best earliest latest latest and best captions

"Don't you Jehova's Witnesses EVER give up?"

07/08/18 7:24:06

I hate it when you do a jigsaw and there's one piece left over.

29/06/18 19:32:19

Other sea creatures hate it when whales fart.

09/06/18 9:16:15

lol

"To be honest love, I think I prefer the chocolate body paint."

19/05/18 20:23:15

clever

"You can't get round me that way," said the Sphynx. "Now, answer the question."

15/05/18 11:47:00

We're hoping that 2018 will be the year that Eric gets help for his gambolling problem.

31/12/17 12:17:53

It was a spectacular dive by the gannet, who got Jimmy right in the 'nads.

26/11/17 20:43:16

"I'm no clairvoyant but I can tell you're fuchsia."

14/11/17 8:48:00

Newquay's seagull problem is getting worse.

03/09/17 9:26:13

"Yes, actually I have been up all night captioning. How can you tell?"

01/08/17 8:17:52

"Darling, I've put the Christmas turkey in the loft to thaw out. There's no way Ginger and Buster will get at it this year."

04/07/17 21:42:07

Meet K9's replacement, Kit10.

12/06/17 9:15:23

Dressage is even harder now they've brought in the new skateboard round

10/06/17 14:27:05

On New Year's Day 2003, Sandra vowed not to have her hair cut again until she gave up smoking.

20/05/17 9:43:27

"One day someone told me to grow a pair, and it just spiralled from there."

21/04/17 12:08:21

clever

If there's one thing I can't stand it's swan upmanship.

06/04/17 19:49:20

lol

It was the worst case of shingles the doctor had ever seen.

04/03/17 20:32:03

He: "I broke my ankle in two places."
She: "Stop going to those places then."

09/01/17 11:40:39

Look what the Cat's dragged in.

28/11/16 9:18:12

She sends selfies on the sea shore

11/11/16 23:05:56

I'm not sure this is what MI6 meant when they said they wanted a double agent.

07/10/16 13:35:59

Dear Mr Green,
On the results of your recent Work Capability Assessment, the DWP deems that you are fit for work. You are required to attend the job centre immediately.

20/09/16 21:44:07

"I don't know where you got these crackers from, pal, but they taste like cardboard."

21/12/18 13:07:26

We're sorry Mr Lecter, you won't be allowed to bring your recipe book into prison.

17/12/18 20:00:24

Atomic mass

30/11/18 12:16:27

"Get your ears syringed, love. I said go and get me half a dozen BAGELS."

05/09/18 9:35:53

Jiminy, you really need to do something about your crack habit.

25/08/18 20:00:17

A pair of old crocs.

16/08/18 9:07:46

"I feel like I'm just stagnating at this job."

09/08/18 19:00:09

"I have to say, our cat really rules the roost."

07/08/18 19:02:29

"You can't blame Jimmy for not smiling. He was feeling fowl that day."

19/07/18 15:52:14

"Well, what did you expect? You can't go on regenerating forever without a few hiccups."

18/07/18 10:09:16

"Look, if I want an octopus sandwich, I'll have an octopus sandwich. OK?"

06/07/18 11:09:25

You can't deny she's well-upholstered.

21/06/18 9:41:56

When it's dark it's always a good idea to use headlights.

02/06/18 14:27:58

creative

"...and if you approach the mouse like this, it doesn't realise you're a cat."

21/05/18 9:44:02

Local traders, sick of Eric's busking, had told him to stick his music where the sun don't shine.

09/05/18 13:26:11

"But Sarge, you said arrange a Police Escort. Here she is."

05/05/18 19:45:14

Off the top of my head I can't tell you how to pronounce it.

27/04/18 11:35:36

No jokes please. It's wrong to mock a killing bird.

17/02/18 10:30:56

lol

That's the trouble with snow, it goes wherever it likes.

13/02/18 20:08:59

Things hadn't been going well in their relationship but this wasn't the time to fall out.

18/01/18 10:17:08

The DWP still insists he's fit for work.

09/12/17 11:15:36

I asked for a matt finish...

13/11/17 22:21:05

"Aren't you The Stig's wife?"

16/10/17 8:47:46

It had been a stressful holiday. The cracks were showing.

26/09/17 11:10:19

"When I said the ground could do with a facelift..."

15/09/17 9:07:24

lol clever

I can't see you right now, hun, I'm working.

11/08/17 20:13:45

lol

I think you're flossing too hard, love.

01/08/17 12:23:35

They're lovely dear ... what have you done?

22/07/17 8:49:21

Gas guzzler

11/07/17 19:34:18

The other nostril dispenses strawberry flavour.

