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	For the smouldering femme fatale 15/02/19 8:30:19	5

	"Dave, get rid of it. I said I wanted a big, showy plant." 21/01/19 9:00:47	5

	🎵 Run Carrot, run Carrot. Run! Run! Run! 🎵 31/12/18 12:52:33	5

	"Why are you wearing those darned things?" 29/12/18 14:05:52	5

	The sign reads: CAUTION - I know nothing about this, the dick sitting next to me set this up but I am going to jump up suddenly and using no hands, remove this train window. 14/12/18 21:47:00	5

	The bench was quite correct. It would have been rude to comment on the unfortunate witch's crash landing. 25/11/18 20:11:26	5

	"We'd better hide up here, mother's a bit grizzly this morning." 02/11/18 8:15:09	5

	"SHAAAARON!" wailed Ozzy. "I've got my nose caught." 31/10/18 8:14:17	5

	"This is Matt, my new boyfriend. I love his rugged good looks." 27/10/18 11:52:00	5

	Party bags 15/10/18 7:21:24	5

	Santa's spittle helper 14/10/18 20:12:45	5

	Sharon's weight had recently ballooned 29/09/18 7:26:00	5

	It can be so dangerous wearing flip flops 07/09/18 19:18:05	5

	- "Hello, everyone." - "HYGIENE." 29/08/18 12:21:12	5

	"If you want a lift, just give us a ring" 24/08/18 12:09:22	5

	For turd class despatches 04/06/18 19:22:19	5

	No-one likes a twosie in their onesie 07/05/18 19:39:58	5

	"Don't be so silly! Daleks don't need a wee." 25/04/18 19:41:25	5

	"That's the cat who got the cream... the pies, the cakes and the biscuits." 17/03/18 20:42:52	5

	Hairy, sullen, monosyllabic - Bubbles was very disappointed with his date. 14/03/18 20:42:59	5

	creative Andy gently removed wax from Sarah's ear hole 07/03/18 14:49:03	5

	GRRRR...!! YAP...! KA-BOW WOW...!!! WOOF...!!! 30/01/18 14:46:13	5

	She's a bit of a mall-teaser 26/01/18 22:27:33	5

	Nobody, nobody, was gonna take Pooh's hunny. 11/01/18 13:43:32	5

	Gary Litter 05/01/18 16:12:01	5

	Greta Garbage 05/01/18 13:11:40	5

	'Just trying to stuff this in ma-caque hole' 09/12/17 14:38:37	5

	"Ice to see you, to see you ice" 24/11/17 20:05:56	5

	"Darth, would you please stop lording it over the Dr Who range?" 09/09/17 8:22:36	5

	"I'll soon get us through, Jane, look in your bag for that penknife" 03/08/17 12:27:50	5

	'About as close as I'll get to a long-legged, long-necked bird draped over my bonnet' 13/07/17 8:46:47	5

	"Beam me back up Scotty and select anywhere except Manchester." 01/07/17 20:04:08	5

	"If you fancy a beer sometime, give us a ring?" 13/06/17 9:26:11	5

	Vermeer's muse - the girl with the dangly thing 08/06/17 20:00:48	5

	"Is this your car?" "Yes, it's Meowdi." 09/04/17 13:08:53	5

	Bob's weight had suddenly ballooned 20/02/17 8:14:50	5

	Sorry but I can't see you tonight. I'm washing my windows. 18/02/17 20:28:19	5

	"Now that's how to make a grand entrance" 07/02/17 13:57:52	5

	Dave would beheading off to the body shop shortly. 28/01/17 20:01:35	5

	That's odd, I don't recall this episode of The Borrowers 26/01/17 18:27:34	5

	Dave needed to get rid of his Christmas spare tyre. He knew just the place. 18/01/17 8:08:29	5

	In gob we trust 07/01/17 8:49:03	5

	Cuboyed 07/11/16 9:11:52	5

	Lay-bye-byes 06/11/16 12:59:45	5

	At least one of the hairy bikers' diets had worked! 03/11/16 20:04:12	5

	lol Ian tried in vain to break Andrea's obsession with caption.me. "Must caption, must caption!" cried Andrea. 30/10/16 8:19:08	1 5
So you are the fly! xxx --Andrea Hickling
	Celia had misunderstood the invitation to go dogging 18/10/16 19:05:02	5

	All this way and then he realised he'd forgotten to change out of his pyjamas 10/10/16 13:05:40	5

	Her 'slacks' were anything butt 06/10/16 13:02:45	5

	The Little Toy Shop of Horrors! 11/09/16 7:30:58	5

	Proof that blokes CAN multi-task 03/09/16 7:47:56	5

	'Well, it worked on Blue Peter,' thought Dave. 28/12/24 20:02:55	4

	"ROAARGGGHH...rhwarrr...rhoawrr." (Google translation: Hey, excuse me, mister! You dropped this. Wait...) 15/12/24 14:24:09, edited: 15/12/24 14:34:47	4

