It was at this moment that Tammy realised she was Davy-Bob's third favourite wife.

06/02/23 20:01:16

"Dude, I think we underestimated the distance from the lifeguard tower to the sea."

25/01/23 20:13:35, edited: 25/01/23 20:41:15

"Credit where credit's due, the witches are taking this very well ... Light 'em up!"

16/01/23 20:05:48

"If you inject Synthol your body will swell to absurd proportions, you'll develop multiple oil filled cysts, and your muscles will eventually become rock hard functionless masses."

"Ok, Doc, but what are the downsides?"

20/12/22 8:53:22

"Hee hee hee. Now everyone will think a shark did this poo."

13/12/22 8:36:57

The Empire Strikes a Match

11/12/22 12:01:27, edited: 11/12/22 12:26:12

Big




paws.

19/11/22 8:44:21

"So, how was your your first day as a pool-boy, Dave?"

"Ok, but tomorrow I'll probably use chlorine instead of sulfuric acid."

19/10/22 7:04:39, edited: 19/10/22 7:27:46

Press Club 7

18/10/22 11:55:43

*Ding Dong*

"Could all those passengers that bitched about the short walk across the tarmac to the awaiting bus please disembark now."

02/10/22 7:06:39

Nothing says 'Save-the-planet-hippie' like a 1969 Volkswagen Combi running on 2 cylinders and getting 5 miles to the gallon.

18/09/22 7:17:32

"Listen, I've never lost a game of musical chairs in my life, so just stand up, bitch."

15/09/22 7:17:53

creative

"Mate, that thing looks really phallic. Ever thought of wearing a toupée?"

11/09/22 7:04:35, edited: 11/09/22 7:12:26

"I know we're too poor to have a decent funeral, mum, but dad's bloody heavy."

01/09/22 19:26:35

"Hello, could you spare a cup of hot water?"

01/09/22 19:12:36

Puss in Roots

[Anyone else ever immediately regretted writing a caption?]

25/08/22 19:10:48, edited: 25/08/22 19:27:58

"Bugger this. 2 hours finding an outfit that doesn't make my butt look big, and I end up seated next to that skinny bitch in the white shorts."

23/08/22 9:03:59

I preferred the prequel: "No Sh*t - Your Holistic Guide to Constipation"

18/08/22 7:09:59

Here mum's the bride.

10/07/22 12:15:20

"Ha ha, this wheel torture doesn't even hurt."

"You might change your mind when we insert the axle."

05/07/22 19:11:37

I swear to God, if "Mousekeeper" gets votes I'll start writing *captions* on pun.me

28/06/22 7:00:10

"That prick Schrödinger will never find me here."

01/06/22 12:39:10

Family holidays and an urge to commit suicide pretty much go hand in hand.

28/05/22 7:59:43

"Very enthusiastic audition, Pat, but I think we're going to cast The Tramp."

07/05/22 19:01:02

"Worst hangover ever. My head is nagging and it feels like a spike has been driven through my brain."

20/04/22 7:03:19

"Sir Isaac Newton? Steve Jobs? One of the Seven Dwarfs?"

9 out of 10 humans fail the Turing test.

12/04/22 11:25:14

"Hi, I'm Dave. My hobbies include relaxing in car boots and torturing flowers."

11/04/22 8:52:40

"This game sucks. I wish the dogs would let us play poker with them."

31/03/22 11:20:33

"Hello, Fashion Police? I'd like to report a crime in progress."

23/03/22 12:45:43

The elephant in the spume.

22/03/22 8:01:05

Once again, Beryl's extraordinary peripheral vision saves her from a kamikaze lobster.

21/02/22 20:30:33

Rumour has it that when Davy Jones moved from England to America it raised the average IQ of both countries.

09/02/22 20:24:30

As if getting stuck in a box wasn't embarrassing enough, Mittens also had to suffer the indignity of being sexually assaulted by a passing German shepherd.

06/02/22 8:34:18

creative

"To get to the heart of the Labyrinth you must first solve this riddle ... BURGGHGRHHH! ... Sorry, acid reflux."

31/01/22 20:14:00

"So, Dave, our wives seem to be enjoying the switch, how are you enjoying your handjob?"

"Meh..."

11/01/22 20:09:10

Oh crap, I've just realised my original caption contained an Australasian term and was probably meaningless to all you folk on the north side of the globe, so I've erased it. On the bright side, tomorrow when you all are waking up to a busy Christmas day I'll already be drunk.

Merry Christmas, have a good one

23/12/21 20:42:37

"Oh crap, if only I hadn't eaten those extra 10,372 blades of grass."

10/12/21 8:14:58

And that was the last time Santa touched Rudolph inappropriately.

02/12/21 20:00:36

What husband was doing with squirrel remains unclear.

01/12/21 12:20:15

Ah, the good old days before Playstation.

17/11/21 20:04:41

"Ok, I take it back, your red suit doesn't look ridiculous, Santa."

11/11/21 8:28:12

First I have my arms amputated at the elbows, then I get attacked by a giant mosquito. Some days you just shouldn't get out of bed.

21/10/21 7:07:21

Every year in Rafael Nadal's hometown, one lucky señorita is crowned Miss Tennis Ball.

09/10/21 12:17:51

I don't blame you, kid, I think by now we all want to inject this guy full of strychnine.

20/09/21 7:11:29

"Are you ready with the tractor beam, X%5@f#j?"

"Yes, W5*u&Pq%y ... No, wait, it's that weirdo that endangers his kids. Leave him on earth."

