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	He was hit by the Pizza Express and sadly pasta way. 04/02/23 8:37:30	3

	Even Bill Clinton admits: "I definitely did not have sexual relations with THAT woman." 02/02/23 20:16:53	3

	🎵 They got him on milk and alcohol 🎵 31/01/23 20:20:03, edited: 31/01/23 20:22:57	3

	The new range of childrenswear launched by Michael Portillo. 20/01/23 20:44:05	3

	These penguins admit that needle sharing is rife amongst their grandmothers. 20/01/23 8:05:08	3

	"More tees, Vicar?" 13/01/23 20:31:47	3

	"Mum, I don't feel grate" 11/01/23 8:08:05	3

	David Boughey 07/01/23 8:01:43	3

	Cross this field and and you'll come a cropper. 06/01/23 8:05:19	3

	I couldn't drink all that in one sitting. 10/12/22 8:32:23	3

	"Reproduction?" "Don't think he's up to it." 09/12/22 20:29:06	3

	哞哞 They obviously speak Mandarin. 11/11/22 21:51:18	3

	Gardeners' Whirled 09/11/22 20:08:02	3

	50 Shades of Graze 27/09/22 19:00:32	3

	"I'm all ears." 23/09/22 19:02:30	3

	"Are you listening to me, Vincent?" "Only half.." 16/09/22 19:12:18	2 3
"Could you say that in my other ear?" "I did say that in your other ear. It's on the wall over here." --Willie Johnson
	I have fond memories of Grandad telling Gran to 'get your tulips round this'. 14/09/22 11:01:29	3

	"We just ignore the werewolf whistles." 13/09/22 19:19:41	3

	Reheating pizza can be a chore 08/09/22 19:46:25	3

	"Your round, love." "I know, my diet starts tomorrow." 06/09/22 8:30:48	3

	"Did the earth move for you?" 04/09/22 19:16:03	3

	Being fat doesn't mean you can't get laid. 29/08/22 11:10:49	3

	Anita proudly showed her colleagues the cataract surgery she had done in Turkey. 19/08/22 12:26:22	3

	Two of them fell off the ladders and were in subtraction for months. 16/08/22 19:01:27	3

	I've told him that if he succeeds, he'll be in for a long stretch. 12/08/22 7:05:21	3

	"Wharf, wharf!" He identifies as a dog. 10/08/22 7:03:21	1 3
Lol. I think it's only humans that have the ability and privilege to choose how they identify themselves. Well, except for Babe. Btw, this is allegedly true but I read about someone who identified themself as a horse so they could thr... --Glyn Evans
	She said she was looking for a fungi, so I invited her back to see my mushroom collection. 03/08/22 7:22:40	3

	Toilet duck 28/07/22 11:00:07	3

	You can't curry favor on India's Deal or No Deal 22/07/22 19:21:14	3

	Some cannibals love meals on wheels. 05/07/22 19:02:20	3

	A stitch in time saves calling 999 29/06/22 7:00:46	3

	"Hi my name's Davina. I enjoy eating, sitting on Nelson's Column and I'm a great homemaker. Give me a ring some time." 16/06/22 19:20:26	3

	"Next week, let's race Citrons!" 04/06/22 11:01:47	3

	Some Eskimos want an igloo with Windows. 31/05/22 7:08:59	3

	Every morning there's a mad scramble for the bathroom. 24/05/22 19:02:08	3

	Hob knob 21/05/22 19:03:12	3

	I can't bear grizzly war scenes. 20/05/22 7:10:24	3

	He's the office dogsbody. 19/05/22 19:08:38	3

	Looks like a reproduction to me. 18/05/22 13:19:02	3

	Due to a backlog of applications, passport pictures pass much more easily these days. 18/05/22 7:27:41	3

	Quim was too tight to buy an epilator and found a cheaper method of removing his pubes. 12/05/22 19:02:19	3

	At home with Engelbert Humperdinck 11/05/22 7:01:24	3

	Forgotten something? Take a trip down Memory Lane. 06/05/22 19:01:16	3

	Tie Bride 04/05/22 11:00:07	3

	🎵 He's got a ticket to ride 🎵 30/04/22 11:00:40	3

	"Help - I've only just pasta driving test!" 28/04/22 11:05:20	3

	He should have made a run for it but he was too dim. 19/04/22 7:10:10	3

	Makes a nice change from turkey on Boxing Day. 17/04/22 19:00:30	1 3

	Quite frankly, Dave found it all a bit of a drag. 08/04/22 7:04:10	3

	Partners in Crimea 07/04/22 19:05:11	3

	No-one said it was potty time..? 05/04/22 11:00:30	1 3
🎵...potty like it's 1999. --Willie Johnson
	Baby Anon spots a dreadful gaffe. 05/04/22 7:00:16	3

