super vote: ( left this week)
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So the Guinness book record is 2753,currently you're on 51 Dave
Terry was known for his silly behaviour, but this was the final straw.
That one person who steals from McDonald's and thinks nobody has noticed
I think Dave's got a drinking problem..
"You can't take too many Covid tests, right Pete... Pete??"
You're at a Christmas house party. Been there for 2 hours and you're already absolutely hammered. You're in the kitchen and you need to get to the corridor so you can use the toilet as you think you're about to wet yourself. But oh no, Fat Sally is stood in the doorway under a bit of mistletoe that's been crudely attached with tape. Time to get creative...
"If I only had a brain." said the straw man.
"Okay that's enough, this tracheostomy training isn't going well doctor"
Just one plastic straw in a sea turtle's nostril will kill it, but Dave can do this and survive! That right there is definitive proof that humans are the most intelligent species on the planet.
"Do you want a drink, Dave?"
So, long sucker (Nod to Mon 20:01:16)
"What?" "Daaarrh dah diarhdera eh ergh ahrea" It's best not to have a mouthful of straws when you're trying to warn someone that there's a burglar in the house.
It all starts outside the front of the house. Hiding behind a tree, you wait for the cars to arrive and unload the passengers who look upset as they head inside. You wait for 4 minutes, this should provide adequate time for all people to make their way to the back room where they pour a drink and start nibbling on a sandwich. You then run down the side passage, burst through the back door and then do this......and that's how you ruin someone's wake.
"Try coughing now buddy."
''What happened, darling?'' ''I was walking past a little straw hut when a wolf appeared and took a deep breath.........''
BREAKING - Blow Football World Champion disqualified after allegations of cheating.
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