best earliest latest latest and best captions

John knew he had to create a diversion

28/04/13 7:37:43

"I'm just not feeling it. What if you used your nose?"

22/04/13 19:01:21

"Mmmm delicious. How do you make it so creamy?"
"Well, first we choke the chicken...."
"Stop! I don't want to know"

09/04/13 11:59:35

To practice safe sex you should use a rubber and wear a cap

06/04/13 19:09:35

It was during her monthly cycle that Judith often felt she'd been hit by a bus

21/03/13 20:39:25

"Oh Mickey. When you said you was fucking goofy, i thought you meant that you had big teeth"

20/03/13 12:09:13

Bill suspected that his wife was having an affair with the carpenter next door

19/03/13 12:54:43

There's nothing like the relaxing sound of swaying palms

14/11/12 12:16:33

For some strange reason, since 1993, Sarah has been hoarding her bogies

09/11/12 20:18:17

" Under the boardwalk, Dawn by the sea "

01/11/12 8:03:19

The Scottish bus company will take you from Ayr to Skye

28/10/12 8:13:31

Bourban

25/10/12 11:11:52

The new external heating system stops windscreens getting frostie. They're grrrrreat!

15/10/12 19:06:21

It picks up passengers

01/10/12 19:43:18

Navy Seal

28/09/12 11:13:14

Doppelbanger

02/09/12 19:14:12

Meet Perry Scope

01/09/12 7:02:26

"first, I'm gonna rub you with a soapy loofah. Then I'm gonna hose you down"
"you're talking hogwash"

16/08/12 22:55:38

Take A out of con text

14/08/12 12:06:11

Belmarsh Cheerleaders School

13/08/12 10:05:32

Wayne Rooney treats himself during a pre season tour of malaysia

27/07/12 10:36:37

"Looks mouthwatering, mmm.. very tasty, saucy with a bit of spice. The food was bland though" said Gregg Wallace.

05/12/24 8:07:29

creative

Before the game became P.C, golfers used to tee off with baby Orcas.

25/10/24 11:21:12

"Wanna see Santa's sack?"

18/10/24 11:07:49

lol

"Thank god, I thought the boiler was hissing. It was just a man going Shhhhhhhhhhh"

15/10/24 11:03:15, suggested edits

"You spoil those bloody frogs"

03/09/24 11:01:48

🎵 Everybody go surfin'...surfin' R.S.P.C.A 🎵

29/04/24 19:42:51

"10 packets of Nobby's Nuts, or the chicken gets it"

07/03/24 8:07:18

Some say that Greta is always whining

20/02/24 8:12:48

Why does it seem that I'm always stuck behind Brian the Snail?

15/02/24 20:02:38

Potato Peelers

10/02/24 20:12:20

Yule Mog

05/02/24 8:23:05

"...my mummy and daddy are dead now. They never got over that little intrusion. The porridge, the broken chair, the stranger in my bed. I pretended to befriend you so I could get you here all alone. Now prepare to die"

23/11/23 12:52:01

"You can not be serious?"

17/11/23 8:06:13

"I don't know why, but he's never had a line call against him"

17/11/23 8:05:00

"Thats the sides picked. Who shall we put in goal?"

11/11/23 9:47:44

"The bloody D is stuck again. I need to write Dave on my captions"

09/11/23 8:06:53

"Can't believe I've been born into a family that supports Sunderland"

22/09/23 11:10:58

Dave always wants to be the Centaur of attention

08/09/23 7:02:24

There's nothing like a shit in the woods

29/08/23 19:01:47

"Apart from Scotland...."

29/08/23 7:07:40

"Afternoon Fatman. Your friends were in earlier, Supperman, Pie-derman, and Iron Deficiency Man"

15/05/23 11:11:51

Transformers love having their tummies tickled.

03/04/23 19:04:56

""Stormtrooper! This is not the appropriate time for a Han Solo"

28/03/23 11:20:09

Playing snooker and golf is like Chalk and Tees

20/02/23 8:50:13

"Install the new 'Acme Cyclist Smacker' today"

08/02/23 12:02:45

You have to admire the craftiness of foxes.

23/01/23 12:08:09

"Yes, only children can hear me, so go and get me a carrot or I will haunt your fucking dreams"

04/11/22 12:12:04

"Quick, it's the wife. Erm..lay flat on the floor and pretend you're a rug"

27/09/22 19:01:42

"How many stones do you weigh, Dear?"

"Fifteen, Love"

06/09/22 19:04:01

clever

Meanwhile, in UB40's kitchen....

25/06/22 11:38:08

"Right, now let's make this interesting..."

"RELEASE THE PIRANHAS"

08/06/22 8:12:50

That's what I hate about Australia. Have you seen the size of their spiders?

23/05/22 19:27:39

That was a funny Christmas. I got these and my sister got a My Little Great Dane.

