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	All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	10	8040	21315	#11
Photos
Comments	3	291	594	#17
Forum Posts		12
Suggested Edits	2

	All Time
	Voted	Rank
Captions	9833	#26
Photos	1137	#19
Comments	683	#13
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits	3	#13

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	clever It's always good to have a carrier handy when you feel sick 03/10/19 11:00:09	17

	... word used to give an affirmative response. 19/08/19 12:23:20	17

	"I'm a Lesbian, do you have Fanyta?" 06/04/19 19:04:01	17

	clever auf wiedersehen pet 30/01/19 20:42:33	17

	Tom Tom 11/01/19 12:22:06	17

	lol x2 Being cut and sliced didn't bother Mr Carrot, but the previous night in Tina's bedroom was still playing on his mind. 12/01/24 12:37:54	16

	lol "Look guys, I know we're all upset about having to cancel the safari in Africa, but the mortgage has gone up so we just need to make the most of it. LOOK...there's another one." 28/10/23 11:16:48	16

	Breakfast - London - £37.99 22/10/23 19:04:20	16

	Don't mention his weight. Don't mention his haircut. Don't mention his weight. Don't mention his haircut. Don't... 10/10/23 19:06:43	16

	Superking. 19/05/23 11:00:25	16

	Not the best venue for a Shotgun Wedding. 03/04/23 11:15:46	16

	Watts new pussycat. 10/01/22 20:09:01	16

	"Yes, I'll bring you a toilet roll, but next time can you text me instead of using Zoom?" 03/06/21 11:04:23	16

	lol "So what treatments have you decided to go for?" "Flea and worm. You?" 13/05/21 11:28:11	2 16

	"I don't know about you, but this is the only place I feel safe from Covid" "Yeah, me too"...cough 31/03/21 11:35:42	7 16
That's a "tasteless" joke. --Willie Johnson
	lol "Yep, that's definitely dog shit" 25/03/21 12:00:06	1 16
"No it's not, I told you to pull my finger and look what's happened. Now you'll have to deal with the fallout." --Willie Johnson
	"Dave, when I asked you to bring protection..." 12/03/21 12:00:19	16

	"Take my word for it, Donald. It's just not worth buying cheap toilet roll" 10/03/21 12:15:55	1 16
Not unless you can use half the roll for every wipe. --Willie Johnson
	"I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but who are you?" 02/03/21 12:04:17	16

	Weatheredspoons 24/01/21 12:03:13	1 16
out back... witheredpoons --Mauris Iocus
	I tried to get a semi up there once but my wife said no chance. 16/01/21 20:06:44	16

	lol All this way just to get a f-cking Covid test... 24/09/20 7:29:37	16

	creative Up next on 'Irresponsible Pet Owners', Sue enjoys a coffee in the Shard and gets her camera ready in preparation for Rex's first bungee jump... 01/09/20 11:00:50	16

	"Oh no, not another f*cking Rolling Stones tour" 26/04/20 11:12:52	1 16
The Strolling Bones.. --stone face
	lol x2 "All I said was 'perhaps a nod to 08.00.03?'" 14/02/20 12:04:17	1 16
It's because it should have been 08.00.04 --Willie Johnson
	clever Soldiers have been dispatched to wipe out an Alien invasion 24/11/19 12:05:28	16

	"Yes they were expensive but they are very rare" 16/09/19 19:02:57	16

	lol Oh no, not more Johnson supporters. 10/09/19 19:00:16	1 16
One is all I need. --Willie Johnson
	lol "Good evening Tom, how are you?" "Oh, don't get me started, I woke up this morning and they were already in a mood, something to do with the sofa being ripped to shreds. Then they ran out of Gourmet Mon Petit, so I had to have Lidl own brand food, then they went to work and turned the TV off, so I've been bored all day. They don't even check the litter tray until Saturday, so I have to do gymnastics to avoid my own poo, it must be nice to have a flushing toilet. Oh, and the dog has terrible wind at the moment. Same again please" 22/08/19 8:00:42	2 16
Can't stop laughing at this! --Karyn Harrison
	Tinder Surprise 03/07/19 19:00:06	16

	Charlie and the Novichocolate Factory 20/06/19 7:00:07	16

	Disorient Express 16/05/19 19:14:58	16

	lol "I can read the top five lines ok, then it starts to get fuzzy" 28/02/19 8:00:08	16

	lol "Hey Harold. Remember when we were younger? We used to be at it like rabbits every day." "Well, my memory isn't what it used to be, but I do know my name's not Harold" "MILDRED...OVER 'ERE LOVE." 11/01/24 12:42:39	15

	Eyebrows were raised when Poundland announced they were entering Formula 1. 14/12/23 8:06:52	15

	Made from puff pastry. 15/10/23 11:04:40	1 15

	Chapter 1. Think outside the box. 02/10/23 11:21:52	15

	You have to be careful when taking a photograph. I took this one to show my wife a car made from bricks and then she found out I'd started smoking again. 28/09/23 7:13:24	15

