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| This Week | All Time | ||||||
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| Quota | Added | Score | Rank | Added | Score | Rank | |
| Comments | 3 | 1 | #4 | 291 | 595 | #17 | |
| Captions | 10 | 8040 | 21315 | #11 | |||
| Photos | |||||||
| Forum Posts | 12 | ||||||
| Suggested Edits | 2 | ||||||
| This Week | All Time | |||
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| Voted | Rank | Voted | Rank | |
| Comments | 683 | #13 | ||
| Captions | 9833 | #26 | ||
| Photos | 1137 | #19 | ||
| Forum Posts | ||||
| Suggested Edits | 3 | #13 | ||
captions
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26/10/23 11:26:57, edited: 15/03/24 18:25:47 |
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Many thanks, Captioneers, for your votes and kind and funny words. I'm chuffed to bits that many of you liked the caption, and hats off to those who narrowly missed out. Big shout out as always to Mr Beach for providing the platform for us to be crea --The Wolf
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18/06/19 19:00:13 |
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Wow! I can't believe I've won, such a nice surprise! Thank you very much for the votes and kind words. Also thanks to Chris for picking the caption but most importantly for giving us the site! It's a privilege to be on the board and a pleasure ... --The Wolf
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11/12/23 8:02:05 |
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11/03/20 8:00:13 |
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Thank you very much for your votes and kind words. There were some great captions this month so feel very fortunate to win the top prize. I've always found Caption.me a great and fun distraction from the otherwise stressful day to day of life. Th... --The Wolf
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04/03/24 12:37:26 |
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Why didn't my daughter ever bring hot blokes like that home? --Karen McDonald
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"I bought mine from 'Cheapknockoffcoats.com', you?" 23/11/23 8:17:42 |
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If it applies, I'd say this. I was in a similar position to Al and Karen where I didn't have enough super votes to vote up a caption. Karyn was kind enough to give me 20 super votes which I then returned to her but used a supe --Glyn Evans
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17/11/23 9:04:41 |
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"Guys, I have a busy morning. Are you interested in buying the house or not?" 13/11/23 20:09:22 |
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14/01/21 12:10:07 |
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10/11/20 8:00:16 |
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Many thanks to you all for your votes and kind words. Additional thanks to Chris for providing and maintaining the site and for choosing me for this month's winner. This was one of those captions which I nearly didn't post because I thought it w... --The Wolf
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Dear Santa. For Christmas this year I'd love some thermal underpants. 05/10/20 19:27:23 |
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"Mum, there's still no sign of Santa." 16/09/23 19:03:37 |
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"Tony, why is there a shit in the sink?" 11/09/23 11:03:27 |
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Interflora has really gone downhill. 04/09/23 7:16:28 |
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"THIS IS THE POLICE. PULL OVER, GET OUT OF THE VAN AND SPREAD 'EM." 02/04/23 19:37:25, edited: 02/04/23 19:48:48 |
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He should start doing donuts as a distraction --KimJong Pun
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"Dad said I couldn't make a rocket out of the fairy liquid bottle until it was empty." 22/11/23 8:03:07 |
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"I need to lose weight. My diet has been rubbish lately." 10/11/23 8:09:22 |
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02/11/23 20:05:15 |
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Scuba diving lessons for men - SOLD OUT 01/11/23 8:03:00, edited: 01/11/23 8:31:30 |
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It was such a shame when Quaker Oats went bust. 26/10/23 19:12:53 |
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"Cheers mate. It's difficult to scratch your bollocks with these gloves on." 13/10/23 19:13:59 |
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Half an hour he's been on those tits now. My Dad's got one hell of an appetite. 22/09/23 11:00:24 |
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"How many do you smoke a day?" 10/09/23 11:03:55 |
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"We're a bit overdressed for dogging." 30/01/23 8:12:45 |
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"Wow! The people in the upstairs flat have got a powerful hoover." 03/12/22 8:00:07 |
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Doing the Hoover hover. --Willie Johnson
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F-cking typical. NOW she's in the mood. 01/02/22 8:35:06 |
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04/05/21 19:14:26 |
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"JANET, JUST LEAVE IT, WE'LL BUY ANOTHER LILO" 23/11/20 20:01:37 |
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23/07/20 11:24:05 |
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28/03/20 20:10:40 |
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"I'm sorry for yawning but I find your company really boring" 12/06/19 11:25:47 |
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Filming has begun for the highly anticipated new period drama 05/06/19 7:10:30 |
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Dave and Lucy were inconsolable after witnessing their Corgi being drowned by a random Alsatian. 04/03/23 9:39:08 |
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02/12/21 12:00:09 |
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Wow, what a nice surprise. Thanks for all of your kind words and for all the fun and silliness. And thanks to Chris for providing our creative caption world and for choosing me as the winner. Happy new year to everyone. Let's have a good one. --The Wolf
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27/06/21 19:29:49 |
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03/04/20 11:00:39 |
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Being a first responder to a car accident on the Simpsons was a sobering experience"¦ 02/04/20 11:00:09 |
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Looks like he's covered in Marge. --Karyn Harrison
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01/12/19 20:00:06 |
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16/09/19 19:00:05 |
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08/08/19 19:44:45 |
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24/04/19 11:51:55 |
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You should always check the small print before booking a cheap all inclusive holiday. 21/10/23 11:03:17 |
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"I don't have time for this shit." 12/10/23 11:26:04 |
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10/10/23 7:03:26 |
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23/03/23 20:00:40 |
