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Get your facts right. On entering Islamic Heaven every ISIS suicide bomber is entitled to 72 virgins. Let's face it, who would be arsed blowing themselves up for a mere 32 of them?

TERMS & CONDITIONS

This offer is not available to female suicide bombers.

31/08/21
7:44am

Back off. I reliably get my numbers factchecked by Diane Abbott.

(caption author)
31/08/21
1:02pm

72 or 32? What's a suicide bomber going to do with all those virgins?

Is it that 72 is the right number of leftover pieces of him that can be assigned to each virgin as a souvenir after he's detonated himself?

Or does blowing yourself up increase sex appeal, as it can attract 72 virgins every time?

If attraction's got nothing to do with it and the 72 virgins are given to every suicide bomber upon detonation, isn't that technically human trafficking? Would you really want to be involved with that?

Why can't it be 72 sexually adventurous and experienced individuals? Surely, that'd be more fun?

31/08/21
1:09pm

Surely only someone with no confidence in their capability would want a female as inexperienced as himself.
Oh I see.

[anon]
31/08/21
3:10pm

I bet he intends to impress the 72 virgins with his knowledge of explosives. "Hey ladies, look how I handle Semtex" It's important so the initiated suicide bomber can become a strong role model and that with the 72 virgins they can create future little suicide bombers together although they're all dead. Heaven (in a multi-religious sense) won't know what's hit it, a bit like Kabul.

Then again that's undermined because some of these suicide bombers don't make their own bombs, they're passed to them from others loyal to the cause or the guys that radicalised the bombers in the first place. Does that mean the radicalisers or the people that make the bombs independently get a share of the 72 virgins because they too have technically contributed to the final result?

31/08/21
7:21pm

Diane Abbott the odd shoe bomber

31/08/21
7:31pm

Due to unfortunate placement of the bomb (between his legs), he wasn't able to take advantage of one, let alone 32 or 72.

31/08/21
10:08pm

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