	"Shit, I forgot my screwdriver." 19/09/23 19:00:23	15

	"Mate, how good are we at trampolining." 17/09/23 19:00:25	15

	"Errr, excuse me. Not before you've finished your tea. You've still got two slugs and a caterpillar on your plate." "But Muuuuum." 31/08/23 11:18:02	2 15
Liked this one a lot. :) --Al Overy
	lol x3 creative "I like museums, but I'm not sure how I feel about this Blue Whale Clit Exhibition." 21/07/23 7:35:30	4 15
Oh right, that explains what whale song is... --Glyn Evans
	"This machine is useless. I selected K9." 15/02/23 8:00:10	15

	"Sir, wake up please. The DFS store is about to close." 06/12/22 8:04:28	15

	"It'll do. Pub?" 22/10/22 11:20:41	1 15
So, that's where you've been! ;) --Al Overy
	"HEY, Kurt Zouma, yeah I thought it was you. Listen, we don't normally like cats, but even we think you're a prick!" 10/02/22 8:00:12	15

	lol Cough 19/12/21 12:06:55	15

	"Will you stop beatboxing and call an Ambulance please?" 29/11/21 12:28:31	1 15
"Please" is such a silly name for an Ambulance. --Willie Johnson
	"Dave, I don't care if that's the sound you make when you catch your willy in your zip. It's still not a word." 07/07/21 19:00:16	15

	"This week on 'Excessive Flatulence', Gary levitates a horse after consuming half a kilo of brussel sprouts." 05/05/21 19:15:31	1 15
Jumping Jack Flash is a gas gas gas. --Karyn Harrison
	lol "Darling, it doesn't matter how hard you squeeze her. Henry the Hamster won't come out" 26/03/21 20:11:47	15

	BBC NEWSROOM. "Boss, I think you should take a look at this. This photo has just been sent in by a member of the public" "So what? That's hardly news is it?" "Hardly news? That's a six foot snowman..." 05/03/21 12:12:56	1 15
Don't worry, the 25 foot cat will take care of it. --Willie Johnson
	Some people are just not cut out for working at the Samaritans 16/02/21 8:15:50	15

	clever "It took me ages to get up the A4 this morning" 26/01/21 20:00:16	15

	I met her on Plenty of Fish & Chips 21/12/20 20:38:35	15

	It took 4 hours for Emma to gradually melt a 5ft snowman using her heated thermal glove, but she was determined to finish the job. Absolutely ruthless. 07/12/20 9:01:08	15

	lol That moment that you let yourself into your parent's house to give them their anniversary card and........ 23/09/20 19:36:06	15

	"...and this is the dick pic he sent me this morning..." "Eugh, Sally that's gross. Your Grandad should know better" 19/08/20 19:17:03	15

	Up next on Channel 4. The miracle of childbirth... 22/07/20 19:03:45	15

	lol Face Orf 23/03/20 20:00:08	15

	🎵 Ground Control to Major Tom 🎵 10/03/20 12:00:09	2 15

	clever Wake up Stoneface, It's caption time... 07/03/20 20:11:39	1 15
Sorry I was out celebrating Liverpool's win... --stone face
	lol "That's the last time I argue with the Germans over the sunbeds..." 07/12/19 9:48:49	15

	Vladimir Putin's porn collection was a bit weird 30/10/19 12:00:07	15

	clever "I'm not parking there again, it cost me an arm and a leg last time" 10/10/19 7:00:09	15

	Police be seated 11/09/19 7:00:15	15

	"FREEZE"¦FASHION POLICE" 10/09/19 11:00:14	1 15

	"...and I said, what water pipe?" 29/08/19 7:52:09	15

	lol The drill sergeant's voice wasn't as intimidating after he'd eaten Haribo. 21/08/19 19:00:13	15

	lol Frustration is clearly evident after captioneers discover the identity of Anon. 28/07/19 20:57:17	2 15

	Now that's an Urdu 09/07/19 19:36:01	15

	clever Pride and Prejudice 03/07/19 8:23:20	15

	"For god sake Darren, it's only a spider" 01/06/19 19:01:48	15

	creative "Dan, will you stop giving the baby Cocaine when he's trying to cook dinner, people will think we are bad parents" 01/04/19 11:13:25	15

	"Does my bumper look big in these?" 15/01/19 12:00:11	15

	Cornivore 15/01/19 8:34:27	15

	"Andy, can you cut me a piece of wood about 2ft long" 12/01/19 12:13:04	15

	"Don't you know who my dad is" 24/12/18 12:00:33	15

	"Bugger. I forgot the Milk Tray." 08/01/24 12:28:51	14

	"I'm not going out to the pub with you looking like that, Dave. Change your shirt." 08/12/23 20:15:40	14

	lol A reading from a rectal thermometer can be pretty scary after you've eaten a Vindaloo. 30/11/23 12:10:56	14

	VietNan 25/10/23 7:08:03	14

	"Sorry I'm late. It took me a while to get through the tube ticket barrier." 24/10/23 19:16:26	14

	"We're the coolest and most popular Dungeons & Dragons team in Whitby." 06/10/23 11:12:18	14

	lol "Bloody 'ell, Dave, It's everywhere. The next time you have a day at home to yourself can you please use a tissue?" 05/10/23 11:17:05	14

	lol "Pssst. I don't mean to gossip, but the Hyena just called you a ginger twat." 26/03/23 19:13:35	14

