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It doesn't matter what football team their scarves say, they are going to get beaten up. 

04/09/14 7:00:59

Porn troopers.

03/08/14 19:00:16

"The plaice has gone to the dog".

21/07/14 7:10:59

It could be worse fella - you could be the Brazillian goalkeeper.

08/07/14 20:59:01

Bloke and dagger.

06/07/14 19:00:33

Army Desserter

23/05/14 7:45:33

I never said I'd propose and we'd see the world - I said i'd propose at Sea World

18/10/23 7:13:39

I've worn the same knickers longer than you were in office

22/09/23 7:40:29

"Thanks for looking after my horse François ... where is he?"

19/05/19 20:28:17

"14 teas and 73 coffees coming up"

27/04/19 19:02:10

"Well at first I just thought it sounded like the tyres going down"

13/04/17 19:03:51

"Yes it's quite catchy, but instead of saying 'clean in Widnes'..."

18/09/16 8:11:10

"Oh ... er ... hey Andrea ... you're home from work early"

04/09/16 5:38:48

lol

"He had a smashing funeral"

24/08/16 11:04:51

lol

"Sorry, I said no cheese"

17/07/16 19:44:07

Makes cents really

10/07/16 7:13:00

"I got the idea from the hamster"

03/06/16 7:03:04

"Can we please remove the sign - the Pedantic Society are in and we'll get this all day"

28/05/16 12:54:10

... on the positive side the company has seen a 100% decrease in sexual harassment claims"

11/05/16 7:37:32

Nice to see a family that sticks together

26/04/16 11:33:21

"I can't see a bloody thing either - tripped up a queen's guard earlier"

17/04/16 21:20:05

Pee-er pressure

25/03/16 8:42:16

Fountain Dew

23/03/16 8:03:06

"We're dam good"

29/02/16 21:30:00

Dear tenant. Due to the extension to your dwelling, you are now required to pay bedroom tax.

11/02/16 8:13:00

"You better get home, your little sister is kicking shit out of your car"

19/01/16 12:16:46

Caught red handed

18/01/16 20:00:14

"Look luv, the advert promised a £5 tree taller than the driver - so where do you want it?"

11/12/15 8:13:13

"So I told him it's my f**king picture on the Bacardi bottle, and I want my royalties ..."

17/10/15 5:09:35

"Ah crap, I didn't know it was a formal event"

01/10/15 8:38:24

Natasha's bedding-field.

21/09/15 3:54:49

"OK Scotland, I'm afraid summer is over - oh but what a day it was"

03/09/15 13:06:54

Washed up and alone, 'H' failed to see the irony of where he had ended up.

26/08/15 7:12:18

Must be taking him to the knackers yard

20/08/15 21:02:52

My other car is a Frontera.

18/08/15 23:39:01

"We'll go sodding anywhere, as long as we can get out of Hull"

17/08/15 8:29:10

Cheryl was down to one ciggy a day ... tough getting it to fit behind her ear though.

13/08/15 19:32:49

"Hi Mum & Dad, thanks for the lovely surprise. Funnily enough they read the scan wrong - it's a boy"

13/07/15 19:31:54

You can lead a Corsa to water ... 

12/07/15 7:05:26

"We love the jobs your wife hates"

08/06/15 11:04:40

I prefer unchained Melody.

22/05/15 22:27:10

She's a mate, but I hate going shopping for sunglasses with her.

22/04/15 7:27:03

"No, I said I wanted SEX in the forest with other couples for my birthday"

21/04/15 16:50:28

"Perhaps we should have built the Oympic pool further away from the javelin field"

26/03/15 11:14:51

🎵 NOEL NOEL .... NOEL NOEL ..... 🎵

22/03/15 8:26:14

Call Captain Pugwash and ask if he does other breeds.

19/03/15 20:00:53

🎵 How much is that doggy near the vino 🎵

06/03/15 23:34:23

clever

No leaning on a lamp-post at the corner of the street in case a certain little lady comes by. By order of Formby street residents association. 

28/02/15 20:07:15

"I told you they didn't look like asprin"

13/02/15 8:06:21

Spin cycle.

09/02/15 12:39:15

Odour Toilette

07/02/15 20:32:12

"Just a drop for me please"

04/02/15 20:51:37

It was a tough game - after an hour they were all cream crackered.