	This is a stunning wildlife picture. 04/04/22 19:00:37	3

	♪ Papa don't preach 30/03/22 12:05:59	3

	"I get loads of birds sitting on my face." 21/02/22 8:12:39	3

	When his wife saw this, she had a face like thunder. 15/02/22 20:44:42	3

	A vigorous hosing should eliminate stubborn cling-ons. 12/02/22 8:30:51	3

	Roi Hattersley 31/01/22 20:01:27	1 3

	"Customer service desk? I'd like a refund please. She's only got 1½ arms and her toes are all the same length." 29/01/22 20:10:28	3

	"Well, I'll be blowed" 24/01/22 20:01:33	3

	Guide dog for the colour blind 20/01/22 16:04:17	3

	In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best time to activate my wife's remote controlled love eggs. 18/01/22 21:03:45	3

	You can always spot an Essex girl. 15/01/22 8:00:25	3

	Holly and Ivy - now they are both full grown 11/01/22 20:10:57	3

	Now empty, before the pandemic it was House of Charmin. 05/01/22 9:44:12	3

	Dave was just happy not to have inherited his dad's Lego hair. 31/12/21 20:36:19	3

	Supermarket staff report that getting him back into his scooter was a piece of cake. 26/12/21 20:08:04	3

	I'm sorry but life's no Picnic. 17/12/21 20:00:21	3

	"She's no oil painting." 04/12/21 12:16:34	1 3
She's an audience. --Willie Johnson
	Top Gundog 03/12/21 20:02:16	3

	As for their marriage, they've decided to call it a drey. 01/12/21 12:32:50	3

	It was originally delivered to the wrong address but fortunately there was a happy ending. 30/11/21 20:02:51	3

	I might give them a ring sometime. 15/11/21 20:12:32	3

	Sadly six-packs often turn into barrels. 07/11/21 20:09:09	3

	Some waitresses expect a tip. 03/11/21 8:04:14	3

	"Mum! This cucumber smells funny.." 30/10/21 19:21:48	3

	🎵 Ice ice baby 🎵 30/10/21 19:09:46	3

	Piggy in the middle 27/10/21 19:00:50	3

	Campers restrain weirdo found loitering within tent. 26/10/21 7:06:30	3

	Coney Island 23/10/21 7:06:58	3

	"Waiter - there's a hare in my food!" 23/10/21 7:04:27	3

	Crèche course in swearing. 20/10/21 19:01:54	3

	Now I understand the rubber knickers. 20/10/21 7:06:29	3

	Luckily the driver knows a few short cuts. 13/10/21 11:23:41	3

	Don't worry - We're sending William Chat-ner to the rescue. 12/10/21 4:22:51	3

	"We need to get you to a doctor. You've got a terrible rash on your hands." 01/10/21 7:07:27	3

	Another HGV driver accepts job offer in the UK. 28/09/21 19:01:12	3

	Little Strummer Boy 22/09/21 19:15:52	3

	Make friends, make friends, never never break friends 20/09/21 19:15:40	3

	Mocha Do About Nothing 14/09/21 11:01:55	3

	I met these two on a blind date. At least one of them genuinely likes long walks on the beach. 08/09/21 19:06:56	1 3
...they asked me back for a threesome. I had to pass. Not on a first date...maybe on a second. --Glyn Evans
	Eats shoots and leaves. Anon can stick the comma. 03/09/21 19:06:45	1 3
That's possibly Boy George ... The comma, comma comedian. --John Glover
	Despotty Time 16/08/21 19:41:21	3

	"This is where I fell for your mother.." 14/08/21 11:05:10	3

	"and you can tell that Humpty Dumpty - I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me.." 13/08/21 19:00:59	3

	A Street Cat Named Sponge Bob 03/08/21 7:03:01	3

	This was quite near spaghetti junction. 01/08/21 19:04:29	3

	"One thinks one will have a meal for One." 28/07/21 11:38:04	3

	He likes to Winalot. 19/07/21 19:02:10	3

	There's a leak in the toilets so you'll need your waders. 14/07/21 7:01:38	3

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