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"......why do we call him 'Dave the Chippy'? ... well it's nothing to do with his job, it's where you'll find him afterwards"

03/10/17 19:42:55

The cat that got the sour cream

22/08/17 11:03:20

lol

Lee was young and not yet wise to the ways of spotting which one of the ladies had farted.

11/08/17 13:06:55

With a sigh of resignation, Mary gazed up at yet another chimney that wasn't going to clean itself.

25/07/17 7:35:44

"I think this one may have been the ring leader Sir ..."

12/07/17 11:01:33

Eases the vowel movements

05/07/17 19:44:00

creative

Instructions to DUP for safe handling of Tory bung

27/06/17 7:43:08

Lavae Lamp

24/05/17 9:07:30

"He's behind Yew"

21/05/17 11:03:24

He never reached the heights of fame due to his vert-ego.

17/05/17 11:10:37

He said he's staying there until we win Eurovision.

13/05/17 20:00:11

Tim decided to change his act because he kept getting ribbed

07/05/17 11:27:15

In order to be here tonight, Steve had to blow out his Mates

07/05/17 11:25:50

lol

Taxi for Aaron Lennon

04/05/17 19:41:38

Call it a sixth sense ....... Dave suspected that Monica may know about him and Tina.

18/04/17 7:13:58

That moment you realise, you've forgotten your chopping list.

28/03/17 11:45:01

"Thank God for that ....... when you mentioned chocolate fingers I thought I was in for a prostate examination."

01/03/17 12:08:38

"Got any garage?"

22/02/17 8:18:57

Bees whacks

20/02/17 20:07:30

"They told me that exercise would get rid of the spare tyres ...."

17/02/17 12:03:11

Sundae stroll

09/02/17 12:34:40

"Set me back a few notes, that did."

07/02/17 12:10:51

He's OK but he looks a little drained.

06/02/17 9:05:03

I tried Converse, deck shoes, even Jesus sandals but I have decided to revert to type.

14/01/17 8:38:57

A mog of coffee

19/12/16 8:12:10

"Finally ...... a bloody broadband connection."

17/12/16 12:12:12

He was expecting a longer sentence.

13/12/16 20:15:05

"Shit ........... my hair's caught again."

12/12/16 20:48:52

Warning .... may induce anaphylactic shock to those with a nut allergy.

03/12/16 8:14:35

Customer feedback .......... "room's a little dingy".

30/11/16 12:37:47

"Not sure about these decorators you've booked love."

29/11/16 8:04:17

Bill didn't mind cleaning the chimneys, it was the uniform he wasn't sure about.

04/11/16 21:28:35

"Fucking Feng Shui consultant."

31/10/16 12:51:35

Trill seekers

27/10/16 11:12:09

Nora Watmore, UK 'hide and seek' champion 1927 - 1935.

25/10/16 11:13:07

To many, the twins were identical but Mike was a little dimmer

19/10/16 19:36:21

Emission impossible

19/10/16 12:05:50

"We received reports of an offensive weapon ... well Winston, I wanna be the first to congratulate you, it's a beaut."

10/10/16 7:28:20

clever

Tinder surprise

28/09/16 7:27:47

Darthknee Bussell

27/09/16 19:41:37

Honest John's Motors
M.O.T. test. £45
Guaranteed Pass. £145

09/09/16 11:38:58

Cutting edge design

31/08/16 11:48:08

Since losing 89% of his vision, Mick was grateful that he had good friends to help out with everyday tasks such as clothes shopping.

31/07/16 12:00:25

Warren Street Tube station

14/07/16 11:33:15

There's hundreds and thousands in the hold up on the M20

01/07/16 7:13:45

"When I said can you see my gash .........."

17/06/16 19:51:03

That'll put an end to the Chinese whispers

11/06/16 11:57:39

A cheeky Lidl feel

08/06/16 11:06:48

Something tells me she is looking forward to a muffin later.

29/05/16 13:31:15

Kebabylon

28/05/16 8:17:47

Mary knew that the floor, much like her husband, if laid properly, could be walked all over for life.

26/05/16 7:08:49

Grub's up

15/05/16 11:08:39

Mitsubishi admit to also faking purring engines.

20/04/16 19:14:53

"The TV? ..... Oh we threw that out."

13/04/16 19:21:43

Military employs cat in search for arms dump.

11/04/16 7:06:16

Fowl play

10/04/16 7:56:06

"My Tern, my Tern."

06/04/16 11:35:14

Axel Rose

19/03/16 20:08:20

Top Shop introduce their 'Something for the Weekend' range.

16/03/16 8:38:14

Pussy in boots

12/03/16 20:09:47

Shoehorn Leghorn

06/03/16 20:00:52

"Hello and welcome to 'The Plump'."

04/03/16 12:04:09

"But I wish Mummy wouldn't speak with her mouth full."

03/03/16 20:15:55

Unfortunately, Ellie preferred a man with Mussels

01/03/16 10:01:26

As a lover, Dave was often a bit shellfish.

01/03/16 8:42:04

This was a rare treat for the dogs, normally they only got to lick his helmet.

18/02/16 8:48:18

Find your mate with Grinder.

24/01/16 12:05:06

When she was younger she wore vinyl.

20/01/16 12:09:35

Welcome to Stonehenge sponsored by Michelin.

17/01/16 8:48:29

"It Disney look that bad."

15/01/16 8:08:27

Milliner Light

10/01/16 13:23:22

A fetching couple

09/01/16 10:34:52

Ban animal experimentation - this Baboon suffered for Leslie Ash's lips

23/12/15 21:24:27

"I think that you may have a problem with rising damp."

17/12/15 12:42:30

dodgydildo.com

29/11/15 22:18:30

"Sorry...... didn't mean to Erm-intrude."

14/11/15 20:08:25

"He doesn't knows his Rrrrrrrrrrrs from his elbows.

12/11/15 10:15:22

Smear Leader

10/11/15 20:02:51

This road is becoming more Poplar.

28/10/15 8:12:13

"Ahem, Ahem ......... sorry, frog in the throat."

26/10/15 20:01:12

Ikea lamps ..... now available in Kit form.

26/10/15 8:09:24

Breakfast with the Bobbits

19/10/15 7:06:34

Dastardly luck

13/10/15 19:04:24

Marouane Fellaini tries to give the press the slip after defeat to Arsenal

09/10/15 19:15:44

Ewereka

08/10/15 11:32:48

Whenever Doris had a spare moment she would work on her table tennis serve.

07/10/15 19:08:26

Weightwatchers frozen meals.

03/10/15 11:04:31

Laboratoire Gurnier

03/10/15 7:17:50

Solved ....... the mystery behind all of the flowers at crash sites.

01/10/15 11:15:04

Dyslexia never really held Eric back much ..... he excelled in the Hannah Throw

23/09/15 11:14:17

Dung Beetle

14/09/15 19:03:10

" ........... and as we slow the footage down you will clearly see a head butt."

10/09/15 7:12:01

Plop forward

10/09/15 7:05:00

Italian welcome party seems to have stemmed the tide of refugees.

09/09/15 19:44:46

Embarassing Buddies

09/09/15 19:25:57

The cameras were trained on the girl's butts

08/09/15 11:27:33

"Excuse me, where can I find the man with the magic beans?"

08/09/15 7:49:09

Prime Pusspect

02/09/15 11:14:52

"Ni"

25/08/15 7:03:17

"Somebody order extra wings?"

24/08/15 11:01:24