	Vanessa lives there. She's got money to burn. 01/11/24 8:21:19	4

	Perry won the lookout job by a neck. 24/10/24 7:03:17	4

	They draw a large crowd, they're a poplar team. 17/10/24 20:00:46	4

	"It's a special design feature which allows pets to see their owners at all times." 12/10/24 7:37:13	4

	The Chairman of The Naff West Bank was pleased to announce that strategies to reduce withdrawals have been very successful. 11/10/24 11:34:11	4

	"Nobody panic," said Dave. "It can't run fast, it's only got seven legs." 07/10/24 7:08:01	4

	That's how it became a seven inch 05/10/24 7:52:15	4

	Most of us start at the bottom 26/09/24 11:44:53	4

	"So I've definitely got the dishwashing job then?" 12/09/24 7:50:57, edited: 12/09/24 9:15:56	1 4

	It took several hours to get free but on the positive side he didn't go hungry. 03/09/24 7:54:07	4

	Bin numbers 2, 5 and 8 weren't invited to be in the photo. They weren't put out. 01/09/24 11:52:10	4

	It must be Mogmanay 25/08/24 11:14:40	4

	That was some pizza pie 17/08/24 19:01:11	4

	"You've reached your destination." 15/08/24 19:15:40	4

	Is this because I said you're too young for tongue piercing?" 09/08/24 11:25:18	4

	"It's Harry and Meghan at the door. Pretend we're out!" 06/08/24 19:20:41	4

	"PINK FLAMINGO FOR NATIONAL BIRD. DOWN WITH BALD EAGLES! VOTE PINK FLAMINGO..." 09/07/24 7:25:52	4

	Whatever you do don't ask her to shake her maracas... 08/07/24 19:07:17	4

	🎵 Don't stop one now 🎵 29/06/24 19:04:17, edited: 29/06/24 19:05:17	4

	lol "...and that's how I became a demon xylophone player." 28/06/24 19:04:59	4

	"You can't have it all to yourself... Move, ova!" 27/06/24 11:27:18	4

	Play School has a lot to answer for. 20/06/24 7:09:49	4

	"You're better with Allinson's - 'Snout taken out'." 05/06/24 7:16:51	4

	"He's whizzing along." 31/05/24 19:12:14	4

	"We'll really blow their minds if we get out the record player." 10/05/24 19:29:33, edited: 10/05/24 19:33:51	4

	"Anyone fancy a little Mexican?" 01/05/24 7:06:25	4

	"He's one of those fancy cross breeds. He doesn't bark but OMG he can fart!" 27/04/24 12:01:54	4

	creative "Hee hee...Felix, hit the loose slat...NOW!" 26/04/24 11:44:31, edited: 26/04/24 11:49:58	4

	"Hey, Bob! I'll swap you this lovely orange for that Mars Bar..." 13/04/24 7:22:23	4

	"It's lovely, Dave, but you'll have to send it back. It's got no taps." 31/03/24 7:27:53	4

	Douwe Egghead 27/03/24 8:29:04	4

	Council requires photographic evidence to stem flood of pothole damage claims 13/03/24 20:09:49	1 4

	"Hey, mate. Lend us your coat...I'm friesian." 13/03/24 8:21:16, edited: 13/03/24 8:24:23	4

	Designed by Juan Hugh Gemelon. 08/03/24 12:13:10, edited: 08/03/24 12:24:52, suggested edits	4

	Introducing Erica Clapped-Out with Windy Wendy and Edie Van Inhaler. 05/03/24 8:43:02, edited: 05/03/24 8:43:43	4

	"Oh, your pigeons are gonna love it, Jack." 03/02/24 20:24:35	4

	"It was a cold night so I decided to stay in and watch Killer Cats on the telly when in comes this weirdo and he starts helping himself to MY snacks. If he'd had one I might have let it go but he took FOUR! Well, I just lost it..." 03/02/24 8:50:33, edited: 03/02/24 8:50:54	4

	Tina's saving this one for later 30/01/24 8:56:05	4

	"Dave! Stop playing with your food." 19/01/24 12:42:33	4

	"...and he had the seat right next to me." 15/01/24 12:32:32	4

	Dave. Winner of the competition to Build the World's Largest Trombone. 08/01/24 12:14:55	4

	"I don't think they'll stick together for long." 20/12/23 8:29:55	4

	She's attracted to men who are good in the sack. 12/12/23 8:51:59	4

	"Are you gonna tell her you don't like sweetcorn?" 08/12/23 8:47:15	4

	"I've found the soap, mum. Don't get into a lather." 22/11/23 8:05:27	4

	"You're gonna be rich, Dave... Zorbing for dogs, brilliant." 20/11/23 8:04:48	4

	Carving a career in IT 09/11/23 8:43:29	4