"Back off Buddy or I'll shit on your tongue."

07/11/22 20:03:01

Therapy sessions to cure Dave's OCD had gone much better than expected

05/11/22 8:51:34

On the plus side, they were a lot less messy than the treadmills.

28/10/22 19:25:21

When Dave was invited to get 'down and dirty' at the Playboy mansion, this wasn't what he had in mind.

01/11/24 20:07:05

Mystery of how homing pigeons find their way home, solved.

31/10/24 12:13:04

Gail Platt Tribute Lamp goes on sale.

08/10/24 7:14:33

There's got to be an easier way than this to empty the lavvy.

30/08/24 19:05:02

"I can recommend the diet cookies."

14/08/24 11:01:43

Even Cocaine dealers need to have a bit of fun sometimes.

13/08/24 11:01:33

"If we don't find it I'm going to have to wear my glasses."

01/08/24 7:18:21

Don't know about breasts, but it's starting to work on my cock.

28/06/24 11:04:03

Tina went one nil up but it could all change in the second leg.

21/05/24 7:05:41

The race was eventually won by Mo Marrow.

14/05/24 7:10:49

"No, not that one."

14/04/24 7:15:05

"Unexpected item in wagging area."

01/04/24 7:04:20

Tortilla Hips

10/03/24 20:01:40

It's nice, but I'd have chosen something else for a funeral.

08/03/24 12:03:06

The things you have to do for a Michelin star!

19/02/24 12:04:16

Road rage unheard of in India

08/02/24 12:01:46

Bill & Jen

05/02/24 20:01:40

lol

"That's it Dave, perfect....don't move!"

03/02/24 20:34:04

"So Dave, as a blind man what was it that attracted you to Karen?"

"Oh I don't know, I just had a feeling."

27/12/23 20:08:48

lol

"Merde!"

22/12/23 8:34:10

"Well that's a surprise, it's a soy."

20/12/23 12:05:34

"And this week on 'Recycle It' mortuary attendant Maureen shows us how she repurposes discarded body bags."

18/12/23 8:30:19

New ad' for Viagra accused of lacking subtlety

11/12/23 8:01:53

She had the care-worn look of a woman who was about to administer Gulliver's suppository.

08/12/23 8:06:13, edited: 08/12/23 12:49:42

"Switch that bloody toilet light out when you've been in there!"

01/12/23 8:04:56

Mystery lottery jackpot winner tracked down to Glasgow.

06/11/23 8:05:19

"Let's make this interesting...loser wipes."

03/11/23 20:43:31

When you're expecting a new grandson and asked to knit something they can grow in to.

25/10/23 7:11:13

"Pass me the bull repellent spray Robin...Robin!?"

22/10/23 7:07:19, edited: 22/10/23 7:08:05

They're usually solo artists but have come together to make this album.

20/10/23 19:06:29

White trash

10/10/23 7:02:01

Eugene didn't want much for Christmas - Werthers Originals, Haemorrhoid Ointment and the freedom to have a leisurely shit in his own bathroom without being interrupted by ankle-snappers.

06/10/23 19:43:22

Campaign warning of dangers of Veganism criticized for being too graphic.

06/10/23 12:21:42

"Hello, yeah I'm calling about the ventriloquists dummy you sold me."

05/10/23 19:11:44

One Man And His Bog

04/10/23 7:08:08

Dave came to realise that his camouflage was not as effective in an urban environment.

01/10/23 14:21:07

"Are you sure these outfits are appropriate for my mother's funeral, Dave"

13/09/23 11:22:17

Barnsley women clean the street in preparation for installation of BT fibre broadband.

06/09/23 7:06:20

"Massive pussy Louise."

"I'm not 21 any more Geoff."

01/09/23 7:02:06

Doncaster man wins lottery!

17/08/23 17:19:39

As worn by Billy The Skid

05/08/23 11:29:19

"Mouse should be rare? They're not, I've killed loads."

01/08/23 9:27:39

lol

"You're always bloody complaining Linda...you didn't like being on the roofrack, you didn't like it in the boot..."

24/07/23 11:11:40

"Faster Dave, I've still got a piece of meat stuck between my teeth."

23/07/23 19:03:15

creative

"Dave! Have you put Helium in these tyres again?"

01/07/23 7:09:43

lol

Everyone had their own technique at the Chinese flatulence championship.

29/06/23 19:01:59

Dachshorse

22/06/23 19:13:26

"Very good...how much do you charge?"