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Given all the formaldehyde I'm actually picturing Nan as the pickle. --James Lennox
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08/12/22 20:00:11 |
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It's always good to keep your distance from a potential carrier. 28/11/21 20:00:14 |
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Well done The Wolf - great caption --Mr Dome
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"And this is your loft access" 22/04/21 19:00:14 |
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"The finish line please driver. I just can't be arsed today." 19/04/21 11:06:37 |
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Can't be horsed today. --Willie Johnson
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18/05/19 11:00:06 |
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She lit up my life. --James Lennox
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08/12/23 12:34:17, edited: 08/12/23 12:37:51 |
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"...and my Wife STILL wanted the f*cking heating on" 30/11/23 12:12:30 |
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"..and then I had a shit in the woods." 23/11/23 12:05:30 |
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easyJet will NOT tolerate rudeness to cabin crew. 17/09/23 19:02:07 |
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09/03/23 20:03:56 |
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"Terry's Mum is a silly billy. Pass it on." 13/02/23 12:01:31 |
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It's scary when you see the inside of a Ryanair cockpit. 17/12/22 20:00:14 |
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"Is it me or is it chilli in here?" 16/11/22 12:17:59 |
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17/11/21 12:29:53 |
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I must protest at this slur on my character and personal hygiene --John Llamas
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"I wish that broccoli would hurry up in the bog" 25/06/21 11:07:09 |
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Staff at NASA are in shock after receiving the latest images from the Mars Rover. 24/06/21 7:07:19 |
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"Have you got any change for the fruit machine?" 04/02/21 20:06:02 |
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Great caption: You dropped us into a story. Please continue: I want to know more about this poor fellow... --Greg Curtis
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28/06/19 19:13:37 |
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"Errrr, Dad. Our Zoom call is still connected..." 02/04/24 12:52:22 |
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08/01/24 12:26:18 |
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"If I'd known the dogs would miss Dave this much I would've had him cremated." 27/11/23 20:26:37 |
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"I'd like to thank everyone in the audience for coming." 14/11/23 20:31:50 |
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Not even going to try to beat that hahah --Dale McPhail
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19/10/23 11:05:32 |
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16/10/23 7:20:42 |
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"I don't know about you, Ling, but I've got a monumental headache." 11/10/23 19:17:02 |
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Their temples are throbbing. --Dave Bryan
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"Your turn to change the litter tray." 01/09/23 7:05:27 |
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"Mum, the social worker is here..." 06/06/23 11:01:52 |
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“OH JEEZUS…TURN IT OFF! I told you the kids weren’t old enough to load the washing machine.” 22/05/23 11:00:16 |
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11/03/23 20:00:16 |
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30/01/22 13:14:36 |
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Bill Rockwell fined by authorities for graffitiing. 21/06/21 7:10:45 |
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18/06/21 7:38:43 |
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14/05/21 7:00:16 |
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Looks like they're about to tie the knot. 10/05/21 11:01:06 |
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18/04/21 11:47:00 |
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Paul was beginning to regret buying the world's heaviest earring. 08/01/21 12:34:53 |
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The helium in his left shoe wasn't helping either. --Willie Johnson
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18/11/20 12:00:08 |
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Let's hope they don't start making advent calendars... 04/04/20 19:03:05 |
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01/04/20 19:01:20 |
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Pissed in the bath? Don't worry, we all have... 17/02/20 21:25:05 |
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I haven't pissed in her bath, not wanting to be the odd one out, what's her address? --John Glover
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The frog version of Basic Instinct was a little weird. 17/02/20 12:03:52 |
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10/08/19 9:18:45 |
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25/01/19 8:01:36 |
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"LET'S MAKE AMERICA GRATE AGAIN" 21/12/18 12:47:04 |
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Have you ever wondered why roadworks take so long? 29/11/23 8:02:14 |
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06/10/23 11:02:11 |
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I don't know how you found me, you must have a very special set of skills. However I would say that this picture was taken a while ago as I've put on weight since --Glyn Evans
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"Oh you're back. How was your first day working at Subway?" 14/06/23 11:08:58 |
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This is the first time I've wanted to have 5 a day. 31/03/23 11:00:10 |
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16/01/21 12:02:34 |
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In the past I've had the good fortune to work with Attenborough's sound recordist Chris Watson, and have actually heard this exact recording that he made. He also puts microphones into the carcass of zebras to get recordings of vultures tearing ... --Michael Winner
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26/11/20 12:39:34 |
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03/11/20 12:12:22 |
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03/04/20 19:00:25 |
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Lots of time at home, unlimited porn and no toilet roll. What could possibly go wrong... 30/03/20 19:00:10 |
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"Good evening Prince Andrew. Your usual?" 22/12/19 12:02:15 |
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03/11/19 20:00:07 |
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email us
Well spotted
1:00am
comment on caption:
"That greedy dalmatian is back again, begging for the leftovers. That costume nearly tricked me until I noticed he hadn't pulled one of his sleeves down" [The Wolf]
Starting?