24/06/17 8:25:07

Ah, the fine tradition of Morris Dancing.

23/04/17 11:51:58

"Hey, Mike, what colour did you decide to spray your car in the end?"

22/04/17 8:18:44

I think the goodyears are over.

01/04/17 13:58:00

The dog's about to make a horrendous mess on your bed. Do you
a) Shout at him and chuck him off the bed? or
b) Take a photo for Caption.me?

30/03/17 7:19:05

lol

I suffer for your art.

19/02/17 20:26:30

"What's wrong?" said the Genie. "I gave you exactly what you asked for, hot pussy with whipped cream."

19/12/16 10:37:22

That reminds me - I must get some batteries.

07/12/16 13:13:36

Muriel, you really need to address this crack habit of yours.

07/12/16 10:11:22

Little Sophie learned at an early age that sand gets everywhere.

18/10/16 7:39:19

Pedal Bin

07/10/16 22:43:10

How to exit the gene pool: lesson one.

02/09/16 10:19:26

"This photography for relaxation course really isn't working, is it, John?"

10/12/18 10:35:38

🎵 I see a little stiletto of a man 🎵

09/12/18 12:08:22

"This reminds me of being at school."
"Why's that then?"
"Being touched up by an old master."

08/12/18 21:00:49

clever

I ordered some of them anabolic thingies off the internet. Anybody want to buy a dozen stair rods?

10/11/18 21:49:17

There seems to be an increase in fowl crimes on our streets. It must be all these quackheads funding their habit.

31/08/18 9:05:50

lol

"Hey mate! this is great stuff you're growing up here!"

22/08/18 13:05:09

"My bike's a chick magnet."

14/08/18 11:00:09

Now showing in theatres everywhere: Drakes on a Plane.

05/08/18 10:18:46

It's becoming fashionable for men to put their hair in a bun.

29/07/18 19:24:17

"I bought one of these hats and had to take it back because it kept playing music. Apparently I should have removed the band."

19/06/18 21:40:59

The day before his appointment at the opticians, Steve went to look for a new Lazyboy.

15/06/18 9:09:30

"She's got no sense of direction. We were meant to be tunnelling into the bank next door."

30/03/18 8:49:05

Anon says, "Even back in those times they made spelling mistakes. Look at that, it should be eye before bee, except after sea."

13/02/18 1:24:36

Got any change for the barking meter?

03/02/18 10:46:48

Interviews are currently being held for new anons. Punctuation knowledge essential. Must be able to split hairs.

(Even bigger nods to 12:06:22 and 14:22:30)

24/01/18 22:42:30

*Unexpected items in bagging area*

28/12/17 12:07:53

"Who's that over there, waving his arms at him?"
"Oh, that's just the busk conductor."

18/12/17 22:10:39

The Lilliputians had only two holiday destinations and Gulliver had a foot in both camps.

17/11/17 12:00:10

"I told you that you were parking up the wrong tree."

13/11/17 0:16:08

clever

🎵🎵 I'm too socksy for my shirt, too socksy for my shirt...

08/11/17 10:05:39

"Perhaps you should turn the whirlpool bath down a bit, dear?"

06/11/17 12:49:06

"My baby was one of the guinea pigs who trialled the system."

30/10/17 12:57:57

George's parents were hoping that one day he would outgrow his Jenga addiction.

15/10/17 9:28:47

creative

"Hey, Maria, have you been washing your horse in Persil again?"

10/10/17 11:25:35

Safety equipment check: helmet, check. Non-slip footwear, check. Airbags, check.

10/08/17 19:43:16

I only asked if they shaved pussies and they threw me out.

17/07/17 8:44:11

The Maori Celeste sets out on its maiden voyage.

13/07/17 22:42:43

"I see you have goat on the menu."
"Oh, yes sir, just push her off it."

04/07/17 8:45:06

Sorry, must dash. We're off to the artificial insemination clinic while this sample's still fresh.

27/05/17 9:17:38

I didn't know Zaphod Beeblebrox had a sister.

13/05/17 12:55:41

Top Of The Pops

28/04/17 9:33:34

The all-new Mitsubishi Spyder solves all your parking problems.

10/04/17 11:16:27

"You are under arrest for criminal damage and being drunk and disorderly."
"But I'd only just started painting the town red."

07/04/17 21:46:15

Meanwhile...Bald porcupine seeks loving home.

01/04/17 10:25:29

When she saw what the hairdresser had done, she went up the wall.

21/03/17 22:51:09

I don't know what species it is but the dawn chorus is deafening since it arrived.

03/03/17 9:49:35

Welcome to the launching of the Thaitanic.

02/03/17 9:56:25