26/05/23 11:01:49

“I know I said some people make a lot of money with their cats on the net but…”

16/05/23 7:00:53

“…and a Lentil wrap for the boy wonder.”

15/05/23 11:02:20

“I still don’t know why you can’t leave for work by the front door like everybody else.”

15/05/23 7:01:37

“You’re guilty kid. It’s written all over your face.”

26/04/23 19:00:22

Times were changing. Madge was now allowed to sit and watch George eat.

04/04/23 7:40:54

The Texas Coleslaw Massacre

03/04/23 7:52:10

"It's a shit job, but your options are limited when you're pregnant."

31/03/23 12:09:23

Helmet envy.

28/03/23 11:00:45

Sam Smith’s new look hailed as a definite improvement.

02/03/23 8:00:39

Accident investigators say it will be some time before they are able to say what caused the aircraft to lose altitude so quickly.

24/02/23 12:01:10

As she waited for the prototype Orgasmatron to take effect, Margaret mused that it might be easier to just get a boyfriend.

24/01/23 20:45:51

Dave was too lazy to peel his own bananas and so let time and gravity work their magic.

15/01/23 20:00:19

Little Dave had been challenged to water pistols at dawn and he was taking no chances.

10/01/23 20:26:41

"If you can lay some more round ones like this we'll make a bloody fortune."

05/01/23 12:01:59

Specially trained Police Goat apprehends bike thief.

01/01/23 10:35:11

“No I haven’t got any sodding mints!”

16/12/22 20:00:14

“Let the clutch out!”

13/12/22 12:00:53

Dave set out to drink himself under the table.

10/12/22 8:31:13

creative

"No it's absolutely fine, we just don't normally get this on the flight simulator."

26/11/22 8:20:04

“No I’m not worried about the water jump. What makes you think that?"

22/11/22 8:02:34, edited: 22/11/22 8:22:14

Richard Branson without his hair and beard was hard to imagine...until now.

18/11/22 21:36:47

lol

Perhaps it was her green face or her pink shoe phone...but nobody noticed her stranded Halibut.

15/11/22 14:38:25

"Pack it in Bob or you can delouse your own back."

07/11/22 20:01:32

The Liz Truss Of Dogs. You can see she got up there but have no idea how.

29/10/22 21:17:32

New fast-track dental check up system expected to slash waiting lists.

05/11/24 20:02:09

When you've put a few pounds on and it has to go on eBay.

05/11/24 12:01:52

Hedging your pets.

23/09/24 11:00:42, edited: 24/09/24 9:05:11, suggested edits

Chugs Bunny

11/09/24 19:02:12

Getting your teenage children out of bed in a morning isn't always easy.

10/09/24 11:35:58

Customers who bought this also liked 'My First Sick Bucket'.

04/09/24 11:02:20

Evidence of global warming grows stronger as latest picture from Everest base camp emerges.

03/09/24 11:16:25

"Sorry Doc, I didn't know you wanted the stool and urine samples in a container."

14/08/24 19:16:55

"No, I said I wanted to be a professional wrestler with a mask and a cape on!"

22/07/24 11:19:29

The Brazilian Trainforest

21/07/24 11:48:29

"THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSICCC!!!"

16/07/24 11:01:38

"Pint of biter please mate."

02/07/24 11:01:05

Breakfast in bed

27/06/24 11:00:25

Margaret made a mental note to edit the "hung like a horse" requirement from her Tinder profile.

04/06/24 11:02:06

When you want to neuter your own dog but don't have any anaesthetic.

04/06/24 7:03:15

Up to your neck in shit? Get used to it mate.

03/06/24 11:01:36

After sampling what the area had to offer, Rooney couldn't wait to take the Plymouth Argyle job.

02/06/24 19:09:12

Zebra Glossing

02/06/24 10:00:15

clever

Arse and Stripes

26/05/24 12:14:52

"Not sure about this Maureen...I don't even think he knows Batman."

13/05/24 11:14:25, edited: 13/05/24 11:18:21

"And you say you're looking for gloves madam?"

21/04/24 19:07:36

lol

In the rural environment, Private Investigator Dave was able to use disguise to tail his subjects undetected. But he never really adapted to city work.

13/03/24 8:23:28

"Me beam's up Scotty!"

12/03/24 12:00:52

"I don't think you're suited to this."

02/03/24 8:15:05

The Pet Shop Boys

16/02/24 14:05:57