12:09pm
comment on caption:
"Pssst, Ringo...stop staring at her tits" [The Wolf]
He's just starting there and going up to her eyes.
12:26pm
comment on caption:
"Pssst, Ringo...stop staring at her tits" [The Wolf]
Thanks Karyn
12:30pm
comment on caption:
"Pssst, Ringo...stop staring at her tits" [The Wolf]
Will Dan be having raspberry pies?
11:24am
comment on caption:
He won't be that cocky later, Desperate Dan is coming over for dinner... [The Wolf]
Don't fret, it was actually only a monkey.
12:04pm
comment on caption:
That irritating moment when you see a gorgeous, naked supermodel masturbating on a bench and you try to take a photo of her, but your camera is in f*cking selfie mode and you end up with a picture of your wife. [The Wolf]
Until now, I've never contemplated the fact that human arms are exactly the right length for wiping our bums. Thank-you.
9:22pm
comment on caption:
Being married to a man with a 2-metre arm certainly has its perks. Tasks like taking selfies, changing light bulbs, and reaching the bread with the best sell by date in the supermarket are easy, and of course he is an amazing Basketball player. Wiping his bum though, that is an issue. I have to do that. [The Wolf]
Cheers James. Next week, how your middle toe can be useful when camping
9:59pm
comment on caption:
Being married to a man with a 2-metre arm certainly has its perks. Tasks like taking selfies, changing light bulbs, and reaching the bread with the best sell by date in the supermarket are easy, and of course he is an amazing Basketball player. Wiping his bum though, that is an issue. I have to do that. [The Wolf]
James (and caption author) I think you're missing something. When wiping one's bum, there is little reason to bend the elbow much since the length of the arm approximates the distance between the shoulder and bum. If you consider a triangle formed by the distance between the shoulder and bum as one side, and the other two sides formed by the forearm and upper arm and the elbow forming one angle of the triangle, the bend of the elbow is an obtuse angle thus forming an obtuse triangle. When the arm is longer and the shoulder-to-bum side is the same and the arm forming the other two sides is longer, it merely takes a bigger bend of the elbow to accomplish the triangle, which then becomes an acute triangle and thus wipeage of the bum is accomplishable as long as the the two segments of the arm are of similar length.
* This comment was created in 108 degree weather with a semi-functioning air conditioner. Once it cools, I may read it and wonder wtf I was thinking. Your results may vary.
10:09pm
comment on caption:
Being married to a man with a 2-metre arm certainly has its perks. Tasks like taking selfies, changing light bulbs, and reaching the bread with the best sell by date in the supermarket are easy, and of course he is an amazing Basketball player. Wiping his bum though, that is an issue. I have to do that. [The Wolf]
True Willie, however, the average width of a room or cubicle containing a toilet is 113cm, and the average distance from a male shoulder to their anus is 72cm. By Pythagoras we can establish that a man with 200cm long arms, but otherwise normal proportions, would require elbow room of at least 93cm in order to wipe their arse, much more than the 56.5cm available on average.
Even allowing for a 45 degree rotation backward or forward (depending on whether the male in question is a round the back, or through the legs wiper) the distance from anus to wall would only measure 80cm, still less than required.
DISCLAIMER: Figures are fictional, and the maths is probably wrong.
10:44pm
comment on caption:
Being married to a man with a 2-metre arm certainly has its perks. Tasks like taking selfies, changing light bulbs, and reaching the bread with the best sell by date in the supermarket are easy, and of course he is an amazing Basketball player. Wiping his bum though, that is an issue. I have to do that. [The Wolf]