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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	63	27	53	#7	46	116	#2	13965	33641	#4
Comments	14	5	4	#3	5	4	#3	1455	1692	#4
Suggested Edits	2							7	6	#11
Photos
Forum Posts								13

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	31	#11	47	#5	14130	#16
Comments	2	#5	1	#7	1205	#7
Suggested Edits	1	#1			21	#3
Photos			2	#5	681	#29
Forum Posts

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	''Breakfast is in fifteen minutes. How do you like your mouse droppings?'' 02/12/22 8:12:52, edited: 02/12/22 8:21:57	9

	''Get off your fat arse and make my breakfast, you lazy cow.'' 02/11/22 8:02:54	9

	''Billy, stop standing on daddy's head. It's Michael's turn.'' 31/10/22 8:04:13	9

	''Guinness, please.... Guinness, please....Guinness, please'' ''Hey, Paddy, can you hear a gecko?'' 14/08/22 7:32:23, edited: 14/08/22 10:57:09	1 9

	Say It With Flowers 20/06/22 7:12:16	9

	Read the fine print of the leasing agreement carefully. The devil is always in the detail. 18/06/22 11:02:39	9

	''Some people have weird customs.'' ''Yes, Abeni, look at them sitting with their little machines, writing captions all day.'' 16/05/22 7:45:30	9

	''So that's why they call you Marge. You spread so easily.'' 02/05/22 7:08:31	1 9

	Vlad The Impaled 15/04/22 7:13:12	9

	''You've been a government minister for many years now, Mr Umbala. What is it about politics that you find so appealing?'' 06/04/22 20:11:42	9

	''What's the rose for?'' ''Mother's Day.'' ''I'm not a mother.'' ''You will be soon.'' 01/04/22 11:20:58	1 9
I like captions that "drop us into the middle" of a wonderful short story! --Greg Curtis
	''How did you get on last night, Tina?'' ''Not bad. Two broken hips and a squashed penis.'' 29/03/22 7:26:59	9

	lol ''New balls please.'' ''Frostbite?'' 15/03/22 12:03:55	9

	Incubather 03/03/22 12:02:13	9

	''Have you been given any tips today.'' ''Yes, someone told me to get rid of the beard.'' 03/02/22 20:39:28	9

	''Dad, if we're delivering letters, shouldn't we have a black and white cat?'' ''That's not a good idea, darling. The captioneers are already sick to death of my stupid stunts. If I brought another cat on the site as well, I'd be lucky to escape with my life.'' 22/01/22 8:26:43	9

	Mystic Mog 10/01/22 20:00:13	9

	''Can you stop showing off and change the f-cking tyre?'' 03/01/22 8:26:19	9

	Every morning Dave did his exercises at the crack of Dawn. 02/01/22 20:45:48	9

	Being a waitress, Jane was always on the lookout for tips. 27/12/21 8:21:48	9

	''Are you sure we'll be alright, Bill? It's a bloody big squirrel.'' 12/12/21 12:01:11	9

	''Look, they've already lit the barbecue.'' 26/11/21 8:17:48	9

	Shake Before Use 25/11/21 8:02:44	1 9
Do the shake n' sackThen put the freshness back --Glad You Remember
	''You're playing in the wrong quay.'' 17/11/21 8:00:08	2 9
I guess you could say it's quayn't? --Willie Johnson
	Nan is amazed to find someone has written a book about her hair. 11/10/21 7:01:18	9

	''Some customers complain if the delivery is not on time but we always say: Better late than never.'' 09/10/21 19:22:05	9

	''Don't eat it, Tom. They've already poisoned Peter.'' 08/10/21 11:03:22	9

	The Rise Of The Robots 07/10/21 11:25:39	9

	Over thousands of years the walrus has evolved into one of the very few animals who can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. 05/10/21 19:05:33	9

	''Slime, gentlemen, please.'' 04/10/21 11:03:25	1 9
Snailed it! --Glyn Evans
	Last year's Captioneers' Christmas Party was another big success. 27/09/21 11:02:44	9

	''Whatever happens, I won't let this country go to the dogs.'' 24/09/21 19:06:55	1 9
Yeah, yeah, heard it before. When the dogs come to you with a nice big juicy contract you'll be theirs."Dogs are our mortal enemies, blah, blah, blah, yeah, RUSE!" --Glyn Evans
	''Anytime you want a real boxing match, Stallone, just give me a ring.'' 20/09/21 19:17:47	9

	''Don't worry, I'll look after him, Mrs Starkey.'' 05/09/21 7:15:23	1 9
He did, until "he blew his mind out in a car", he didn't notice that the lights had changed. --Willie Johnson
	''We'll have to give up fighting crime in Liverpool, Robin.'' 26/08/21 19:01:30	9

	The guests were having such a good time only a few of them noticed that Luke Skywalker, armed with his laser sabre, was just about to enter the dancing area. 11/08/21 19:01:32	9

