super vote: ( left this week)
"I don't enjoy this any more.""You must be off your rioja."
20/05/24 19:15:41
His face is a picture.
17/05/24 7:02:23
"Who is the irritating little git playing the recorder?"
08/05/24 7:01:19
šµ School for cats.. šµ
07/05/24 19:04:30
Complimentary Red Rum with every booking.
17/04/24 11:39:39
"Damn, I forgot my Leo-tard."
30/03/24 20:05:48
"Sorry, but I just don't fancy you. No hard feelings."
22/03/24 8:10:23
"Is there chocolate on Uranus?""There shouldn't be, I've had a shower."
20/03/24 12:08:52
Ideal for when your boiler needs servicing.
20/02/24 20:45:32
They belonged to Whistler's Mother.
12/02/24 20:10:02
Public want jailed repeat punner to be given a longer sentence.
30/01/24 8:06:04
He's recovered from the Corona virus, but unfortunately has no teeth left.
24/01/24 20:18:27
Next time order the fish fingers.
23/01/24 20:03:11
Residence Evil
08/01/24 20:29:07
Cutbacks mean this year's Russian pantomime only has one bear and no wig for Goldilocks.
06/12/23 8:16:29
He'll end up in hot water again.
21/11/23 8:34:28
There's four in a pack.
28/09/23 19:04:45, edited: 28/09/23 19:06:27
"Does the baby need changing?""Yes, for a toothless one."
16/09/23 11:06:52
Fairy Glen
16/09/23 7:13:28
šµGo on now, go, wok out the door šµ
08/09/23 19:51:28
"Brace yourselves! In my experience, they're going to throw a large sweet square lump at us, then there's going to be a milky tsunami and finally we'll be launched into a vortex with the aid of a spoon."
22/08/23 19:31:34, edited: 22/08/23 19:33:46
There were a few Snickers when he parked up.
18/08/23 7:03:42
"I'm going to have to jump start it."
13/08/23 19:27:34
"Mmmm.. yom kipper"
11/08/23 19:19:37
"Chef, customers are complaining of hairs in their stir-fry.""Tell the idiots it's Whiskas."
01/08/23 7:14:11
Two of the cats have just spotted a guy with a mullet.
19/06/23 7:42:49
He fancies himself as a bit of a stud.
11/06/23 19:00:27
Raiding those squirrel-proof bird feeders all day is thirsty work.
19/05/23 19:12:24
She's got to change at the bus station.
13/05/23 7:13:56
Kennel Club 18 - 30 Holidays
01/05/23 3:50:00
Jess Capes
19/04/23 7:43:51
Eat one of these and throw caution to the wind.
14/04/23 19:00:23
It's no use hiding behind a mask Mrs De Burgh, we know who you are.
10/04/23 19:01:48
"Somebody's weed in this."
22/02/23 12:40:46
My Fair Lady
09/02/23 20:00:11
The English love chips with everything.
07/02/23 20:10:16
Bambi's mother shortly before she pegged out.
25/01/23 8:00:56
She said she wanted a fish pedicure so I invited her back to my plaice.
24/01/23 20:08:06
"Yes, we'll start a reign of terrier."
14/01/23 20:06:36
Not the first time a copper's put me on hold.
09/01/23 20:24:59
No Volga comments, please.
28/12/22 12:13:25
Grate Expectations
25/12/22 13:15:05
There's always a joker in the pack.
23/11/22 8:25:43
"This book blew me away!"
16/11/22 8:00:53
The worst case of firballs I've ever seen.
01/11/22 20:00:14
Well, The Proclaimers are getting older now.
25/10/22 7:13:47
Some inconsiderate anchors on the road these days.
11/10/22 19:32:16
This was a sad episode when Pingu's mum turned gangrenous.
07/10/22 19:05:20
I can't understand it. It's not like she's his ugliest sister.
04/10/22 19:31:47
It's normally the German Shepherds who reserve the trollies.
13/09/22 7:26:18
There's also a couple of stools stuck to his @rse.
12/09/22 19:05:27
šµ I've had the time of my life šµ
10/09/22 19:00:40
"Hey, I've got a bone to picnic with you!"
07/09/22 20:38:42
"The finalists of the worst road pavers are.. in no particular order..."
03/09/22 19:25:31
Bed and Breakfast
12/08/22 11:01:00
That's why I wear glasses in the shower.
02/08/22 20:00:42
Downing Street confirm that Larry the cat is in charge of defence.
28/07/22 7:08:52
Rise and shine!
24/07/22 7:00:06
I hate it when you wake up and find half of last night's Chinese down the side of the settee.
15/07/22 19:12:17
"Plague it again, Sam"
25/06/22 11:08:28
Teacher's pet
19/06/22 19:01:22
šµ Granola Gay šµ
11/06/22 11:36:47
Her Majesty has been on the throne for a very long time.
09/06/22 19:00:15
The Cardboard Captioneer comes complete with interchangeable tabbed paper clothes for 8.00 am, 12.00 and 8.00 pm: pyjamas, dressing gowns, string vests and much more. Exclusive offer for June - red negligee with matching crotchless panties (one size fits all).
30/05/22 19:27:41
"Would you like me to Open Sesame?"
