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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	63	27	52	#6	46	116	#2	13965	33640	#4
Comments	14	5	4	#3	5	4	#3	1455	1692	#4
Suggested Edits	2							7	6	#11
Photos
Forum Posts								13

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	31	#10	47	#5	14130	#16
Comments	2	#5	1	#7	1205	#7
Suggested Edits	1	#1			21	#3
Photos			2	#5	681	#29
Forum Posts

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	''How much do you weigh?'' ''Don't tell him, pike.'' 15/12/19 12:23:58	11

	I can't think of a caption. I'm hoopless at puns. 13/12/19 8:03:06	11

	''You've got face on your egg.'' 24/11/19 12:03:10	11

	''And I've got a heavenly body.'' 21/11/19 20:23:34	11

	''Are you The Laughing Cow?'' ''Not after reading these f-cking captions.'' 01/11/19 8:25:48	5 11
Oh dairy me.. --stone face
	Height of fashion 15/10/19 19:02:37	11

	Salvation Army 12/07/19 7:18:07	11

	''This is only the first, madam. There's going to be a packet of them.'' 29/05/19 11:17:44	11

	''Spoke On The Water'' 24/05/19 19:09:27	1 11

	''Don't worry, the picture will come back when the wind gets up.'' 15/05/19 11:01:36	11

	''Sorry, I can't speak at the moment. I have a frog in my throat.'' 10/05/19 11:05:28	11

	creative Outside line 08/05/19 7:00:26	11

	''I'm sorry, Jesus, we've run out of wine.'' ''Don't worry. It's not a problem.'' 07/05/19 11:07:20	11

	''Darling, why didn't you use the Rolls?'' 02/05/19 11:02:03	11

	''Well done, Chris. You bastard.'' 02/04/19 7:06:32	11

	Twin Beaks 17/02/19 8:00:32	11

	''It's one of The Joker's traps, Batman. This is Norfolk.'' 29/01/19 8:02:34	1 11
Norfolk 'n beautiful women --Mr Dome
	''I've just tested him for cat nip, Sarge. He's well over the limit.'' 23/08/18 7:29:33	1 11

	''An Even Better Day Out'' - Wallace & Gromit 01/08/18 11:12:05	11

	Brushing twice a day helps prevent bum disease. 28/07/18 20:29:14	1 11
And irritable vowel syndrome. --Karyn Harrison
	I knew she would never finish that jumper. 16/06/18 7:07:23	11

	Headbutt 03/06/18 7:18:10	11

	🎵 Ghouls just wanna have fun 🎵 28/09/24 7:17:36, edited: 28/09/24 7:18:01	10

	creative x2 "Wait, what does this writing say? Oh, 'Buzz waz here'." 07/09/24 6:59:20, edited: 07/09/24 7:34:24, suggested edits	2 10
Sorry, think I pinched Karyn's Find. Love this theme. Have suggested a shortened version, but will not be offended if you reject it ;) --James Lennox
	Cream if you want to go faster. 29/07/24 11:01:11	10

	''It was a mistake letting Dave go for the ice creams.'' 26/07/24 7:27:00	10

	''Sorry, mate, I can't do the plumbing for you. I'm not corgi registered.'' 01/07/24 7:38:19	10

	''What first attracted you to her, Kojak?'' 28/06/24 19:18:24, edited: 28/06/24 19:22:09	2 10

	''We can't eat these fish. I've found traces of Mercury in them.'' 07/06/24 7:05:33, edited: 07/06/24 7:24:33	10

	Plays some blues and country but prefers garage. 31/05/24 7:05:37	10

	''This could be my lucky day.'' 24/04/24 7:03:45	1 10

	''He's absolutely flown out of the blocks.'' 22/04/24 11:05:03	10

	He got eight out of ten for his homework. 18/04/24 19:14:20, edited: 18/04/24 19:36:54	2 10

	The Codfather 02/04/24 7:15:10, edited: 02/04/24 7:22:14	10

	''I told you it was a mistake to let Dave steal the getaway truck.'' 31/03/24 11:20:23	1 10

	''Was it a good journey?'' ''Yes, I ran over three cats.'' 01/03/24 12:28:11, edited: 01/03/24 12:33:36	10

	So that's what the rest of James Lennox's body looks like. 27/02/24 12:16:39	1 10
Sorry, Dave. It's been a pig of a week and I've missed a few captions. Would obviously have voted for this ;) --James Lennox
	''Is this the queue for the new NHS dentist?'' ''NHS dentist! Which planet are you living on?'' 27/02/24 12:11:55	10

	''If you don't keep still, you're going to ruin it.'' 24/01/24 16:38:55	10

	''Can we go home now, dad? I'm beginning to flag.'' 09/01/24 20:05:48	10

	''You look shell-shocked, darling.'' 20/12/23 12:06:29	10

	''Believe me, Sandra, there's absolutely no possibility that Santa will miss our house.'' 01/12/23 8:04:46	10

