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The Hotel Inspectre had had enough, he was throwing in the towel

07/07/17 10:06:02

Shortly after, the child was propelled into an adjoining garden by a freak wave

22/06/17 19:40:28

"What the blazes...? I asked for a royal green angora COAT for sitting out on the veranda."

21/06/17 13:44:47

"Good effort, Gavin. Next we'll try gluing your feet to the board and adding a blindfold. It worked for the horse."

12/06/17 13:18:15

Flop suey

11/06/17 9:09:45

Young offenders to serve the community as gutter sweepers

25/05/17 19:21:53

I have to drag myself to the hairdresser

20/05/17 7:04:13

"Who thought copying their lunch would make it go further? Jesus!"

08/05/17 10:07:35

There were strings attached with this advert. They eventually had to pull out.

13/04/17 11:00:38

"... and this week on Health Watch we'll be looking at dicky tickers."

08/04/17 17:26:56

'Well, she's no Rapunzel but I'll give it a go,' thought the parrot.

02/04/17 15:35:47

And the crowd went

28/03/17 14:17:50

Fiddling on the roof

24/03/17 20:20:11

Dave was discovering there are strings attached to being a woman

12/03/17 21:06:47

The brains of the outfit had an easy ride, the others had to walk.

08/03/17 13:53:58

Buttercream fingers!

21/02/17 21:30:32

Splat-a-cake, splat-a-cake... 🎵

21/02/17 21:22:37

For keeping the fans at bay there was no-one better than his wife

19/02/17 21:09:57

It's always best to secure the windows, if you catch my drift

28/01/17 12:03:39

The lady in the brown coat had wet herself with excitement... Apparently it was the President's socks appeal that caused it!

25/01/17 18:30:47

'Is it half time yet? I'm spitting feathers...'

11/01/17 21:08:43

Winstoned

10/01/17 20:36:01

"Oh yes, Kenny! I'd love to be in a saucy seaside postcard. What do I have to do?"

09/01/17 21:27:39

Leave your hat on...

31/12/16 9:03:22

I'll skip this picture if you don't mind

17/12/16 20:11:56

Squat d'y'all mean 'I need to exercise mo?' Squat d'ya think I'm doin' here?

16/12/16 20:52:49

This store has an excellent pest control section

15/12/16 10:15:06

If the Cobblers looked like that round our way the men would be extremely well shod!

02/12/16 13:35:59

Benny Hill's lovechild grabs the headlines in New York!

18/11/16 13:41:23

John was the envy of many men. He had a fit bird who wore nowt but eyeliner.

03/11/16 20:42:09

'Think I'll try the spare ribs'

17/10/16 19:01:02

The walk to the shower block hardly seemed worth it

12/10/16 7:12:00

Celia's fascinator really stood out amongst the crowd

07/10/16 7:06:23

"'When I said boots'll sort it', I meant the chemist!"

23/09/16 15:56:03

Nice iron. She was impressed.

14/09/16 15:56:59

"Ban all cars! More jobs for horses!"

10/09/16 19:49:12

They had huge expectations of the Fountain of Youth.

08/09/16 19:00:35

Ring o ring o robots

08/09/16 7:26:15

Extreme body contouring!

08/09/16 7:06:54

Shed load!

05/09/16 11:15:15

The Sandman cometh...

02/09/16 21:08:03

'When I see a spade I call it a... Jeez! It's a spade!'

01/09/16 18:52:17

'I wooden fret over losing my capo!'

31/08/16 19:37:06

Plague of safety-conscious beetles infests London NW8!

30/08/16 8:30:41

"Seymour?"
"Yes, please," said Batman.

02/01/25 20:11:01

"Glad you could make it for your 6 monthly ketchup."

31/12/24 20:46:26

"I see your problem, luv... You've employed a platypus."

29/12/24 8:07:38

"What are we doing today, Mrs Bush?"
"Touch up my roots, lop a bit off and generally spruce me up."

03/12/24 8:17:09

"Is Sir ready to order?"
"Yes, I'd like a pooched egg, followed by the Caninelloni."

28/11/24 8:31:42

He's having quins

11/11/24 12:14:54

🎵 My body lies over the ocean 🎵

04/11/24 12:05:57

"You can't park there, mate."
"BOGOF!"

03/11/24 8:27:10

"Sandra, you wouldn't be trying to soften the blow of your abysmal sales figures with that catnip, would you?"