02/04/22 7:54:58

"You git, Dave. I thought you said you was taking me to a tap dancing bar"

29/03/22 7:31:39

"Paddy, I thought I told you to take them lost penguins to the zoo"

"I did, yesterday. They enjoyed it so much that I thought I'd take them to the museum today"

28/01/22 20:05:35

"HE'S BEHIND YOU!"
There's always one who gets totally carried away watching Panto

21/09/21 19:53:04

"Channel 4? I prefer Channel Fyffe"

27/08/21 19:27:47

"Please don't tell me you've got the cutlery in there"

"Don't be silly love, what do you think the toilet's for?"

23/06/21 19:29:46

On sunny days there's nothing more enjoyable than having a Barbar Queue

15/06/21 11:08:09

"There I was happily grazing and then..urggh dog shit"

08/06/21 11:24:02

Dr David Banner's pet Chameleons knew when he was going to change before he did

01/06/21 19:13:18

"So a seal can do a fair Jackson Pollock. Tune in next week on 'Arty Animals' to see if a penguin can recreate the Mona Lisa"

26/05/21 7:16:41

"Mmmmm bingo wings"

25/05/21 11:23:15

"Amazing man"
"Thanks, I did it in one sitting"
"Didn't it hurt?"
"Oh you mean the tattoo?, I thought you was talking about the Chinese banquet for 6 that I've just polished off"

26/03/21 12:34:54

Rats always get a Frosty reception.

05/03/21 12:12:54

This Sylvanian Family Cottage Set only cost me 3 quid down the market.

25/02/21 8:39:01

"You spoil that bloody cat"

16/02/21 12:00:59

"Hee Hee. I can't believe they fell for the old 'ink on the binoculars' trick"

15/01/21 22:05:58

"Dont worry. The lizard under the bed will get it"

06/01/21 12:27:34

"You're 42 now Norman. Isn't it time you stopped sleeping with that Cabbage Patch Doll?"

05/01/21 21:51:24

"There's the problem right there. The engine's flooded"

22/12/20 20:31:41

"Bloody Hell, Henry. Why can't you just build a sandcastle like all the other kids?" shouted Mrs Moore

21/11/20 8:47:55

"...so, when she opens the bag in the butchers, I'll cause a commotion and that's where you, Scruff, nick the string of sausages, and you, Ginge, grab the leg of lamb. Just keep running and we'll 'meat up', hee hee, 'meat up', geddit.. at the oak tree in the park"

18/11/20 8:46:56

"I dont care if they did it in Victorian times, I just don't think that it's right to make her crawl up the chimney"

29/09/20 7:33:42

She hated doing escort work for Hank, but she needed the money. It was the same last week. He had her over a barrel.

17/09/20 7:13:25

"Thank God a toilet... Fuck! I can't reach the zip!"

11/09/20 19:52:45

"What's that Skippy? Rolf Harris did WHAT?"

07/09/20 19:01:58

"Will you quit eating and and go and get the farmer. I can't hold it up any longer"

18/08/20 11:08:21

clever

"Come on Rose, all I want is a kiss"

11/07/20 19:00:41

Pussy Galore

07/07/20 11:01:47

"Ming Ming, get the zookeeper. I'm stuck"

05/07/20 19:11:03

Fido might look cute but is prone to violet tendencies

05/07/20 7:44:07

"You think I look funny? You should see the winged snowman I swapped with"

21/06/20 11:05:21

The Grand Wizard's horse was led away in shame for terrorising Black Beauty

21/06/20 8:47:33

"It's not a guide dog? What have they given me?"

18/06/20 19:18:27

"Right Ringo. Let's find you a mate. This one's from Chester Zoo"
"Eugh! Swipe Left"

15/06/20 7:26:48

lol

"..yes I do agree with giving more opportunities to the multiracial, people with disabilities and the older generation but I still think that you shouldn't have given the driving job to Stevie Wonder"

10/06/20 11:40:11

🎵 I really love your tiger tweet 🎵

04/06/20 11:03:49

A sign of the tides

27/05/20 11:04:43

"Come on you've had your laugh. Can I have my wings back now?"

27/05/20 7:12:05

"Looks like Pesticide"

28/04/20 19:05:01

creative

"I forgot about my haemorrhoids. When I finished, the bathroom looked like an abattoir"

09/04/20 11:58:27

Edmund knew that the writing was on the wall

05/04/20 8:11:30

I see that Gulliver has been squeezing his spots again

02/04/20 11:04:20

lol

"Bottle it all up in the shower?... I Just Wash and Let Go"

27/03/20 12:11:47

"Quick son, I'm nearly popping out. Do me flies up"

17/03/20 20:27:02

"Yeah, of course mate. I'm coming to the stag do. The Mrs? I don't need her permission. I just told her straight.. 'I'm going'"

22/02/20 21:26:52

"....then, as if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared.."

24/12/19 8:05:04

Is it a Maclaren?

13/11/19 8:09:15