	''The bathroom and kitchen are sparkling clean but I'm not happy about your prostate.'' 24/11/23 12:11:59	10

	''Don't jump, you've just got a vote.'' 20/11/23 20:07:37	10

	''I was reading in the local paper, Bert, that they're bringing in bins with wheels on them.'' ''Really? I can't see how that will make them any easier to carry.'' 31/10/23 8:10:05, edited: 31/10/23 8:20:51	10

	''Dave, you're nearly forty. It's time you left the nest.'' 30/10/23 13:20:46	10

	''Can't you read, guys, this toilet is closed for a private event.'' 21/10/23 19:30:55	1 10

	Removing some of Dave's facial hair on his stag night was fine but they went too far when they chopped off his ear. 24/09/23 11:23:20	10

	''Game, set and match.'' 10/09/23 11:00:39	10

	''Are they made with linen?'' ''No, they are Silk Cut.'' 23/08/23 7:09:10, edited: 23/08/23 7:09:37	10

	Men Behaving Sadly 16/08/23 19:49:25	10

	''Bill, that's the third couple who have just walked straight out. I'm beginning to think you don't really want to sell the house.'' 08/08/23 7:27:51	10

	Mini Driver 23/05/23 7:16:45	10

	''Don't drink any more of that, Charles. I don't want you cracking tampon jokes in front of the archbishop.'' 05/05/23 11:23:59	10

	Scary Poppins 07/04/23 19:00:45	10

	''On second thoughts it would be a shame to wake her,'' said the Prince. 07/04/23 7:05:34, edited: 07/04/23 7:15:43	10

	''Will the toilet flush properly?'' ''It should do. Wetherspoons have got the biggest chain in the UK.'' 06/03/23 12:19:01	10

	clever I got them from Amazon. 17/01/23 8:11:24	10

	It gets cold on the bike so I usually put a goat on. 01/01/23 8:00:10	10

	lol ''I haven't quite finished making a mess but if you follow me into the living room I can show you one I made earlier.'' 23/11/22 20:35:43, edited: 23/11/22 20:37:38	10

	''It's such a tragic loss.'' ''Yes, he was carrying the sandwiches.'' 20/11/22 8:21:36	10

	''Can you leave that, Dave, and start the barbecue. Dorothy will be dropping by any minute.'' 09/11/22 20:38:06	10

	''I didn't like Rex when we first got him but he's grown on me.'' 08/11/22 8:44:07	10

	''If anyone has problems getting onto the stage, please ask a steward to give you a hand up.'' 16/10/22 11:31:12	10

	''I'm cold, daddy.'' ''Stop moaning and put a coat on.'' 17/09/22 7:11:24, edited: 17/09/22 7:14:11	10

	''Hello, Mr Wolf. I've never noticed it before but with all that facial hair you're a dead ringer for my nan.'' 26/08/22 7:05:54	10

	clever L'eau pressure shower unit 02/08/22 19:54:48, edited: 02/08/22 20:05:59	10

	''I'll have a fatte, please.'' 02/08/22 11:35:53	10

	''How considerate of our leader. The 'X' is already printed on the ballot paper.'' 22/07/22 19:42:14	10

	''This fast food tastes like plastic.'' ''You've just eaten half the kid's toy, Dave.'' 08/07/22 19:10:02	10

	''I'm sorry, Albert, but that doesn't prove you are entitled to a pudding without eating your sprouts.'' 04/06/22 7:34:51	10

	Chris Beach makes one last desperate attempt to sell a few copies of the 2022 Captioneer Calendar. 12/05/22 7:18:31	10

	''Get a life, you sad bastards. Join caption.me!'' 26/04/22 19:01:34	1 10

	''I met her on 'inevertalkduringmatchoftheday.com'.'' 17/04/22 11:10:19	10

	''I'm arresting you for taking part in an illegal gathering. Have you anything to say?'' ''Would you like a pay rise this year?'' 07/02/22 20:03:20	10

	In China it's the number two best selling tea. 31/01/22 8:19:19	10

	Every family faces the same problem over Christmas dinner. Not everyone can have a leg. 28/12/21 8:05:45	10

	They planned the whole thing together. She received a life sentence for murder and the squirrel got five years for burying the body. 01/12/21 12:03:07	10

	''At £250 a pair they aren't cheap but I suppose you have to take inflation into account.'' 27/11/21 20:23:47	10