30/10/24 20:24:17

"Aw c'mon, let's go play outside and make crop circles."

16/10/24 19:25:59

X

03/10/24 11:15:41, edited: 03/10/24 11:16:58

"Single to Piccadilly Circus, please."

03/10/24 7:01:11

People carrier

28/09/24 7:25:27

Just get down to the business.

26/09/24 11:52:19

Too many calories. I prefer Windolean.

23/09/24 7:16:31

It's a dust mite.

10/09/24 19:45:47, edited: 10/09/24 19:48:19

"Then he asked if my carpet matches the drapes...hahahahahah"

02/09/24 12:46:39

Unexpected baggage in the item area

02/09/24 7:21:53

"Yeah, saw him in Tesco buying Olay Regenerist face cream."

26/08/24 19:12:10

"Say ARRGH!"

25/08/24 19:22:16

"No, I can't give you a lift you daft cow."

24/08/24 7:16:45

You've got femail

20/08/24 7:16:33

"Erm Frosty,...the gents are on the left there."

13/08/24 11:06:23, edited: 13/08/24 11:06:47

"Game bird?"
"Well yes, it bought Ludo, Scrabble, Monopoly, Chess, Draughts, Mousetrap, Boggle, and Snakes and Ladders."

12/08/24 19:15:19

"Antony Gormley?"
"Steptoe & Son"

09/08/24 19:24:18

Baygal

03/08/24 7:02:24, edited: 03/08/24 7:22:31

Parked and tie-died

26/07/24 7:11:27

"I'm all for social inclusion but I draw the line at hybrid bagpipes."

05/07/24 7:52:45

"Dunno... Maybe a plié for help."

28/06/24 7:31:53, edited: 28/06/24 7:34:14

WHERE ARE THEY NOW - BILL AND BEN

Bill and Weed settled in Surrey, making commercials for shopping channels. Ben lives reclusively with a gnome in Wales.

23/06/24 7:33:14, edited: 23/06/24 7:34:38

The little dog wasn't laughing when she landed on him

19/06/24 7:03:09, edited: 19/06/24 7:03:40

🎵 In love with this shaaaaade of ewe 🎵 Sang the Red Shearin' fans.

16/06/24 12:21:54

We'll soon see how good he is when I give his ladder a little shake, thought Dave.

13/06/24 7:09:53, edited: 13/06/24 7:10:29

"...and when the stylist finished we all clapped and cheered."

12/06/24 8:20:54

Incobnito

05/06/24 7:03:54

A feast for the eyes.

27/05/24 7:35:58

Savvy Yorkshire youngster saves a fortune by rolling up her own paper

24/05/24 7:14:44, suggested edits

"I'm only having the one. I don't want any points on my licence, I'm squeaky clean."

08/05/24 7:30:57

Are they peeonies?

04/05/24 7:33:09

🎵 Must have bin love 🎵

29/04/24 13:30:47

It takes a blooming long time to dry.

16/04/24 12:13:07

"That bottom drawer is just the place to keep my boomerangs," thought Ozzy.

10/04/24 7:21:45

🎵 It was a Goodyear for the Rosie

09/04/24 7:05:54

'Well, he doesn't mind the mess,' thought Nelly. 'He's a keeper.'

07/04/24 19:22:40, edited: 07/04/24 19:26:57

"What are you doing... Julian?"

04/04/24 11:03:53, edited: 04/04/24 11:04:30

'That's everything tidied away. Now what else was I supposed to be doing?'

01/04/24 19:16:56

She was later disqualified as she was over the legal limit for catnip.

30/03/24 20:16:33

"That's nothing! You should see the belly pork dancers."

27/03/24 15:46:26

"Would you like a hand with that, Dave?" asked Tina

26/03/24 20:06:36

"...and that's how the Swiss put holes in their cheese."

25/03/24 20:27:28

"I'm really regretting opting for a helmet full. Perhaps we should've had a cup."

20/03/24 12:51:00

"Darling, when you said you wanted a walnut floor covering..."

12/03/24 20:18:43

Meeting your childhood idol can be very uplifting

28/02/24 13:26:25

-"Psss, psss, psss, here pretty little kitty. Come to the crazy cat lady..."
-"Piss off, Fido! You don't fool me, you idiotic hound," said Mittens.

24/02/24 14:42:42

Helen wondered what Henry had eaten yesterday. "Bloody hell, Henry, you're shitting a human!"

14/02/24 8:12:11

Drawers attention

12/02/24 20:13:37