22/05/22 19:13:20
The aquarium said he needed more training.
17/05/22 7:12:52
šµ How Deep Is Your Love?Written and performed by Robin, Barry and Maurice Gibbon
11/05/22 7:25:31
"DON'T! We're lick toes intolerant."
10/05/22 7:02:37
Cum On Eileen
05/05/22 19:00:06
Never underestimate the danger of swallowing helium balloons.
04/05/22 7:06:59
My Fare Lady
30/04/22 11:19:38
Things are about to get steamy.
30/04/22 11:16:54
The chef responsible has been reported to the RSPCA and is now doing porridge.
22/04/22 11:13:09
Handy for bush fires.
18/04/22 7:02:12
There's a sucker born every minute.
17/04/22 8:12:34
They met on Russia's Plenty of Fish and just clicked.
16/04/22 11:07:34
Captioneer finds new way to caption peacefully when the wife's around.
08/04/22 19:29:06
šµ He ain't heavy, he's my brother šµ
30/03/22 11:10:31
I've heard it's not much Kop.
29/03/22 7:12:40
"Excuse me, where do I park?" queried the smug electric eel.
16/03/22 8:07:06
Pulpit Fiction
25/02/22 20:22:38
Diocese Another Day
25/02/22 20:00:46
Calvin Not-so-kleins.
18/02/22 12:23:32
"Don't look now but I think we're being spied on by a giant panda"
03/02/22 20:27:43
Guard dog for the kind.
29/01/22 8:21:54
Bridge of size
24/01/22 20:32:57
The Queen casually discards another outcast she no longer considers hers.
15/01/22 8:23:03
She needs to put a comb through her hair.
11/01/22 8:01:43
"Now how do I set sleep mode?"
08/01/22 12:09:43
"I'm sad that my mum's been a wafer so long"
17/12/21 22:03:11
Ruddy duck!
04/12/21 20:19:09
"Dad's been at the barre all day"
27/11/21 8:18:01
You never know when a captioneer might photobomb your wedding photos.
17/11/21 12:40:11
Tol Story
16/11/21 20:00:48
"Darling, the baby smells a bit..?""Well, she's been in the loft for nearly 11 months."
12/11/21 20:20:20
A bargain at only 10 smackers!
03/11/21 12:10:31
Die Hard
25/10/21 11:00:12
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen strikes again.
19/10/21 19:00:15
"Ahhh that's better. I've got a mouth like the bottom of a birdcage..."
15/10/21 19:00:41
Close Encounters of the Purred Kind
11/10/21 19:00:20
576 - 585 566 - 575 556 - 565 546 - 555 536 - 545 526 - 535 516 - 525 506 - 515 496 - 505 486 - 495 476 - 485 466 - 475 456 - 465 446 - 455 436 - 445 426 - 435 416 - 425 406 - 415 396 - 405 386 - 395 376 - 385 366 - 375 356 - 365 346 - 355 336 - 345 326 - 335 316 - 325 306 - 315 296 - 305 286 - 295 276 - 285 266 - 275 256 - 265 246 - 255 236 - 245 226 - 235 216 - 225 206 - 215 196 - 205 186 - 195 176 - 185 166 - 175 156 - 165 146 - 155 136 - 145 126 - 135 116 - 125 106 - 115 96 - 105 86 - 95 76 - 85 66 - 75 56 - 65 46 - 55 36 - 45 26 - 35 16 - 25 6 - 15 1 - 5
Fantastic! May your perforations continue to remain aligned.
comment on caption: "What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Great caption, well done Vanessa!
Congratulations Vanessa. Your caption's a hit!
Thank you all for the votes and lovely comments. I can see you're all DAB hands at these toilet puns. š
Vanessa you deserve a big box of Ex Lax chocolates.
Vanessa kindly made a large deposit into the 2024 Dave Awards fund! Much appreciated, Vanessa!
This was no bog-standard caption, Vanessa! Congratulations.
Well done Vanessa - really good captions again from you last month. And nice one for your donation too
Splendid caption Vanessa! hearing you'd won was like music to my rear.
It's the biggest (asp?) I've ever seen.
comment on caption: "Does my asp look big in this?" [Vanessa the Guesser]
email us
Fantastic! May your perforations continue to remain aligned.
9:11am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Great caption, well done Vanessa!
9:56am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Congratulations Vanessa. Your caption's a hit!
11:00am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Thank you all for the votes and lovely comments. I can see you're all DAB hands at these toilet puns. š
11:18am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Vanessa you deserve a big box of Ex Lax chocolates.
11:44am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Vanessa kindly made a large deposit into the 2024 Dave Awards fund! Much appreciated, Vanessa!
11:49am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
This was no bog-standard caption, Vanessa! Congratulations.
1:43pm
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Well done Vanessa - really good captions again from you last month. And nice one for your donation too
3:59pm
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
Splendid caption Vanessa! hearing you'd won was like music to my rear.
6:31am
comment on caption:
"What's the frequency?" "Well, at least once a day." [Vanessa the Guesser]
It's the biggest (asp?) I've ever seen.
8:06am
comment on caption:
"Does my asp look big in this?" [Vanessa the Guesser]