	''Your tits are like captioneers in search of bad jokes, darling.'' ''What do you mean?'' ''One can't be sure how low they will go.'' 25/11/21 12:04:46	1 10
At this rate she'll be wearing her boobs as slippers --Glyn Evans
	''I don't know what all the fuss is about. We get hit and bruised every day at Bedford Care Home.'' 11/10/21 7:19:44	7 10
I've never been to a funeral where no-one laughs.Sorry but we need to laugh even at the saddest of times. --Barrie Bullock
	lol BUSINESS NEWS Toilet roll sales plummet as The Andrex Spider fails to connect with the public. 10/10/21 19:02:50	10

	''What are you waiting for, Mary?'' ''A decent caption.'' ''Did you bring a packed lunch?'' 06/10/21 7:17:00	1 10
She's gonna need a fishing pole. --Scrijjy Doo
	Gastropub 04/10/21 11:26:30	10

	''Tina, that's the 25th photo you've had taken with him this week.'' 02/10/21 19:27:21	2 10
Was a bit quick in seeing the photo and reading the text.. and read "them" instead of "him" and thought Tina was the woman on the left? Lol --Guideaux .
	clever ''We're very sad he's died. Good dogs are thin on the ground.'' 25/09/21 7:23:42	10

	''You bears look tired and depressed.'' ''There's three of us living in a one room council flat, kid. Believe me, life's no picnic.'' 18/09/21 7:08:20	2 10
Concrete. That's a different kind of sh!t. --Willie Johnson
	''Be careful, officer, he may have a water pistol.'' 13/09/21 7:01:08	10

	''How many times do I have to tell you? Leave the drinks and take the cash.'' OnAdventureWithDadInLiverpoolCityCentre 11/09/21 7:02:02	10

	''I may be a bear but I'm not f-cking stupid. This is the third time we've gone past that building.'' 03/09/21 11:18:27	10

	''I'm only prepared to give you four euros for the baby. It's soiled.'' 13/08/21 7:01:59	10

	Nappy hour 12/08/21 19:36:33	10

	CHRISTMAS PANTO - THE PRINCESS AND THE UNICORN ''He's behind you!'' ''That's a good try children but try and be a little bit quicker next time.'' 05/08/21 19:23:43	10

	''Are those squirrels using lightsabres?'' ''Yes, they can't lift the heavysabres.'' 09/07/21 7:05:54	10

	''She's not very attractive, Dave.'' ''True, but she keeps quiet while the Euros are on.'' 18/06/21 7:30:56	10

	Rear of the Weir Competition 14/06/21 19:34:41	10

	''Your wife phoned to say she will be in later. At the moment she's having a few celebratory drinks with the girls.'' 18/05/21 7:01:28	1 10
I went into hospital a couple of weeks before my due date and was feeling quite sorry for myself. It really didn't help when one of the nurses announced "Your partner's just rung to say he won't be coming in tonight because he's playing five... --Karyn Harrison
	''Was that the door, darling?'' ''Yes, I think it's something from Amazon.'' 14/05/21 11:00:12	10

	''This has deterred invaders for many years....... and the wall came in useful as well.'' 21/04/21 7:03:14	2 10
It de-turd invaders too. --Troompa Loompa
	Jane gets her first super vote. 25/03/21 8:01:30	10

more captions

last comments (total: 936)

Congratulations, Dave!

:^)

Crunchy

Crunchy Chords

01/10/24
2:50pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Excellent caption Dave! Well done!

KT A

01/10/24
3:10pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Well done, Dave. Well deserved. Your wife and kids sent their congratulations too.

Al Overy

01/10/24
6:34pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Ha ha, yeah Dave. It was ironic that my tortoise caption got off to an early lead, only to be run down by your beer caption wink You deserved the win, though, and kudos for contributing back to the site 👍

James Lennox

01/10/24
7:29pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Thank you, Kathleen. Good suggestion.

(caption author)

03/10/24
6:59am

comment on caption:
De-parting is such sweet sorrow. [Dave Bryan]

Some years ago, a new dentist had the radio playing in his surgery when I visited - it was playing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?".

Molly R

28/10/24
8:38am

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

They can't make you cry though as they have laughing gas 🤔

Glyn Evans

28/10/24
9:31am

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

Furthermore, what could be quite fun would be if they had laughing gas sing-a-long championships

Imagine trying to contain yourself whilst singing "Everybody hurts", "Candle in the Wind" or even "Gloomy Sunday" 😂

Glyn Evans

28/10/24
1:28pm

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

It can’t be Harris I can’t see a cabbage.

[anon]

09/11/24
7:38pm

comment on caption:
BREAKING NEWS Trump picks his new team. [Dave Bryan]

Many thanks for the suggestion, Kathleen, but I think the Hank Mizell song is more in keeping with the aggressive rock attitude of the chimp than the insipid Jingle Bell Rock.

(caption author)

Saturday
9:26am

comment on caption:
🎵 It was a jungle, jungle, jungle, jungle rock 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

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