24/01/15 21:22:32

Don't think I'll try cross-breeding a melon and a Venus fly trap again.

07/01/15 6:12:04

No matter how hard she looked, Maria just couldn't see her keys down the grate in the park.

18/11/14 20:57:46

creative

"Are you sure you didn't give him a little help Mrs Smith? Most of the other 3 year olds just made a plasticine face"

10/11/14 20:45:18

"Oh come on guys - you dress up in one bacon costume, and you never live it down"

07/11/14 8:05:34

Jive Bunny's career hits new low.

28/10/14 8:26:30

Gustav was the lucky one, his brother Parvel was left blowing into a trumpet mouthpiece connected to a hollow violin shell.

27/10/14 8:19:51

Suitable for adults who are lactose gin tolerant.

11/10/14 20:26:49

He's obviously read 'Fishing For Dummies'. 

27/09/14 7:00:14

Boardwalk.

16/09/14 11:25:52

They couldn't give a XXXX for other chicken beer recipes.

10/08/14 19:21:50

Well at least we didn't have to watch you playing with Uranus.

22/07/14 19:17:45

Wanted a swim but had no body to go with.

15/07/14 11:06:57

Jim found his daughter's knickers hanging on a branch in the garden. Far from being displeased, he beamed with joy - it was the first time she had shown any compunction to pick her clothes up off the floor.

26/06/14 19:33:08

He's one of the Chinese checkers

15/06/14 19:04:11

"Not going so well Mr Heinz, too much alcohol too little tomato. I'm thinking we have at least 11 more varieties to try before we get it right".

09/10/14 18:53:16

Must be a Jeep Cheerykee.

04/10/14 7:06:48

"I've been hiding the fact that I don't want to see you any more, but i've decided to come clean - i just can't stand the gilt."

29/08/14 7:02:37

"Excuse me sir, has King Midas passed by this way yet? ... Sir? ... Sir?"

29/08/14 7:00:11

"She said she wanted a fling".

16/08/14 19:20:29

"Son, in my experience it is better to wear large trunks and have people believe you have a small knob, than to wear small trunks and prove it".

20/07/14 7:45:10

What started as a bit of fun soon escalated into actual violence. It was a cushionary tale. 

16/07/14 7:01:33

The Walkers crisp factory's casual workers' sports day was popular with the ladies. They were generally grouped by the season in which they were employed, and the flavourings they chose to make their crisps. Here we see the summer salters in action.

11/07/14 7:14:16

Investigators found that both of my mother's sisters had slipped and fallen on the same cherry tomato. Experts say that they are a huge source of auntyaccidents.

07/07/14 7:00:17

#Stairway To Severn

29/06/14 19:05:10

"'Don't set foot in my yard again', you say?" mocked Charley

11/06/14 12:24:17

Jacob could only stare at it through the window. He knew the retro shop's posters were way out of his budget.

10/06/14 20:00:20

Steve would give his left arm to get his right eye back ... hang about ...

31/05/14 19:07:10

... and this floor is called the spirit level.

02/05/14 19:31:03

The ski shop decided to branch out.

19/04/14 6:40:21

"My husband told me to turn over a new Leaf"

22/10/23 12:01:57

"OK we've come up with a new Brexit plan ..."

16/05/19 11:45:28

"I fell on it"

09/11/17 20:08:00

Just off to the bathroom for a slash

31/10/17 20:01:54

Located on a slip road

04/05/17 11:33:09

A young Margaret Thatcher

30/04/17 11:00:29

Cufflynx

28/04/17 11:01:58

Bubble and Squeak

05/02/17 12:04:41

The final frontier

21/01/17 8:00:14

"Well the first thing that attracted me was his incredibly fast finger work"

18/09/16 7:23:58

You can't get thicker than a Kwik-Fit fitter

09/09/16 11:12:31

Too hot to handle

01/09/16 11:08:12

"Just one question - why the frigging heels?"

21/08/16 19:15:16

"We prepared for today by watching EastEnders omnibus"

02/08/16 7:16:32

"Alright, who's been drinking the Sunny Delight?!"

10/06/16 20:23:56

It's a swingers bar

26/05/16 11:28:18

Surely it would be smarter to put her picture up

22/05/16 7:32:20

"I've changed my mind hubby, I want steak for dinner"

26/04/16 7:11:17