	A mite on the tiles 08/08/21 7:00:45	9

	''How do you feel self isolating with Covid?'' ''To be honest, it's really knocked the stuffing out of me.'' 05/08/21 11:09:06	9

	''If I agree to your marriage proposal, Dave, you must promise never to let me down.'' 29/07/21 11:07:52	1 9
Dave already did by popping the question but they never really got engaged in meaningful conversation as Dave talked shite and Sandra was always full of hot air --Glyn Evans
	Gnash tray 22/07/21 7:00:13	9

	''Buy the extra large can. Feed the family and still have piles left.'' 15/07/21 11:10:35	5 9
Anal lot you can do if nobody reads through the captions before posting theirs. --Willie Johnson
	The Three Wise Children: ''Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.'' 13/07/21 7:05:23	1 9
Life lesson: Ignore this advice. Do all three, it's much more fun, but it depends on what is defined as "evil". People don't seem to realise that they create these taboos in the first place when they're repressive like this, or maybe that's ... --Glyn Evans
	It has long been thought that the decline of the red squirrel is related to acorns. The invading grey squirrel is able to eat and digest acorns while they are still green. Hence, the native species, which needs the fruit to ripen, is being deprived of an essential food source. However, recent photographs have emerged which disproves this theory. The grey squirrels simply have better weapons. 09/07/21 7:49:17	9

	''Don't worry, Commander, Carruthers is one of our best agents. He won't do anything to draw attention to himself.'' 24/06/21 7:15:24	9

	creative The evil queen decided not to take any chances with Snow White. 23/06/21 11:15:25	1 9
If the poison doesn't finish her off, at least she'll have a nasty hernia. --Al Overy
	''We'll have to continue this lecture next week. I've run out of chalk.'' 22/06/21 11:04:42	9

	''I just can't put it down.'' ''Don't worry, I'll shoot it.'' 11/06/21 16:38:10	1 9
They Shoot Horse Head Transplants, Don't They? --Glyn Evans
	''This cat walked into a bar so we all had a good laugh. It was an iron bar.'' 27/05/21 11:34:06	1 9

	It's amazing the way that dolphin came out so publicly. He must have some bottle. 27/05/21 7:09:14	1 9
As chief buyer, he certainly had the nose for good design. --John Glover
	Wing mirror 08/05/21 11:00:14	9

	SPECIAL OFFER: Have the contents of baby's first nappy gold plated for just $99.99! To take advantage of this wonderful opportunity just send us a small deposit. 10/04/21 11:07:53	9

	''I'm sorry, sir, we can't use you. Sarge, bring up the water cannon.'' 09/03/21 8:01:56	9

	''This is your captain speaking. I'm not saying we're going to crash but would anyone with a lucky St Christopher please come to the cockpit immediately.'' 20/02/21 20:32:07	9

	''Don't waste your time, Dave. Nobody is going to give us a lift.'' 20/02/21 8:28:06	9

	''She's asleep. Why don't we snatch the bag, Dave?'' ''Don't you think she's a bit heavy.'' 09/02/21 8:23:13	9

	Happy Meal 04/02/21 8:09:14	9

	Flamie Oliver 25/01/21 20:03:21	2 9
Don't let him near the stove! The dude's half baked. --Mauris Iocus
	''Don't be frightened, madam. They can't see you behind the screen. Now can you recognise the clean-shaven man who assaulted you by the side of the pool?'' 19/01/21 8:34:00	9

	Tossers 15/12/20 12:00:15	9

	After cycling for nearly three hours, Bill decided to have a toilet brake. 29/11/20 8:13:48	1 9

	''It's sex, Jim, but not as we know it.'' 17/10/20 7:01:30	9

	''Why did he have to bring the white ball with him?'' 10/10/20 11:02:18	9

	Fly in the face of death 09/10/20 7:05:44	9

	''I'm afraid it isn't suitable. I'm looking for something unfurnished.'' 18/08/20 7:00:50	9

	''Will this give me immunity?'' ''Probably not. I just like torturing people.'' 10/08/20 19:02:41	9

	''Did you see anything you liked at the garden centre, darling?'' 02/08/20 7:22:06	9

	Ma'amaries 27/07/20 11:05:39	9

	''I've got some bad news for you, Mr Johnson.'' ''You mean I'm cured.'' 25/07/20 11:17:55	9

	I hope this caption doesn't become one of The Unread. 09/07/20 19:21:11	1 9
No chance. You're one of the lucky ones. --Willie Johnson
	''They've come from Mars, Sarge, on a special work permit. They can pick twice as much fruit as an East European.'' 22/06/20 7:22:38	9

