tits stuck to the windscreen.

26/08/24 9:33:12

Wrist watch.

16/05/24 20:01:07

Old woman wins lottery!

15/05/24 8:05:13, edited: 15/05/24 8:08:12

Dave laughed as he took the photograph. Three seconds later, he was finding it less funny when his moped wouldn't start.

21/02/24 8:06:05

To have and to hold...

27/12/23 20:00:58

Meals on Wheels

20/12/23 20:03:00

As systems go for lighting your own farts, it was complex.

13/12/23 8:08:18

"Alright mate, take off your watch and any jewellery and walk straight through."

28/10/23 8:44:39

"Anyway, enough about my hair...are you buying the couch or not?"

27/10/23 12:41:52

"If we go through another speed camera I want to look my best."

12/10/23 8:10:48

The 'Hot chicks on motorbikes' link wasn't what Dave was expecting.

28/06/23 8:14:49

"I'm sweating me nads off here lads, and then in December they'll have us doing the swimsuit stuff."

24/06/23 8:32:48

If at first you don't succeed...

25/05/23 9:53:18

His bark is worse than his bite.

20/05/23 8:02:47

"It's okay, it's okay...it's only the ginger one."

10/05/23 20:01:54

Quarter Pounder With Keys.

23/03/23 20:00:17

"Bounce now, yer bastard!"

22/03/23 8:02:05

Trials of novelty monorail get underway on M1.

21/03/23 8:02:08

“Oh alright then, THEY is a knob.”

02/02/23 20:00:29

My Scare Lady

17/12/22 8:26:45

Clark Went

01/12/22 8:11:02

Dave had been putting off defrosting the freezer, but the time had come.

13/11/22 10:02:09

“Well, the good news is there’s no need to rake up the clippings…”

09/11/22 20:00:16

The Naked Butler turned out to be a bit of a disappointment.

03/11/22 20:26:25

The party at Wayne Rooney's house was in full swing.

30/10/22 20:20:57

"It was an honour to learn that the village will be renamed after me after my death." Thomas Watt 1827-1892

01/10/24 9:40:26

"Bless me Father, for I've had tinned."

29/09/24 8:11:53, edited: 29/09/24 10:17:23

creative clever

Yusuf Islam (I'll never get the hang of this.)

25/09/24 20:08:22

Don't blame the cat...the dog put her up to it.

31/07/24 12:00:44

"Are you having a shit as well, Dad?"

23/05/24 20:12:07

If Citroen designed kitchens.

10/04/24 8:12:59

"On the plus side, I don't think we're going to need the suppository."

07/04/24 20:03:18

"The dog in space thing has been done."

09/03/24 8:05:41

Thunberg has epiphany after realising global warming will mean you can grow grapes in Sweden.

20/02/24 8:03:42

Pan Am

06/01/24 20:03:18

"Don't think this is a good idea Dave."
"Why, because I'm not wearing any trunks?"
"No, because the tide's out."

25/11/23 9:26:52

"It's life Jim, but not as we know it."

18/11/23 20:03:58

"Great, it will go with my World Trade Centre novelty candles."

01/11/23 20:05:47

"Yes, I did tell you to brush your teeth but I think you've got the wrong end of the stick."

29/10/23 20:24:34

"Okay they're a nice colour but when are you going to wear them?"

19/08/23 8:07:01