Restroom in peace

26/02/24 12:00:53

When you pass the pet shop and there's a 3 for the price of 2 offer on their mice.

22/02/24 8:48:08

Mitten's Got Talent

16/02/24 12:00:26, edited: 16/02/24 12:01:02

Circle of strife

15/02/24 20:03:13

Sleeping with the Edamy

15/02/24 14:11:26

The Horse Crisperer

13/02/24 21:04:17

🎵 The wheels on the bass go round and round 🎵

11/02/24 12:21:25

Chocolate bar-rier

09/02/24 20:05:15

VIPees

09/02/24 8:30:22

Working in construction: Rule 1 - Never shag the foreman's wife

30/01/24 8:11:56

Sling tot

19/01/24 8:02:28

Shopping maul

11/01/24 20:25:48

Ursa Major

11/01/24 20:15:42

Chat-eau

10/01/24 8:00:38

"Please go out with me Stacey. Look, I'm a funnel loving guy."

31/12/23 8:05:12, edited: 31/12/23 8:10:38

Hobblestones

30/12/23 12:10:57

"Well done lads, you're doing a cracking job."

26/12/23 20:37:53

Cornwall?

21/12/23 8:20:49

What a lovely pair of têtes.

17/12/23 8:21:24

"What gutter nonsense!"

08/12/23 20:06:17

"Why are you taking your parents to court kid?"

"They've broken the Human Rights Act many times. To name just a few:
My right to liberty - They insist on an 8pm bedtime, confining me to my room.
My right to be free from degrading treatment - I believe sitting on the naughty step violates this law.
My freedom of movement - I'm 4 years old and they still won't give me a front door key!"

08/12/23 13:18:32

'When I'm prime minister they'll respect me,' sighed young Boris.

08/12/23 12:30:37

"Sorry kids, there'll be no presents this year. Our electric bill is larger than we expected."

01/12/23 8:12:06

The Lord of the Rungs

30/11/23 8:00:28

Arch enemy

23/11/23 20:11:06

lol

"He says he'll trade two of his daughters and four pigs for your tube of hand cream. He's got really bad eczema."

11/11/23 18:54:02, edited: 12/11/23 7:55:17

One armed bandit

10/11/23 8:07:17

"I told you not to hire that bloody beaver."

08/11/23 12:04:34, edited: 08/11/23 12:33:54, suggested edits

"What are you doing here Poirot?"

"I'm a cistern the police with their enquiries."

03/11/23 12:28:03

Jizz band

20/10/23 19:29:58

"I also like Marlboreos."

15/10/23 11:32:41

"I am Hoot."

26/09/23 11:09:07

I'll never understand the rules of croquet.

25/09/23 7:09:59

"Are you sure this will cure my tinnitus?"

25/09/23 7:01:03

Extreme yo-yoing

19/09/23 19:03:12

"Soldiers in the SAS are masters of deception. Take Dave for example. He may look like a little girl but in fact he's 36 years old and a well trained killing machine."

16/09/23 19:24:33

"So you think your childhood was bad unblocking chimneys eh? Here's me when I was three."

15/09/23 19:13:48

Coat of arms

03/09/23 11:04:52

Dragpuss

02/09/23 7:19:14

Four Weddings and a Feral

02/09/23 7:13:49

"Darling, all I'm saying is it just seems a bit of a coincidence you having all this mince at the same time as my mother going missing."

31/08/23 19:02:33

"What league are they in?"

"Twenty thousand."

29/08/23 11:04:22

"As we have to fly so often I thought we could start a games club Mummy. Just like that 'mile high' club you and Daddy are always talking about..."

28/08/23 11:16:08, edited: 28/08/23 11:47:28

"Don't tell me Miley's wrecking ball has come off its chain again."

27/08/23 7:20:49

Smoke screen

23/08/23 7:04:44

"Urghh, it tastes Orville!"