10/09/21 7:13:06

Rex was able to do 42 different tricks, but he'd never quite got the hang of "Smile!"

01/09/21 19:05:01

"Houston, you have a problem."

29/08/21 7:06:11

"Yes, I've got a small penis, but at least I don't have a vagina that looks like a urinal."

25/08/21 7:22:47

"Hi, mum. Might be late home. Rafting trip didn't quite go as planned."

18/08/21 7:08:44

"Honey, this is supposed to be a romantic couple photo. Can you please take your finger out of my arse."

15/07/21 7:01:14

"So you 'slipped and landed on a banana' eh?"

08/07/21 19:01:14

"Darlene honey, I installed these here dishes just for you."

"Aww, Cletus, you already had me with the astroturf on the steps."

02/07/21 7:33:05

"Now, ma'am, can you point out the elephant who stole your peanuts?"

15/06/21 11:38:22

I find nothing unusual in this picture. Now, if the road workers had actually been working, then that would be shocking.

15/06/21 11:32:01

"I hope you're not doing anything humerus behind my back."

10/06/21 9:10:17

Cyclists AND Accordion Players, this must be the 5th Circle of Hell.

03/06/21 7:03:49

There must be an easier way to fry an egg.

21/05/21 7:02:25

"We're going to need a floatier boat."

07/05/21 19:41:49

When I met Tinkerbell I had exactly the same look on my face. It was one hell of a 40th birthday party.

03/05/21 7:01:52

"I captured your hair perfectly Geri, but then I started thinking of Victoria."

30/04/21 19:01:09

Dave's friends said that joining the cheerleaders would help him pick up chicks. Dave hates his friends.

29/04/21 19:38:51

We all remember where we were on that day: 13th March 2019 - The day Chris Keegan wrote the greatest caption in history.

25/04/21 7:15:59

Eventually Jim Henson realised they'd look better with a sock.

20/04/21 11:11:15

"Mittens had no chance in a box that size," lamented Schrödinger's other cat.

17/03/21 12:22:11

"Hi Babe, the doc says I'm dilated 10cm, we should probably get this ceremony over quick."

09/03/21 20:28:11

The first rule of fight club is stay the fuck away from Dave.

28/02/21 9:12:42

"I'm not pointing any wingtips, but somebody has eaten all the salmon."

06/02/21 20:12:57

"Remember when they said, 'Do you want 2 testicles or 14?' and we were both like, 'Yeah, give me 14!'"

03/02/21 8:39:37

Dave loves Indian, but unfortunately it doesn't agree with him.

18/01/21 13:23:34

Don't touch the 2020 vintage, it was a shit year.

13/01/21 20:16:28

"Hey, warn me before you reverse the image!"

08/01/21 16:40:19

Nobody understands German porn, not even the Germans.

06/01/21 12:19:37

When I was little my dad used visual aids to help explain the birds and the bees. I'm 48 now and still a virgin.

28/12/20 20:16:45

I only get my leg over once a year too.

25/12/20 20:48:12

Hitchhiker's Guide to a Gaelic City

18/12/20 21:53:32

... but on the day of their scheduled neutering, Rufus and Rover were nowhere to be found.

09/12/20 20:13:05

"God, you are so wonderful, and glorious, and great!"

"Achoo! Shit, sorry mate."

20/11/20 8:20:26

Sci-Porn sounded promising, but "Doctor Whore" was a train wreck.

09/11/20 20:54:47

Like the frilled lizard, Popes are easily startled.

31/10/20 20:01:48

These puns are getting sealier and sealier.

26/10/20 12:28:20

"Does anyone know CPR? Black Beauty's not looking so good."

29/09/20 19:13:03

"It's a lovely day for a drive in the country ... I just wish I could get out of reverse."

29/09/20 11:00:12

The Cat in the Hut

09/09/20 12:48:17

"It's OK Dave, mistakes happen, but next time use a little less pressure on the chest pumping."

18/08/20 19:19:32

"Finally I can sniff knickers in public and nobody will notice."

15/08/20 19:15:08

Poor Robert Downey Jr. Whenever he goes out in public people recognise him, even when he's wearing a disguise.

10/08/20 13:32:23

"My life sucks."

09/08/20 19:17:49

"Now I have to spend eternity taking a piss ... The least that sculptor could have done was cast me licking my balls."

01/08/20 7:10:49

There's really no need for a caption, Donald Trump is enough of a joke on his own.

01/07/20 7:13:33

Anthony Perkins had a relatively normal childhood.

16/06/20 19:18:52

Oh God, this is one of those dreams where I don't have any underwear on, isn't it?

27/05/20 7:05:07

"Now testing Corona vaccine #146 ... I'm going to call that one a fail."

19/05/20 19:14:20

ZZ Cop

12/05/20 11:03:01

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you really, really, really pleased to see me?"

10/05/20 19:43:46

"Yeah, is this Chris Beach? I'd like to make a complaint. I had a great cat and dog caption ready, but at the last minute the picture changed to some wanker on his cellphone."

08/05/20 7:13:23

After posting the exceptionally lifelike picture of his lost cat, little Johnny was commissioned by many local farmers.

18/04/20 7:05:10

I too remember teaching my Teddy Bear how to wank ... What? Just me?

17/04/20 7:04:53

Schrödinger was a right prick.

12/04/20 7:00:18

Dear Mr. Bean - Stop posting so many good captions or we'll turn up the heat on your children.

30/03/20 7:00:10

The Great British F*ck Off

[Nod 20:00:07]

20/03/20 20:09:49