	Rust in peace 07/05/20 11:06:04	9

	''Do you really think they are giving you all that corn because they like you?'' 13/04/20 7:15:19	1 9
Of course they like her. She's delicious. --Willie Johnson
	Pewter Rabbit 12/04/20 19:52:04	9

	Captioneers congratulate Stephen Bean on winning the Caption League for the third week running. 05/04/20 7:01:47	9

	''I can't understand all the fuss about self isolation. I've been doing it for years.'' 31/03/20 7:01:42	9

	''We're safe now. You can remove the toilet rolls.'' 23/03/20 12:05:45	9

	''I've just had a slice of bad luck.'' 20/03/20 20:37:29	9

	This product may contain traces of nuts. 01/03/20 8:18:41	9

	''Have you seen the bath towel, gran?'' 23/02/20 12:06:29	9

	''How did you get that physique?'' ''Sitting on my arse all day writing captions.'' 17/02/20 12:01:37	9

	lol Complaints about Anon's comments seem to have suddenly stopped. 17/02/20 8:45:06	9

	Being a Christmas tree decoration is not my day job. I'm moonlighting. 22/12/19 20:29:22	9

	I'd write much better captions, if I only had a brain. 06/12/19 12:04:49	1 9

	Not a man to be truffled with 19/11/19 8:06:27	9

	''Why do you always sulk when you lose at musical chairs?'' 15/10/19 7:09:59	9

	''I need a pee. Pass it on.'' ''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.'' ''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.'' ''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.'' ''Bob needs a pee. Pass it on.'' ''Bob needs a pee.'' ''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.'' ''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.'' ''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.'' ''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.'' ''He should have gone before we set off. Pass it on.'' ''You should have gone before we set off.'' 14/09/19 7:41:21	9

	Deadly emissions 12/09/19 19:00:44	9

	Captured.Me 09/09/19 7:00:50	9

	''Mummy needs to get some groceries, darling. Just play with yourself for a while.'' 13/08/19 7:16:43	3 9
I'm all for dupe policing, but I think this one is fine. The potential for a masturbation based caption is pretty obvious, so it's hard to say only one captioneer is entitled to it. Other than that the joke is quite different. 20:00:09 could wor... --James Lennox
	''How is Rex?'' ''Not so good. A bit up and down.'' 25/07/19 7:07:52	9

	''The captioneers seem to be struggling. Why don't you take a photo of my bike?'' 05/07/19 19:11:43	9

	On the plus side you'll meet all your old flames. 03/07/19 7:03:49	9

	Comic Relief 01/07/19 11:23:00	9

	Head mice 03/05/19 11:00:14	9

	Daniel Craig begins to regret turning down the next Bond movie. 04/01/19 20:11:31	9

	How time lies 04/01/19 8:00:44	9

	Top model 28/10/18 20:45:05	9

	clever Quantum leap 09/10/18 19:00:36	9

	New research proves that bottle fed babies are happier. 22/09/18 7:00:30	9

	''I've got a new lead.'' 08/08/18 11:01:32	9

more captions

last comments (total: 936)

Congratulations, Dave!

:^)

Crunchy

Crunchy Chords

01/10/24
2:50pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Excellent caption Dave! Well done!

KT A

01/10/24
3:10pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Well done, Dave. Well deserved. Your wife and kids sent their congratulations too.

Al Overy

01/10/24
6:34pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Ha ha, yeah Dave. It was ironic that my tortoise caption got off to an early lead, only to be run down by your beer caption wink You deserved the win, though, and kudos for contributing back to the site 👍

James Lennox

01/10/24
7:29pm

comment on caption:
"We can rescue the women and kids later." [Dave Bryan]

Thank you, Kathleen. Good suggestion.

(caption author)

03/10/24
6:59am

comment on caption:
De-parting is such sweet sorrow. [Dave Bryan]

Some years ago, a new dentist had the radio playing in his surgery when I visited - it was playing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?".

Molly R

28/10/24
8:38am

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

They can't make you cry though as they have laughing gas 🤔

Glyn Evans

28/10/24
9:31am

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

Furthermore, what could be quite fun would be if they had laughing gas sing-a-long championships

Imagine trying to contain yourself whilst singing "Everybody hurts", "Candle in the Wind" or even "Gloomy Sunday" 😂

Glyn Evans

28/10/24
1:28pm

comment on caption:
''As you seem a bit nervous I'll put the radio on for you.'' 🎵 The first cut is the deepest 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

It can’t be Harris I can’t see a cabbage.

[anon]

09/11/24
7:38pm

comment on caption:
BREAKING NEWS Trump picks his new team. [Dave Bryan]

Many thanks for the suggestion, Kathleen, but I think the Hank Mizell song is more in keeping with the aggressive rock attitude of the chimp than the insipid Jingle Bell Rock.

(caption author)

Saturday
9:26am

comment on caption:
🎵 It was a jungle, jungle, jungle, jungle rock 🎵 [Dave Bryan]

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