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... with large swimming pool.

30/11/16 15:04:29

Ah ha! This is a giant red herring! You don't fool me...

24/11/16 20:14:29

"That dog's always running hammock around the garden!"

24/11/16 13:43:31

The spectator in the brown jacket was severely divided about the routine!

19/11/16 13:47:14

Nancy distracts the crowd whilst Fagin trains a young recruit

20/10/16 7:15:27

Leaning Tower of Pizza

26/09/16 19:18:01

He was hoping for a call-out to a Morris Minor

25/09/16 13:14:51

'Steve... I swear that fish is laughing!'

15/09/16 7:27:48

'Bet he'd make a good one-knight stand'

02/09/16 12:08:45

'I wasn't being nasty when I called your mother a bitch, son'

28/08/16 8:43:06

Suddenly Saga Cruises and lots of geriatrics seemed rather appealing.

19/12/24 8:10:44

"Nom, nom, nom... Oh this bladdy ketchup gets everywhere."

18/12/24 12:26:33

"...and Prince Charming spent the next day in A&E having the horn removed from his esophagus. The End."

16/12/24 20:44:21

"Make us a cuppa, Henrietta, I'm spitting feathers 'ere... Oh! Um, sorry, don't think it was any relation of yours."

01/12/24 9:31:12

WATTF!

11/11/24 8:09:36, edited: 11/11/24 9:16:46, suggested edits

"Beef me up, Scotty."

07/11/24 8:10:28

Business or pleasure?

05/11/24 20:28:54

"Nice tail...So, are you a man or a mouse?"

23/10/24 7:21:32

It all turned nasty and they had a brush with the law.

10/10/24 19:06:13

"...and this explains ET's leathery skin - too much time spent under lamps."

08/10/24 7:36:37

Russell?

28/09/24 7:11:45

A Boy Named LasSu.

27/09/24 8:35:10

The kids raleighed to make this stunt a Triumph.

26/09/24 7:45:12

Dave, lying at the far end thinks 'If this fails at least I won't have to go to school tomorrow.'

26/09/24 7:16:59

Eartha Kitty

25/09/24 19:55:22

Pour yourself as many as you like, you'll never have to rinse the glass.

23/09/24 7:05:07

They are both tired.

18/09/24 7:41:37

Well, he could honestly tell the lads he'd had his legover.

18/09/24 7:10:38

She was disqualified because the paint didn't run.

07/09/24 7:11:54

Keeping up appearances - Higher Cynth Bucket

06/09/24 11:55:40

He made this two weeks ago and it's stale standing.

01/09/24 7:02:41

🎵 I'm in with the thin crowd

29/08/24 7:35:42

"Dave, look deeply into my eyes, you're beginning to feel sleepy, verrrry sleepy. Now serve me that tin of salmon... and when I blink you will remember nothing."

24/08/24 19:49:55

'Must get a new broom,' thought Griselda

23/07/24 7:03:08

Simbaerotic relationship

12/07/24 11:09:03

"Happy days! I've just found a pound coin in the seal, so I'm on for a quarter of catnip later."

01/07/24 19:41:14

"I'm not going to do too many. We wouldn't want to make pigs of ourselves, would we?"

25/06/24 12:41:44

"I don't think we should tip that waiter. He's very off-hand and aggressive."
"Oh, don't mind him. He's a Portuguese war veteran."

22/06/24 7:29:34

High fashion

08/06/24 11:16:33

"Don't worry, Dave, I'll give you a leg up."

06/06/24 19:12:02

He always makes a pointer dressing for the weather.

22/05/24 7:07:21

Mummy draws her eyebrows on. I just need a little more practice.

17/05/24 7:26:42

It was obvious who'd win - The Runner Bean

14/05/24 7:04:05

Load-bearing wall

13/05/24 19:36:29

"I used to be a dry stone waller. I threw in the towel."

13/05/24 19:11:31

"They're a bit small for me, I'm trying to make them bigger."

07/05/24 7:30:27

Tsk. Half way up and Dave realised he'd forgotten his waterproofs. He felt a bit of a drip.

03/05/24 7:25:05

"...and that's where the Dalek died because he wasn't allowed to move."

30/04/24 7:05:51

"Oi! You've still got to queue even if you're the casting director's mistress."

24/04/24 7:24:51

"A fitting tribute for the mother-in-law, the old battleaxe."