	“Oh my god, my husband is home early from the pub. QUICK, GET OUT… and you better leave through the front door because he always climbs through the window naked when he’s drunk.” 12/03/23 8:01:39, edited: 12/03/23 8:03:12	14

	"Dave, you didn't have to set fire to it. I'm sure someone would've voted for your captions eventually." 08/03/23 20:04:45	1 14

	lol creative “Excuse me doctor, should you really be doing that whilst my husband is in there doing a sperm sample?” 01/02/23 12:03:40	14

	creative "Tony, this is getting ridiculous and it's about time you realised that you've got a hoarding problem. The books are bad enough but where the hell did you get that man from?" 03/12/22 21:01:59	14

	lol "I've just had a shit in the woods." "Nice one. But couldn't you have wiped your bum, Linda?" 02/02/22 8:47:21	2 14
Everything that I could want in a caption is here. I'm only sorry that I'm out of supervotes. --Glad You Remember
	Cold Play. 26/01/22 20:07:33	14

	"F-cking charming. Spend all morning up her fanny and now this..." 24/01/22 12:02:12	14

	lol It's not nice seeing a Transformer when it's pissed. 21/01/22 8:16:12	2 14
Been drinking the Hoptimus Prime again? --Glyn Evans
	“Sis, guess what? I’ve found where Mum and Dad have been hiding our Christmas presents, they’re under their bed. Meet my new best friend. I also found a purple wand and some marbles on a string.” 09/12/21 12:00:37	2 14
Thanks very much for your kind words Stephen. --The Wolf
	lol Outside Chris Beach's house. Tuesday 30th November 2021. "What's this wire that says 'voting'? That can't be doing anything..." 03/12/21 8:06:12	14

	lol creative "It's from the hairdressers. It says, Dear Mr and Mrs Samuels. Due to an administration error, you were both given the same hair cuts. We appreciate the distress this can cause and we're happy to offer a refund. Alternatively, we could give Mrs Samuels a matching beard." 20/11/21 10:11:58	14

	"And don't even get me started on the young cats today. Did you see Mittens yesterday? Waving her arse around at every Tom, Dick and Harry. Wouldn't have gotten away with that in my day. I once went out to a party without my collar on and I got the back of my dad's paw. EXCUSE ME LOVE, TWO MORE SAUCERS OF MILK PLEASE...I can't seem to get the taste of my own arse out of my mouth today. Have you been watching Strictly?" 13/10/21 19:05:23	14

	lol "Madam, we appreciate you donating your unwanted toys to the Samaritans but..." 11/07/21 11:51:35	14

	There's always 1 fully committed smoker. 30/06/21 19:00:08	14

more captions

last comments (total: 750)

Mr Sheen?

[anon]

30/11/23
11:15am

comment on caption:
Risk Assessment.

Hazard/Risk - Falling from height.
Control Measure - Get the Polish bloke to do it for £20. [The Wolf]

It goes back to the Stone Age where Men used to go out hunting in the cold, while women stayed in the cave with the fire.

[anon]

30/11/23
4:34pm

comment on caption:
"...and my Wife STILL wanted the f*cking heating on" [The Wolf]

I heard it was men round the fire BBQing things, while the women went to Iceland.

[anon]

30/11/23
5:46pm

comment on caption:
"...and my Wife STILL wanted the f*cking heating on" [The Wolf]

Your cat poster is missing?

Willie Johnson

07/12/23
7:06am

comment on caption:
"Sean speaking, would you like me to sing for you?"

"No, I don't want you to f*cking sing for me. I'm calling about you sticking your shitty advert over my missing cat poster." [The Wolf]

LOL. I LOVE this little story : )

[anon]

19/12/23
11:49pm

comment on caption:
It was fun watching my Granny on a rollercoaster until a grey curly pube landed on my ice cream. [The Wolf]

"And Pull Down your Shirt... You look like a "Nut-Crack'er."

[anon]

06/02/24
2:28pm

comment on caption:
"Dave, you know that saying 'You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours'? Well that doesn't apply today." [The Wolf]

Why didn't my daughter ever bring hot blokes like that home?

Karen McDonald

04/03/24
1:45pm

comment on caption:
8am - "Dad, I'm going out on a date tonight at 7pm with a guy who is ten years older than me, is in a band, is on the dole and is covered in tattoos including one on his stomach pointing to his genitals saying (get it 'ere)." 7pm..... [The Wolf]

...You beat me to it.

[anon]

04/03/24
2:34pm

nod to 12.10.20

(caption author)

15/04/24
11:41am

comment on caption:
This week on DIY SOS, a family from Leeds kick the shit out of Nick Knowles. [The Wolf]

I struggled voting for this because I like Nick Knowles, but then it occurred to me to substitute Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen for Nick, and I thought where’s my boots.

Neil Mackenzie

17/04/24
4:12pm

comment on caption:
This week on DIY SOS, a family from Leeds kick the shit out of Nick Knowles. [The Wolf]

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last comments (total: 750)

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