creative

This one's drowned.Guess they weren't a witch after all

24/02/24 8:01:03

clever

Using the power of positive thinking to see the cup as half full rather than half empty

28/06/24 11:13:35

clever

A big fan of sausages

10/01/24 21:49:25

I tried to tell him how daft he looked in that outfit, but it was like talking to a brick wall

20/06/24 11:10:51

He's getting too big for his boot

10/08/24 19:06:41

Budgie snugglers

17/02/24 20:11:01

clever

I think this team needs a Shearer

12/08/24 11:02:20, edited: 12/08/24 11:03:00

I need a hand going down the stairs

02/05/24 19:01:09, edited: 02/05/24 19:01:53

They were riding at a gastronomical speed

08/09/24 11:04:10

Erm...Wizard of Oz, that's not the right place to put my heart

29/02/24 20:01:32

Birds of a feather frock together

10/07/24 19:15:39

Venus guy trap

20/06/24 19:00:26

Cockpet

01/03/24 8:08:14

lol

It's just a plop in the ocean

22/09/24 11:03:49

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I can't find a sodding vase so this cheese grater will have to do

19/08/24 11:03:50

Snow patrol

12/03/23 20:00:17

When the squirrel was later asked where he got all the gossip from, he said a little bird told him

09/09/24 19:03:10

🎵 Welcome to the house of bun 🎵

01/09/24 7:40:14

Apples and orangutans

08/08/24 11:08:57

He got into cigarettes at a young age

30/07/24 7:14:12

Don't worry, he won't be King for long. He's about to croak

29/07/24 7:14:08

Baby bloomer

25/07/24 19:04:27

clever

Well they definitely need a wedding shower

03/06/24 12:56:24, edited: 03/06/24 12:56:33

Tombrero

09/05/24 19:04:35

The wheels on the bus go hound and hound

01/03/24 12:17:56

Soul trader

08/04/23 7:00:10

As Paul hopped to the toilet he realised he'd have been better off if he'd put his prosthetic leg on first

20/03/23 8:00:54

Are the batteries free of charge?

31/01/23 12:32:20

Bear grills

22/08/24 7:00:31

🎶 Wok-ing in the air 🎶

31/07/24 7:07:33, edited: 31/07/24 7:10:20

Farts and crafts

24/07/24 19:04:11

Aikiddo

22/06/24 19:02:49

Now's not a good time - I'm in the middle of dinner

29/01/24 21:42:08

High tea

05/04/23 19:00:11

The Only Way Is Zzyzx

27/01/23 8:00:20

This is what happens when you wait until the cat's ready to get off your lap before you get up....

17/01/23 12:06:05

clever

Looks like he's running out of Ayr

08/01/23 12:23:38

Pizza Excess

04/01/23 20:38:45

Don't know where 2 , 5 and 8 have bin

01/09/24 11:01:21

He needs some common sense drilled into him

15/06/24 7:01:32

No wonder it's dirt cheap

13/06/24 11:14:29

Clown hall meeting

10/06/24 12:08:29

Meths and legends

15/04/24 19:18:11

That's the last time I listen to you when you tell me you found a big juicy worm for our tea

20/08/24 19:03:44

clever

The cat who got the cream

14/08/24 19:33:56

🎶 I only wanna pee with you 🎶

04/08/24 7:03:01

At least there wouldn't be a problem getting concrete evidence of the damage for the insurance claim

16/04/23 19:00:42

Cops and lobbers

12/03/23 20:20:37

The Hound Table

06/08/24 19:07:43

Network Fail

06/06/24 19:19:23

They did have the option of running with a giant potato instead, but took the easy root

02/06/24 11:09:54, edited: 02/06/24 11:10:50

Great salad. You've nailed it

06/02/24 20:04:52

Mary Poppins made a good nanny - she liked to be in charge

07/04/23 19:46:32

The traffic lights have turned ember

14/03/23 20:00:19

Piste-achio ice cream

16/01/23 12:00:29, edited: 16/01/23 12:04:46

Right, Mittens, we've got the line up ready, which one stole the pork chops?

26/08/24 11:07:23

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something mew

18/08/24 11:02:12, suggested edits

I think this is meant to put people off braking in and steeling

14/08/24 7:01:03

Gran Theft Auto

10/08/24 11:02:08, edited: 10/08/24 11:02:39

I asked for Ready Brek, not Bready Neck

03/08/24 7:03:39

Twinnings Tea

02/08/24 11:05:11

Air fryers

31/07/24 7:08:19

Baafocals

15/07/24 19:13:55

Rex, have you seen the cat?

01/07/24 7:07:28

Tusk, tusk

21/04/24 12:47:51

Splatte

26/02/24 20:19:03

Nowadays you'd have a doctor come and certify that they were dead, instead of just poking them with a stick to check for signs of life

24/02/24 8:17:32

Look what the cat plugged in

18/02/24 20:25:14

What's mew, pussycat

16/02/24 12:05:38

I can't get this window on my PC closed

04/02/24 12:01:25

Nodding off and Big Ears

07/04/23 7:01:27

Prickly eat

06/04/23 19:14:14

Stop in the name of the thaw!

12/03/23 20:04:47

The Three of Spades

26/02/23 12:43:14

Puss in Roots

12/10/24 12:08:01

🎵 Moon Rover 🎵

06/09/24 19:02:56, edited: 06/09/24 19:05:22

What a grate flower arrangement

19/08/24 11:01:16

Beauty and the Beasts

11/08/24 19:00:57

Does my butt look big in this?

30/07/24 7:47:02, edited: 30/07/24 7:47:23

Double gazing

25/07/24 7:04:10

Could be worse - at least she hasn't got crabs

13/07/24 19:06:31

My GPS is really accurate. It says bear straight ahead

11/07/24 11:00:46, edited: 11/07/24 11:00:54

Mexigran

08/07/24 19:13:46

Splitfire

26/06/24 19:03:11

Dave sensibly ran away before Tina realised he'd torn a huge strip off her dress

17/06/24 7:09:47

British Hairways

12/06/24 7:04:27

He was found guilty - the proof was in the pudding

23/04/24 19:18:54

Yeah, trying to disguise yourself as a human isn't going to get you out of that trip to the vet

24/02/24 15:21:45

Crop car

10/02/24 20:20:45

Embreadery

04/02/24 20:07:17

Mary Poppins was shocked by the weather

07/04/23 19:00:36

Stair of the dog

13/03/23 8:00:21

She's got a chip on her shoulder

26/02/23 8:09:12

clever

It's amazing how long Boris's hair is when it's properly combed instead of sticking up in the air in forty different directions

02/02/23 20:02:33

Cock a doodle dude

09/09/24 11:41:13

clever

Dave was starting to regret hiring the cheapest electrician

01/09/24 19:04:11

A right truck up

28/08/24 7:01:48

Now all he needs is an Iron Maiden

09/08/24 19:10:57

The underdog

06/08/24 19:00:50

These tools belonged to his naan

28/07/24 11:07:01