11/04/24 19:08:29

You don't have to make a Miele out of vacuuming

11/04/24 11:38:58

"Bet she's singing about being dumped on."

10/04/24 19:07:28

"It's strange, we bought one chair but by the end of the month we had a three-piece suite."

07/04/24 11:21:43

I drink it by the barrel

07/04/24 7:26:43

"I think I'll refer you to my colleague, Dr Geppetto."

31/03/24 19:31:20

Thinking capuccino

27/03/24 8:06:17, edited: 27/03/24 8:07:02

🎵 Meow, ow, meow-meow, ow.
Meow, ow, meow-meow, ow.
Meow, ow, meow-meow, ow.
Meow, ow, ow, owwwww. 🎵

29/02/24 12:30:21

Galloping gourmet

13/02/24 21:18:44

For decoration only. If consumed, may cause thread worms.

04/02/24 20:21:04

"Yee hah! All ready for line dancing...hup, 2, 3, 4."

01/02/24 8:22:05

"He makes pop music. I need a pin... GIMME A PIN!"

31/01/24 20:11:08

At first I thought it's a Green Party seat but maybe it's Conservatories.

13/01/24 8:58:11

This beach is very pop-ular

21/12/23 8:38:05

Right Guard - Won't let you down!

21/11/23 13:53:25

"I've been growing corn now...must be thirty years, off the top of my head."

14/11/23 12:56:10

From Cheshire

13/11/23 8:16:08

"Due to unforeseen circumstances this No 27 service has been discontinued. Could passengers please disembark and make your own way home because I've got bigger fecking problems."

08/11/23 12:47:38

Suited and booted

06/11/23 8:02:57

"Me-OW! I've got my bleeding whiskers trapped!"

05/11/23 15:16:55

"CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK! I'm almost deaf from the sound of it."
"What, the gunfire?"
"NO! The needles."

25/10/23 7:56:42

"Dave, you're doing it wrong!" hissed Whiskers.

24/10/23 7:05:42

"When I said 'Just a small piece'..."

22/10/23 19:20:59

Nobody ever beat Johnny at a game of marbles again

11/10/23 11:23:43, edited: 11/10/23 11:24:41

'Hmm, can still see it... Probably needs another coat,' thought Dave.

05/10/23 12:27:02

"He probably had a leaf mould belly button, Melissa."

01/10/23 15:32:51, edited: 01/10/23 15:33:17

"I should get your washing in, Barbra."

26/09/23 7:24:30

The salesman at Extra-Special Rugs explained that this is a magic carpet for trainees. "When the rider is learning to fly it's how we keep a lad in."

23/09/23 7:40:13

The artisan sausage-making for the Farmers' Market was going well. Now he just needed the condoms.

31/08/23 19:17:02

🎵 While my guitar gently creeps

27/08/23 11:49:09

"XXXX"

26/08/23 7:14:42

"They look lovely, I just can't draw them."

23/08/23 7:01:19

Not my cup of tea

22/08/23 19:32:59

We dispatch by Aero plane

18/08/23 10:40:27

Stick-thin, broad-shouldered, mutant-headed Antipodean Barbie. Mattel proudly releases its latest Diversity Doll.

15/08/23 19:47:17

"I bet it was the flamin' cats!"

13/08/23 11:06:11

"Gentlemen, I shall beat you all soundly, change out of this hideous outfit and then go and smash up an omnibus shelter."

06/08/23 19:37:53

Love at first bite

03/08/23 11:11:08

Poor guy only wore his new suit out the one time and was savaged by squirrels

17/07/23 19:31:52

Crocodile dunny

15/07/23 20:07:34

"That darned cat has run up the tree. Well, she picked on the wrong dog..."

12/07/23 11:41:41

Hound of the Bouncy Balls

09/07/23 12:19:50

Plaits du jour

29/06/23 11:18:07

Tip 1954: A good housewife will take exercise whilst doubling as an occasional table

29/06/23 7:13:01

"Cat-ch!"

26/06/23 19:01:30

"Do you think this jacket looks okay? I've got mixed felines about it."

27/05/23 12:11:20

My Cowasaki

09/05/23 11:00:12

🎵 Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I got a bad case of lovin' to chew 🎵

25/04/23 13:29:09

"I taut I saw pussy tats"

21/04/23 11:47:48, edited: 21/04/23 11:59:49

Tom a hawk

15/04/23 19:01:30

"Nobody want a slice...? I suppose it'll keep for yet another year."

12/04/23 11:39:34