22/08/23 19:10:41

Wheel of Misfortune

21/08/23 19:07:03

The Pundead

20/08/23 11:00:24

"See, I told you I'd save your sole."

11/08/23 19:07:11

My Air Lady

04/08/23 19:58:32

"Excuse me, can you tell us which way to go? We appear to have lost our bearings."

04/08/23 11:02:33

"Who would start a fire there?"

"Some clown I guess."

02/08/23 11:02:19

Come Dine With Meow

01/08/23 7:00:32

Unfortunately animal rights protestors ruined the race by throwing a ball of wool on the course.

04/07/23 11:39:09

Call girls

03/07/23 19:16:23

If you're going to be killed by the mafia in a sawmill you can at least ask to go out in style.

02/07/23 7:44:10

Prada comes before a fowl

30/06/23 19:04:52

"NEXT!"

The search for the next Ursula Andress continues.

25/06/23 11:23:07

"The Princess has been shoplifting again. Yeh, the usual excuse. Sleepwalking."

20/06/23 8:04:36

"I think this one's a bit loopy Sarge. Say's she's ruler of the Brickish Empire."

20/06/23 7:59:14

It's not just one of them keeping everyone happy. It's a joint effort.

19/06/23 12:53:38

"Are you sure our children will be safe darling?"

"Oh yes, this nanny has lots of experience with kids."

02/06/23 11:00:16, edited: 02/06/23 11:11:22

"I bought this car when I came out of prison. I needed something to keep me on the straight and narrow."

02/06/23 7:00:38

The Fast and the Furnace

17/05/23 7:00:49

Kitty Kitty Hang Hang

16/05/23 7:49:50

Backette

12/05/23 7:00:30

Guide mog for the blind

04/05/23 11:15:28

Warning: May contain butts

30/04/23 11:02:15

Petting Cemetery

29/04/23 12:05:02

The Joneses just had this put in. It's a bitter pool to swallow.

27/04/23 19:00:13

Romancing the Stone

23/04/23 7:01:58

It's bean genetically modified.

14/04/23 19:04:39

Moss-age in a bottle

09/04/23 11:13:41

Apocalypse Meow

09/04/23 7:00:06

The Invisible Man can be a bit of a tosser sometimes.

05/04/23 11:25:26

Comes with a year's free membership of the Flat Oeuf Society.

04/04/23 19:02:34

It had taken a while but Elsie had finally accepted her husband was a coke head.

04/04/23 8:06:50, edited: 04/04/23 8:08:01

Dessert Island Discs

30/03/23 19:00:11

Table Mountain

29/03/23 11:00:13

"Ok, I see why you still wet the bed."

23/03/23 12:03:54

Ciabattalion

16/03/23 12:24:03

Chick-in-the-mud

16/03/23 8:54:27

For she's a jolly good feller.

26/02/23 8:00:50, edited: 26/02/23 8:04:46

Putt Black

20/02/23 8:00:08

"Genie, when I wished there was a Kit Kat left..."

15/02/23 8:00:13

Pedalgree Chum

12/02/23 8:00:55

"Don't worry, my mate in the truck will catch us if we fall."

10/02/23 20:01:32

Picked-up truck

08/02/23 8:00:17

Rest in pizza

04/02/23 8:21:23

How are captioneers punished when they behave badly?

They get sent to a punitentiary.

29/01/23 20:00:39

clever

Bananza

21/01/23 12:07:38

Banana splits

15/01/23 20:00:06

Sipmunk

11/01/23 12:05:01

Why the extra face?

09/01/23 8:02:35

Robert Plant

07/01/23 8:16:29

Spruce Springsteen

07/01/23 8:04:37

David Boughie

07/01/23 8:01:28, edited: 07/01/23 8:01:56

"Nice legs, shame about the face," said the princess.

29/12/22 20:00:51, edited: 29/12/22 20:12:32

Well behaved

27/12/22 12:11:33

Daily Male

24/12/22 12:00:08